If marriages were harder to 'Get'...

[Mia62]

Would divorce be less prevalent??

I am not trying to open a can of worms here but my son is in a split grade 5/6 class at school...there are only 7 of the grade 6s and out of those...4 are from separated and/or divorced families.

Is divorce an epidemic that could be prevented by making a marriage harder to enter into?

 

[MissTaken]

I do believe that if people were somehow required to put as much thought into marriage as they do divorce, the divorce rate would be lower.

We get married based on emotion.

We generally get divorced using logic and common sense, at least part of the way through.

Go figure.

I wish someone had made me really think, worry and wonder for three or four years before making that decision to marry him, like I thought, wondered adn worried for four years before making the decision to unmarry him.

Just my two cents, worth 3 in Canada?

 

[Bindii]

Always the bride never the bridesmaid....

*sigh*

I don't think so, divorce would be less prevelant if people actually took their vows seriously.

 

[Mia62]

I don't think so, divorce would be less prevelant if people actually took their vows seriously.

You know I think you are cool...but the above statement is a whole 'nother issue!!

 

[RudeNastyAssBitch]

If We Needed A License To Have Children Or Animals...

Would We Have Less Unwanted, Abused Children And Beasts?

 

[Sillyman]

I don't think it would do shit ultimately.

 

[MissTaken]

You know I think you are cool...but the above statement is a whole 'nother issue!!

Thanks, mia!



Perhaps there is some truth there. If we, divorced folks in general, took their vows more seriously, they might be less inclined to make those vows.

As for breaking the promise once made, it took me years and i know you went through some serious soul searching and heart ache before getting to that point.

 

[cheesysusie]

You know I think you are cool...but the above statement is a whole 'nother issue!!

Mia, I think it ties in nicely though. I mean, if people were made to try harder to "get" a marriage, it would logically follow that they'd take the vows more seriously. I mean, if you have to work at something, aren't you going to try a little harder to make sure it works out?

 

[MissTaken]

Re: If We Needed A License To Have Children Or Animals...

Would We Have Less Unwanted, Abused Children And Beasts?

Perhaps if a condition of the license was to do a criminal record check!



And under go a mandatory waiting period as well as release all mental health related documentation.

Ah, but this sounds like yet another thread.
Could be fun!

 

[Bindii]

You know I think you are cool...but the above statement is a whole 'nother issue!!

You think so?

I don't. So many people get divorced because their partner won't show them the respect that they deserve, or they are unfaithful and a mulititude of other reasons that we all vow to do when we marry.

In the 'old' days people were often quicker to marry than they are now, the average age of the new couple was younger than todays' couples too. Yet the divorce rate was lower then than it is now. The shame of divorce is no longer - giving people the freedom to basically do what they want. It seems that many people don't even bother to try and work out conflict anymore prefering instead to up and leave....why not its easier that way right?

 

[Mia62]

Mia, I think it ties in nicely though. I mean, if people were made to try harder to "get" a marriage, it would logically follow that they'd take the vows more seriously. I mean, if you have to work at something, aren't you going to try a little harder to make sure it works out?

I 'worked' for many years...years of being emotionally and verbally abused...should I have worked "harder"?

I realize that your comment was not directed at me personally...but that is why I said that Bindii's comment opened up another can of worms. An outsider can never know how hard one works on the inside.

 

[Cheyenne]

We get married based on emotion.

We generally get divorced using logic and common sense, at least part of the way through.

Maybe the marriages that last started out using not only emotion to decide whether to marry, but also logic and common sense?

 

[Mia62]

Maybe the marriages that last started out using not only emotion to decide whether to marry, but also logic and common sense?

That could be true IF there was a balance of the two. I think that if you let one side outweigh the other then it is bound to fail.

 

[MissTaken]

I think that before this thread gets too hot, "people" and "you" aren't necessarily directed at individual posters.

There are "people" who change spouses like I do my nylons, but that isn't me, it isn't mia or many other men and women at lit.

Just a bit of perspective....

 

[Mia62]

I think that before this thread gets too hot, "people" and "you" aren't necessarily directed at individual posters.

There are "people" who change spouses like I do my nylons, but that isn't me, it isn't mia or many other men and women at lit.

Just a bit of perspective....

That is why I told cheeseysusie that I knew her post was NOT directed at me personally.

 

[MissTaken]

That is why I told cheeseysusie that I knew her post was NOT directed at me personally.

Oh, I know.

Just doing my usual peacemaker and fire prevention stuff.



Others will be here shortly.

*giggles*

 

[Sillyman]

Re: Re: If We Needed A License To Have Children Or Animals...

Perhaps if a condition of the license was to do a criminal record check!



And under go a mandatory waiting period as well as release all mental health related documentation.

Ah, but this sounds like yet another thread.
Could be fun!

A criminal record does not indicate whether or not you would make a good parent, nor does your mental health record. Mentally ill people take enough shit from life without having our kids taken away from us, thank you. A lot of fucked up up deeply disturbed people come from homes where no one has any records of any kind.

 

[cheesysusie]

I 'worked' for many years...years of being emotionally and verbally abused...should I have worked "harder"?

I realize that your comment was not directed at me personally...but that is why I said that Bindii's comment opened up another can of worms. An outsider can never know how hard one works on the inside.

I guess I chose words poorly. What I meant to imply was that if you had to try harder to "get" a marriage, if you were required to fully understand what it means to be married before being allowed to do it, you might be more likely to understand the sanctity of those vows a little more. Thus, you'd be more likely to stick to them. I didn't mean to imply at all that you or anyone else here simply didn't work hard enough. I believe that in the process of understanding the vows better, one would come to have a greater understanding of what those vows would mean for themself and their partner. Thereby, allowing you greater insight into your partner, and your relationship. I think a lot of people would realize during this process that their partner was not the right person for them. Just my thoughts though.

 

[Mia62]

HEY!!! Here is a marketing thought for all of you counsellors out there...

Start a practice specializing in PREmarriage counselling!!

 

[Bindii]

HEY!!! Here is a marketing thought for all of you counsellors out there...

Start a practice specializing in PREmarriage counselling!!

Actually pre marriage counselling is common here.

 

[MissTaken]

HEY!!! Here is a marketing thought for all of you counsellors out there...

Start a practice specializing in PREmarriage counselling!!

Sadly, most of what I end up doing is "How to have a successful divorce."

I do believe it serves a purpose in the long run, in terms of keeping things cool and healthy for children, but it is a sad testament.

 

[Cheyenne]

HEY!!! Here is a marketing thought for all of you counsellors out there...

Start a practice specializing in PREmarriage counselling!!

The church already plays that role for many couples, I think.

 

[littlecat]

I think that the high rates of divorce these days is just another example of the selfishness of people these days.. I mean Dr Phil (that Oprah idiot) has told the people of the world that it is okay to just walk away from things you don't want in your life. And yes, I can definately agree with leaving toxic folks that suck your energy and do not really matter to your life or any abusive situation, but what about the marriage that just needs a little more time and communication? Seems it is way too easy to just throw it away and get another

Obviously these folks do not care about anyone but themselves. I am talking the love 'em and leave 'em types here, not those of you fleeing for your lives or getting out from under a verbal dictator. How many times do you have to throw a marriage away before your kids decide it's just another thing to do like taking a test in school? That is what it seems like these days....

I am 100% for commitment. Hubby and I have been together for almost 14 years, and my folks were together for 30 (my father died) I am passing on to my daughter that you can be mad and still love each other (she is three) and that nothing is more important than our family. I am not expecting any divorces in her lifetime, not for the fickle reasons I am talking about anyway.

I think we should make divorces a lot more difficult to obtain. Maybe that would make the marriage players take a minute or two before jumping into number three or four.. Special needs would have to be considered I know, and Mia62 WAY TO GO!!!
L.

 

[Cheyenne]

*bump* for the day shift.

 

[Rambrat]

The degree of difficulty will not prevent people from entering into a marriage.

I do think that couples take their vows seriously. What they need to do is put the effort into keeping the marriage alive. BOTh parties...not one. Communication is what is lacking. We also seem to be more tolerant of strangers then we are with the one we love.

I think people expect more...if we are to enter into a contract of exclusivity, we are entitled to overall better treatment then that which one would give to the person on the street.

Divorce is more prevalent because it is not as socially unacceptable. It would have been just as high 50 years ago if people were not afraid of being outcast in society.

It should be a yearly contract.