I would like some honest feedback

[Sdaisy1111]

The warmth of your body enfolded with mine
Our nakedness belonging to only you and I
Your kisses tell me you hunger for more
Your fingers vanish into my secret
I open my eyes to you studying my face
As I become aroused by your touch
My hips following your motion,
Your fingers so deep

You slide away from me
Pulling my legs apart
You begin to conduct your orchestra
Your tongue becoming your baton
Running circles over my flesh
My clitoris aching for your kiss
Every inch of my being becomes awake
I plead for more, begging to you not to stop
You don’t disappoint, in tune with me you are
As your tongue radiates your concerto throughout me

The pleasure so overwhelming I shut me eyes
And imagine your hardness inside of me
Your conducting becomes faster and precise as you
Sense that I am reaching the crest of my ecstasy
My pulse echoing in my head, my heart quickens Its rate,my skin tightens, my breaths become deep And fast I explode in your mouth
The crescendo Of your musical piece is fierce
My orgasm is your standing ovation

The outside world for these precious minutes does not exist
Time stops for a brief moment as we become as one All of my senses au courant, every muscle, Vessel, and hair tingling with this symphony you have given to me

As the harmony of your notes begins to ebb,
The maestro is gone, you come back to me
Your kisses are gentle my sweetness on your lips
I express my gratitude as
We entwine our bodies together and
Your warmth enfolds me again.

 

[MyOpinion]

mmni

 

[WickedEve]

I agree with Opi about introducing your theme earlier.

Your structure needs to be worked on. Appearance is important. When you're reading a poem, the way it's laid out can certainly add or distract from your words. A quick fix would be to shorten a few of the longer lines -- unless you're using that as a device as Opi so interestingly suggested.

Also, you could consider combining your first two strophes so that you have your theme present from the beginning, though it would help to cut out some lines. Actually, most poems never hurt from a good edit. When you reread you can usually see where many unnecessary words can be cut.

Here's a small edit of your first two strophes:

Warmth of your body enfolded with mine
Our nakedness belonging to only you and I
Your fingers vanish into my secret
My hips follow your motion
You slide away from me
Pulling my legs apart
You begin to conduct your orchestra
Your tongue becoming your baton
Running circles over flesh
My clitoris aching for your kiss
Every inch becomes awake
I plead for more, begging for you not to stop
You don’t disappoint, in tune with me you are
As your tongue radiates your concerto throughout me

I just cut out a few words for a first edit. I think it would help to use fewer words throughout the poem and make each word count.

More editing:

Warmth of your body enfolded with mine,
our nakedness belongs to you and me.
Fingers vanish into my secret;
hips follow your motion.
You slide from me, pulling legs apart
to conduct your orchestra.
Your tongue becomes your baton,
running circles over flesh.
My clitoris aches for your kiss,
every inch awake - I plead for more.
You never disappoint; in tune with me,
you radiate your concerto throughout me.

 

[karmadog]

more editing:

baton tongue
conducts my body

 

[WickedEve]

and more...

So... in the first stanza:

You warmth enfolds with mine,
our nakedness belongs to us.
Fingers vanish into my secret;
hips follow your motion.
Your baton tonuge
conducts my body,
running circles over flesh.
Clitoris aches for your kiss.
Every inch awake,
I plead for more.
You never disappoint.
In tune with me,
you radiate your concerto
throughout me.

Daisy, this is just to give you an idea of how revisions can reshape your poem. Some poems may need one and others, like one I wrote recently, may need many changes before you get a finished piece.