If I was a ____________, I'd...

[Keroin]

If I was a mannequin, I'd be posed as if I was scratching my bum. No matter what store I was in.


If I was a tree, I'd drop all my leaves at once, in June. Just to keep them guessing.











Feel free to play.

 

[Keroin]

If I was a telemarketer, I'd phone people at 3am and ask "Is this a good time?".

 

[Keroin]

If I was a dolphin, I'd start a "Humanarium". I'd put on shows for other dolphins and make the humans do tricks like fill out income tax returns and tie shoelaces. Then I'd toss them cheeseburgers and scratch their bellies.

 

[chy_girl]

If I was a bird, I'd poo on the litterbugs.

 

[redslady]

If I were a calendar, I'd get rid of Mondays

 

[chy_girl]

If I were a tea kettle, I'd give little whistles *before* the water was hot just to see how many times I could make the person come over and look.


If I were a sunbeam, I'd find a nicely made bed and warm it through the window in hopes that a cat would come along and curl up on me to purr and sleep.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

~~ "If I were a carpenter..." ~~

Oh. Sorry. Wrong thread.

 

[graceanne]

If I was a bird, I'd poo on the litterbugs.

Ooh. I like that one.

If I were a streetlight I'd go off every time someone walked under me, and then turn back on as soon as they are away. I'd talk all the other street lights into doing it too. Then we'd laugh.

 

[brioche]

I totally have a Peter Paul and Mary earworm now...

"If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning..." Pete Seeger thinks they improved it.

linky-dink

 

[graceanne]

I totally have a Peter Paul and Mary earworm now...

"If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning..." Pete Seeger thinks they improved it.

linky-dink

Yeah. Me, too.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Yeah. Me, too.

I love PP&M. I used to have all their albums (on vinyl! *And* on tape and CDs!), but they all somehow disappeared in one of the divorces.

 

[Keroin]

If I was a flight attendant, I'd do the safety demo in a Darth Vader voice.

 

[Keroin]

If I was a porn star, I'd ask "What's my motivation?" before every scene.

 

[graceanne]

I love PP&M. I used to have all their albums (on vinyl! *And* on tape and CDs!), but they all somehow disappeared in one of the divorces.

What's not to love? They rock.

This thread reminds me of that poem 'When I'm an old woman I shall wear purple'.

 

[YourCaptor]

If was a girl I’d be one hell of a bitch, I’d have men do anything I wanted with the suggested promise of sex, and never hold up on my end. I’d play every man for his money and then break their hearts. Then I’d change into a new cute outfit and play them all again. Every chance I’d sue, just because every little thing I do is oozing promises of sex does not mean I meant it. I’d always get everything free with a wink and a smile. I think I’d miss my dick though, and would be pissed off about it. Seduce men into my bed and then whip the hell out of their dicks with a vengeance. But what to do about the sex. I’d have to find me some cute tranny that can’t cum, don’t want that slimy sneeze in me, I don’t know how you ladies do it. To the world I’d look bi, you know, to increasing the desirability even more.

 

[Etoile]

If I were a cat, I'd live at Disneyland, taunting humans during the day by getting oh-so-close but staying out of reach, and eating all the mice I wanted to at night!

 

[ImOnIt]

If I were a frog, I would sit on a lilypad and that would be just grand.

 

[Keroin]

If I was an astronaut, I'd shout "I call shotgun!" on the walk to the spaceshuttle.

 

[Keroin]

If I was a grocery store cashier, I'd put the food in the bags without scanning anything, but I'd make a "bloop" noise as I picked up each item. When customers asked me what I was doing I'd tell them I was a scanning robot, then I'd do the robot dance to prove it. And when they asked me why there was no total and no receipt I'd tell them I'm a generous scanning robot.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

If I were a forum moderator, I'd trace certain wankers and other brain-dead posters and delete them from the electronic universe.

Hmmm... that may be why I've never been asked to be a mod. Anywhere. Any time.

 

[Kat73]

If I was a dildo, I would be warm and moist most of the time!

 

[chy_girl]

If I were an angel, I'd mend broken and hurting hearts as a hobby.

 

[where]

If I were a man, I'd play with my cock all day.

oh, hang on....

 

[pleatedskirt]

if I we were a skirt I would be sexy short pleated skirt......

 

[DVS]

If I was a mannequin, I'd be posed as if I was scratching my bum. No matter what store I was in.


If I was a tree, I'd drop all my leaves at once, in June. Just to keep them guessing.











Feel free to play.

If I were a female submissive with a spirited personality and a willingness for a little experimentation, I'd go knock on my door and make two people happy.