I would like to make my hubby my slave

[HousewifeChloe]

I've been indulging in light bdsm with my husband on and off for a few months. Usually, he's a dominant character, but he seems to love the release of occaisionally submitting to me.

The fantasy I have is to give him this submissive release on a more permanent basis. I've asked him if he'd like to become my slave. Serve me as a full-time Mistress, where I would not be his wife. He laughs this off and yet I crave the need to be worshipped by him, to turn him into a lowly subordinate.

Obviously, I'm new to BDSM - except for avid online discussion and reading articles - but would someone be kind enough to help me in my dream to turn my husband? Is there any way I can slowly turn him over time. There is definitely a submissive side to him that I believe, whether he knows it yet or not, would blossum with training.

Any help would me so much appreciated.

Chloe.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Help? Not if you are talking non-consensual.

C

 

[Never]

How about we just assume she's talking consensual until she suggests otherwise?

 

[HousewifeChloe]

catalina_francisco

Thanks for letting us all know what a good, up-standing citizen you are *lol*

Never

Quite true. And, yes, I'm talking full-consent. I would like to help hubby cast aside inhibitions that prevent him - I believe - from becoming truly submissive.

I need a way of encouraging - not manipulating - him to explore himself in this area. What I hope is that he will see what I see: That true submission is his ultimate calling.

 

[catalina_francisco]

How about we just assume she's talking consensual until she suggests otherwise?

OK Never....didn't realise I had done otherwise, nor that you would see my response as reason to assume I had, but on second reading of the origiinal posting, it tends to lean more toward wanting to change someone who has not consented than having a consensual relationship with a SO on their jointly agreed terms. Play sessions of bondage/submission are far different to full time slavery which if I read correctly is the problem...he has not agreed or indicated it is what he is prepared to agree to and the poster wants ideas on changing this. All I said was I was not intereested in helping anyone into anything non consensual which I stand by.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

catalina_francisco

Thanks for letting us all know what a good, up-standing citizen you are *lol*

Never

Quite true. And, yes, I'm talking full-consent. I would like to help hubby cast aside inhibitions that prevent him - I believe - from becoming truly submissive.

I need a way of encouraging - not manipulating - him to explore himself in this area. What I hope is that he will see what I see: That true submission is his ultimate calling.

Thanks for clarifying Chloe....your original post was rather vague. Nice you think me an good, up-standing citizen, but if you get to know me you will find I am not interested in such observations as they aer not where I am at. You might like to skirt back over the last month or so's threads, or do a search for expediency, and you will find plenty of threads dealing with this same issue with lots of good advice from posters.

C

 

[HousewifeChloe]

catalina_francisco


Chill out, sweetie

Everyone understands you - and, for the last time, I'm trying to bring hubby out of his shell voluntarily...not kicking and screaming *LOL*

 

[HousewifeChloe]

Thanks catalina_francisco - problem is, I'm far too busy, and far too lazy to do that *guilty grin*

 

[Never]

HousewifeChloe:
"Everyone understands you - and, for the last time, I'm trying to bring hubby out of his shell voluntarily...not kicking and screaming *LOL*

"


Please, it so obvious that you just want to chain this guy down in your basement and feed him only gruel for a few weeks while you can indoctrinate him into your evil Domme mindset.

*lol*



Welcome to Lit, and the BDSM forum. Sorry, people here can be a bit jumpy around newbies. I wish I could help you but I'm a novice myself.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sory, no you don't understand me..or if you do you will be the first apart from Master which would indeed be a feat of no small proportions!!! I have no need to chill out as I am not in a sweat (heatwave broke here last week), and most definately am not sweetie...LOL...part of understanding me, don't take sweetie from strangers. Sorry your life is so busy you can't search for the information you want so bad though...takes about 5 minutes and is far less time consuming than training a slave believe me...just ask my ever patient Master.

C

 

[HousewifeChloe]

*LMAO* @ Never

Mmmm... *goose bumps* the idea never occured to me *wink wink* *L*

Thanks for the welcome, sweetie

 

[HousewifeChloe]

*LMAO* @ catalina_francisco

You're a total headcase, sweetie

But cute with it, so I like you

 

[catalina_francisco]

*LMAO* @ catalina_francisco

You're a total headcase, sweetie

But cute with it, so I like you

And welcome....... total headcase?...now there is a new way to express it, but yes, some find my head very confusing to keep up with but that is OK......fortunately Mastr is one of the few who doesn't and is part of why I love him so...and cute?!!....sheesh, you sure don't know me....always wondered how to reach cute status though incase I ever found a need for it. LMAO

C

 

[catalina_francisco]

Ah...an Aquarian...explains a lot. A Gemini myself so we are floating in similar airspace.

C

 

[HousewifeChloe]

catalina_francisco

I have no trouble keeping up with you, sweetie. Headcase does not = complex. Headcase = looped, cracked, whacked, mad, insane, disturbed, troubled, loopy And I mean that in a nice way. I know a lot of people like you and find them all equally entertaining.

 

[Never]

I'm a water sign, myself.

 

[Never]

Catalina,
As you are the one with the most experience here, do you think you could give us some idea how to overcome the societal/mental roadblocks that would inhibit someone from expressing their submissiveness?

 

[catalina_francisco]

catalina_francisco

I have no trouble keeping up with you, sweetie. Headcase does not = complex. Headcase = looped, cracked, whacked, mad, insane, disturbed, troubled, loopy And I mean that in a nice way. I know a lot of people like you and find them all equally entertaining.

I've obviously been hanging in the wrong places as most seem to have the idea they have never met anyone quite like me, usually in the nicest possible way of course....and definately complex. Even my own mother says she has never met anyone who comes close to the complexity of moi...but I always see it as so simple, is everyone else who has the trouble. LOL

C

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina,
As you are the one with the most experience here, do you think you could give us some idea how to overcome the societal/mental roadblocks that would inhibit someone from expressing their submissiveness?

Don't know as to the level of experience...I consider myself a novice. Have to be sure those are the inhibiting reasons first...might be simply not up to full on commitment and wanting nothing more than play. If not, perhaps Ebonyfire would be the lady to ask as she has extensive experience as a Domme to male submissives....and loads of personality, wisdom, and insight to boot.

C

 

[Hecate]

As many answers as there are definitions of "slave" ...

Chloe,
the following may or may not apply to you - so please don't take any of it as a personal comment - I am more trying to point out a few general pointers that may be valid for you as well....

First of all, let me start with something very "clichee", the definition of "slave" and all the implications that come with it!

Specially for someone with not all too much real life experience it may sound lovely and intriguing to picture a willing 24/7 slave to read our every whim from our eyes, alas, let me tell you - it is NOT! It is damn bloody hard work even under the best of circumstances - so before we get any deeper in this whole slave business I suggest a bit of "motivation research" first.

What is it that you REALLY want? And I suggest you step naked in front of a mirror when answering these questions as utter honesty is what is needed here!

Is it admiration you seek?
Is it the wish to be pampered and catered for?
Is it control you want?
Is it the wish to have "the say" in your relation?
Is it the wish to dispose of unwanted tasks and responsibilities?
Is it the exciting sexual stimulation you want?
Is it some "position of power" he holds in your relation that you want to be breached?
Is it ...... ?

As you probably can tell, I am trying to point out the many many many motivations for our desires to take on a dominant role - and I am not declaring any of them wrong or right ... but not for all of them a 24/7 Mistress/slave solution is the answer.

Truth to be told, a permanent live-in constant "role setup" is only for a few of our community - it requires a lot of dedication and determination on both parts to make it work satisfactory. Much more common - to my knowledge anyway - are time-limited "role plays" to various degrees of intensity, from just "kinky sex" to "slave weekends" etc.

For many of us, it is a wonderfull and liberating mindset - but none we can sustain on a permanent basis. We (as in us dominant females) too have our weak moments, where we want to be simply held and kissed, cherished and loved. We have moments coming home after icky days at work where we want to just slump into a chair and not make a decision for the rest of the evening anymore ... alas, no such luxury if you have a slave.

Those darling creatures need our guidance and strength - always! There is no "switching off" after you have stepped into this adventure. That requires a LOT of energy and a real deeply embedded desire to dominate... and that is even with a true slave who desires nothing more than to please you! Replace that picture with a challenging and "not sure about his role himself" man! Your efforts must be multiplied to keep him in a "happy place" - and YES! it is not primarily his jobto keep you happy, it is as much your obligation to give him all he needs to be menatlly and physically safeand sound!

It is the Dominant who is responsible to shape and sustain the relation and smooth the slacks and tensions in it - you are in charge, it is your fault if it doesn't work! You have to think - feel - plan - decide - choose for the two of you!

Do you really want that? Is that your deepest desire? Can you look at your nude self in a mirror and still firmly say that this is your lifestyle choice? Excellent!

Now to find your perfect counterpart ...

Think back how it was when you met - when you got together - when you decided to marry him ... what was it that attracted you, that you fell in love with about him?

If it was his strength, his deciciveness etc. you might want to reconsider your motives behind your wish to turn him into a slave.
Has something changed between you?
Something you respect him less for in the meantime?
Has he in the meantime become stronger in your relation than you thought?
More successfull than you and you were equal in the beginning?

>Note: I am not personally refering to you with any of this as I don't know you - I am just trying to expand the possible motivations <

Again - before you embark on something that grave that may influence and change a relation just make sure you do it for the right reasons and motivations.

If strength (his dominant character) was something you fell in love with in your partner then think carefully what remains if you strip that aspect from your relation!

Think carefully about the fact that - just because this guy happens to be in your life at present as your husband - he may not be the suitable candidate for slavery! The occassional submissive adventure are no indicator at all to be suitable for a slave-life!

Is your desire strong enough to risk a (hopefully pleasant) marriage to blow up over this? (Yes, I do draw my picture black and white - but there is much at stake, too much to mess with unless you NEED IT!)

If again you can answer that with a unhesitant Yes! to your naked self ... then how to get your husband into it?

There comes the "Whoops!"-bit!

Submission (at least in my book) is a gift. A precious present freely placed at the feet of the Dominant by the submissive who for him/herself has decided that thisis what they crave to feel complete.

Even though we have established that you are indeed truely desiring your husband to be your 24/7 slave - what about him? Safe, sane and consensual - that is for the both of you!

Even should he try to please you just for the love he has for you, but not feel "into it" himself it will be nothing but a farce, and it will not last! It is - as the Dominant - your task to see those things to and call them to an end if you realize it means unhappiness or lack of meeting his needs.

Ask yourself what he would be getting out of this new arrangement? Why should he be wanting to change your relation from hubby/wife with the occassional kinky sex to a full 24/7 D/s relation? You think he has it "in him" to serve ... then how come he doesn't crave that for himself?

You can help him to face his desires - should they really be in him - by letting him know that you will not appreciate him less for giving into his submission.

Let him know that you will not consider him weak, that you will not see him as a lesser person should he wish to serve indeed.

Give him incentives - ideas - communicate openly and honestly with him - not just "in passing" after you roll over after a kinky session. Bare your desires to him - soul-deep honesty towards you and your partner is paramount in satisfying BDSM relations. It is give and take, for Dominant and submissive alike.

Assure him that there will be no ridicule involved, no jeopardizing of his social status outside your own four walls should he not wish it .... start small and offer a "weekend test run" with agreed to limits and honour them! Try how he reacts if you request "small things" of him like choosing his shirt for the next day to work - how does he feel if you order his food in a restaurant without you asking him what he wants?

Give him chances to experience what he may be getting himself into - show him the good bits, the freedom of not making any more decisions after a day at work (but then be prepared for the consequences - you are in charge means you are in charge and there is no "backup" from him!)

I know - you are the Mistress and can fucking well do whatever you want with your slave; isn't that after all what it all is about?

Truth is - NO! It is about fufilling each others needs and desires.

Only if he too can accept your role he will be able to submit himself to you - and only his given submission will make you Dominant.

so my tip:

Take your time! And be honest to yourself and to your partner! Even if you dontt like what you see that knowledge will be essential in exploring your true motivation and make you a better partner and with luck a perfect dominant for your husband.

As well - be gentle to yourself and your partner - try hard, don't give up too quickly once you are convinced that is what is best for BOTH of you - but as well be gentle enough to finish the experiment should it turn out more of a burden than a pleasure.

Last but not least: 24/7 BDSM is not for everyone - it is not "the ultimate goal of the lifetyler", and there is no shame in admitting to the "kinky sex only" scheme of things!

Being Dominant is NOT being selfish - au contrair! It is double responsibility!

Being Dominant is NOT being lazy - au contrair! It is double work!

Being Dominant is not a state for an individual - it always means there must be a matching submissive couterpart. And Dominance to me is only satisfactory if it fulfills the needs of my submissive too.

There is no manual of making someone sub - the only advise I can give is open honest conversation and enjoying what he is willing to give freely, encouraging more but not depairing if it will never be what you dream of now.

Sorry for my ramble - but maybe there were a few lines in it to help you find a way to the next steps on the way to hat you seek.

Hecate

 

[catalina_francisco]

Nice to read you here again Hecate...your words are always full of wisdom and truth. Hope life has been treating you well.

Catalina

 

[Hecate]

Thanks for the nice words

For now it will be still only sporadic appearances but hopefully come fall I'll be back on a more regular basis again instead of only very rarely occassionally lurking.

see you around
Hecate

 

[Caitlynne]

Re: Thanks for the nice words

For now it will be still only sporadic appearances but hopefully come fall I'll be back on a more regular basis again instead of only very rarely occassionally lurking.

see you around
Hecate

Hecate, your words brought me to tears. Thank you for your wonderful (if sporadic) contribution!

~ Cait

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Thanks for the nice words

For now it will be still only sporadic appearances but hopefully come fall I'll be back on a more regular basis again instead of only very rarely occassionally lurking.

see you around
Hecate

Miss You Hecate!

 

[navarre]

Re: Thanks for the nice words

For now it will be still only sporadic appearances but hopefully come fall I'll be back on a more regular basis again instead of only very rarely occassionally lurking.

see you around
Hecate

Yes, we have missed you.
I'm sure we'll all be looking forward to seeing you here more often.