If it's not Scottish - it's crap!

[Isabella Thorne]

The Button

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house,
exclaiming,"Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't button me pants."

"Oh, Angus...I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."

About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.

The little lady looks at him and says "My Gosh, whatever happened to
you? Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did. Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."
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got another wee joke from The Highlands to add?

 

[Isabella Thorne]

A commercial traveller was driving through the Scottish
Highlands when his car broke down. There was a cottage
near by so he went up to it and knocked on the door.
The door opened to reveal a burly Highlander.

"My car has conked out," said the traveller, "Where can
I spend the night?"

"Why, right here of course!" said the Scot, "Come in and
avail yourself of our world famous hospitality."

The traveller duly entered the humble but cosy residence.
"Jeannie," shouted the host in the direction of the
kitchen, and in response to his call his beautiful daughter
appeared.

"Jeannie, make a meal for the gentleman and remember to
uphold our great tradition of Highland hospitality."

The traveller was soon tucking into an appetising meal,
the girl had indeed spared no effort to extend Highland
hospitality to the guest.

"And now," said the Highlander, "I'm afraid I must go
out and milk the cows, but just make yourself at home and
take full advantage of our world famous Highland hospitality."

No sooner had the door closed behind him than the
traveller set about seducing the lovely daughter. In no time at
all he had her on floor and was on the job.

Suddenly the door opened and there stood the Highlander.
He took one look at what was going on and his face
turned purple with rage. He dropped his two buckets of milk
with a crash and gave verbal vent to his wrath.

"After all I have been saying about the Highland hospitality," he roared,
"Arch your back woman, and take the poor man's balls off the cold floor."
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You can always pull out if you like it too much.
~Garbage~

 

[Weird Harold]

These are way too good for page three so soon.