I wonder if I'm a submissive.

[Lorelei_11]

I don't know that much about BDSM. Maybe you can help me, I might be a submissive but I'm not sure.

I'm not submissive in everyday life, that I know for sure. I'm not dominant either, somewhere in between.

In the bedroom, I'm totally not into the slave thing. I don't like to be deprived or teased. I don't want to be on my knee's and serve completely.

What I do enjoy is a spanking. Anal sex is something I want to explore. I would love to be tied up and blindfolded. I like to be instructed. I enjoy being dominated in these ways, and other subtle ways.

Does this make me a submissive?

 

[jadefirefly]

Just because you don't enjoy -everything- you may find on these boards, doesn't mean you're not a sub.

Then again, if you choose not to label yourself as one, then you aren't.

A lot of it is mindset. If you would prefer to think of yourself as submissive, then by all means, do so. BDSM can be a very vague world. The beauty of it is, you have the choice to be whatever you feel most comfortable being.

It isn't what others call you that matters; what matters is what you answer to.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

From your description of what you enjoy, on the BDSM orientation chart you might fit best as a bottom, not a submissive.

Use whatever works for you and your partner.

 

[Art H.]

Just because you don't enjoy -everything- you may find on these boards, doesn't mean you're not a sub.

Then again, if you choose not to label yourself as one, then you aren't.

A lot of it is mindset. If you would prefer to think of yourself as submissive, then by all means, do so. BDSM can be a very vague world. The beauty of it is, you have the choice to be whatever you feel most comfortable being.

It isn't what others call you that matters; what matters is what you answer to.

Much more elegantly written than my "Only you can decide what you are " answer

 

[Lorelei_11]

Just because you don't enjoy -everything- you may find on these boards, doesn't mean you're not a sub.

Then again, if you choose not to label yourself as one, then you aren't.

A lot of it is mindset. If you would prefer to think of yourself as submissive, then by all means, do so. BDSM can be a very vague world. The beauty of it is, you have the choice to be whatever you feel most comfortable being.

It isn't what others call you that matters; what matters is what you answer to.

The thing is, I don't even know if I'am. I don't know what the critera of one is. I mean, don't some people just enjoy a spanking and being tied up? or does that make you a sub?

It seems that others are way more into things than I'am. The slave thing, flogging, many more intense activities. I'm not sure what degree's of play are included in the bdsm world.

Do you mean by vague world that there are some people like me? That there are that many degree's of bdsm?

 

[Lorelei_11]

From your description of what you enjoy, on the BDSM orientation chart you might fit best as a bottom, not a submissive.

Use whatever works for you and your partner.

Oh, o.k... I've heard that term, bottom and top as well. I don't have a partner, I'm single.

I thought it was the same thing as submissive. So, does submissive only apply to slaves?

 

[Art H.]

Oh, o.k... I've heard that term, bottom and top as well.

I thought it was the same thing as submissive. So, does submissive only apply to slaves?

Nope, I'm not a slave and I sub for some close online friends of mine. Then again, being a switch helps there...

 

[Lorelei_11]

Nope, I'm not a slave and I sub for some close online friends of mine. Then again, being a switch helps there...

This is a little confusing for me.

So a submissive is a submissive in terms of being a bottom. Or, a submissive in terms of being a slave? Submissive in completely different ways.

 

[Art H.]

This is a little confusing for me.

So a submissive is a submissive in terms of being a bottom. Or, a submissive in terms of being a slave? Submissive in completely different ways.

Exactly, no one sub can truly be pigeon-holed into one degree of submission all the time. Sometimes we merely want a spanking, others we may want to be tied up and made to serve.......

 

[Lorelei_11]

Exactly, no one sub can truly be pigeon-holed into one degree of submission all the time. Sometimes we merely want a spanking, others we may want to be tied up and made to serve.......

I wish there was some outline so that I could clearly understand it.

I don't wish to call anyone master and serve them. From what I can tell so far, I'd be considered a bottom.

 

[chris9]

The thing is, I don't even know if I'am. I don't know what the critera of one is. I mean, don't some people just enjoy a spanking and being tied up? or does that make you a sub?

It seems that others are way more into things than I'am. The slave thing, flogging, many more intense activities. I'm not sure what degree's of play are included in the bdsm world.

Do you mean by vague world that there are some people like me? That there are that many degree's of bdsm?

I figured I'm submissive by my fantasies. And I suppose I could say I'm a bottom. Not a slave though. Anyway, I don't feel I'm a bottom, sound kind of weird to me anyway. You could also be neither, just 'normal' and enjoying kinky sex.

And what you're into can change. Doesn't have to, but it can. I started pretty much with a spanking and wanting to be tied up. Now I can just imagine doing something more, trying some of the more intense activities.

 

[FurryFury]

This is a little confusing for me.

So a submissive is a submissive in terms of being a bottom. Or, a submissive in terms of being a slave? Submissive in completely different ways.

Lorelei_11!

Honey! I LOVE your av! I just had to show it to my husband who also loved it. It's just wicked!

Now, my understanding of being a bottom as opposed to a submissive is that the bottom is just in it for the play or the sensations and not for the power play or to submit to anyone.

My understanding of a slave is that they have willingly given up themselves to a Dom or Master and in most cases have gone 24/7 into a Total Power Exchange relationship. Note, they choose this course because it appeals to them.

Submissive's to my way of thinking do want to submit and do want that power exchange but they might want it only in the bedroom, or full time. Many submissive's are very dominant in the rest of their worlds but don't want to be in the bedroom.

There are variations in every category. The categories themselves sometimes overlap too.

What you are, is something you will have to decide as you explore and realize for yourself what you feel inside.

I was confused for a long while but now I know what I crave and what I am right now. I do reserve the right to change over time. For human beings change will come. Someday I might think of myself differently but then again I may not. It's all good as long as you accept yourself whatever your proclivities, you know?

Enjoy your journey toward more self knowledge!

Fury

 

[Lorelei_11]

I figured I'm submissive by my fantasies. And I suppose I could say I'm a bottom. Not a slave though. Anyway, I don't feel I'm a bottom, sound kind of weird to me anyway. You could also be neither, just 'normal' and enjoying kinky sex.

And what you're into can change. Doesn't have to, but it can. I started pretty much with a spanking and wanting to be tied up. Now I can just imagine doing something more, trying some of the more intense activities.

I can see where I might want more. I do know that I will never be submissive outside of the bedroom. I might get into being flogged. I will say I'm not into pain. I like a spanking but its not really painful.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Lorelei_11!

Honey! I LOVE your av! I just had to show it to my husband who also loved it. It's just wicked!

Now, my understanding of being a bottom as opposed to a submissive is that the bottom is just in it for the play or the sensations and not for the power play or to submit to anyone.

My understanding of a slave is that they have willingly given up themselves to a Dom or Master and in most cases have gone 24/7 into a Total Power Exchange relationship. Note, they choose this course because it appeals to them.

Submissive's to my way of thinking do want to submit and do want that power exchange but they might want it only in the bedroom, or full time. Many submissive's are very dominant in the rest of their worlds but don't want to be in the bedroom.

There are variations in every category. The categories themselves sometimes overlap too.

What you are, is something you will have to decide as you explore and realize for yourself what you feel inside.

I was confused for a long while but now I know what I crave and what I am right now. I do reserve the right to change over time. For human beings change will come. Someday I might think of myself differently but then again I may not. It's all good as long as you accept yourself whatever your proclivities, you know?

Enjoy your journey toward more self knowledge!

Fury

Wow! Thankyou for all the information and understanding of my situation. Understanding that I don't really understand where I'd fit in.

Oh, and glad you liked the Av. The animated sex cartoon Av's are my favorites. They are wicked, naughty, twisted and its just wrong. lol I love them. They are fun too, fun and sex go together sometimes.

I'm a good girl and typical a bit conservative. Yet, in the bedroom I'm kinky. Snow White is like me in that Av. I like the idea of all that stimulation. I kind of like the idea of someone watching me have sex... perhaps the thought that I might be caught, seen by someone. I've never tried it. I have heard its possible to get away with, I'd never really want to be caught. Just the thought that its possible however slim of a chance to get caught.

I'd be a bottom that would like to be dominated a little. I like it when having sex doggy style and he would push his hand down on my back, kind of pin me there. So I do like some dominance. Just not calling someone master and asking them to make me cum, asking permission to cum... maybe. If told, do you want me to spank you, ask for it... say please. That is not for me. I want him to simply make me cum.

I suppose in time I'll figure it out.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Hmm... well there are many different style's of dominance, just as there are different levels of submission.

Sounds like you have a descent idea of a style/aspect of dominance that doesn't work for you (you don't like the having to beg... can't say I blame you there).

Never want to be submissive outside the bedroom though. huh.

Lemmie give you a couple of other questions to ask yourself

Do you want to be more objectified? Controlled? Forced (I saw you use that word a couple of times)

What if you were gagged?

How about face fucking (forced oral)

Does the thought of being tied up and shaved appeal to you.. or mild torture such as ice play or nipple clamps?

Do you enjoy sitting at someones feet while they play with your hair? If so, is that a purely physical indulgence, or have you notices a whole swell of emotions that goes along with that (lol,... if you had, you probably wouldn't be asking if you were a submisssive... silly me)

Lol.. the more i go on in this vein, the more i feel like a begginer myself.

This is interesting, there is a lot for me to answer and think about. I believe in a give and take relationship. I believe in consulting each other on important things, large purchases, a move perhaps. Why do you say huh? to me not being submissive outside of the bedroom. I'm easy going, but don't fuck with me, or you'll find you have an opponent.

Now, I will come back in a bit and answer the rest of these.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Hmm... well there are many different style's of dominance, just as there are different levels of submission.

Sounds like you have a descent idea of a style/aspect of dominance that doesn't work for you (you don't like the having to beg... can't say I blame you there).

Never want to be submissive outside the bedroom though. huh.

Lemmie give you a couple of other questions to ask yourself

Do you want to be more objectified? Controlled? Forced (I saw you use that word a couple of times)

What if you were gagged?

How about face fucking (forced oral)

Does the thought of being tied up and shaved appeal to you.. or mild torture such as ice play or nipple clamps?

Do you enjoy sitting at someones feet while they play with your hair? If so, is that a purely physical indulgence, or have you notices a whole swell of emotions that goes along with that (lol,... if you had, you probably wouldn't be asking if you were a submisssive... silly me)

Lol.. the more i go on in this vein, the more i feel like a begginer myself.

O.k I covered the never want to be submissive outside of the bedroom thing on my first post to you... so now for the rest of it.

Begging doesn't turn me on in anyway, rather turns me off.

hmmm objectified, controlled, forced. Perhaps its forced. I like the idea of being tied up. Although, I'm claustrophobic and I want fake handcuffs, or silk scarves that I can get out of should I want to. I just want the feeling of it, the fantasy. Perhaps its controlled, because I don't want rough sex. I'd enjoy being gagged, meaning something tied around my face and in my mouth. I dont' wish to be choked.

Face fucking... no, thats not for me. His hand on my head at times, gently pushing himself farther in my mouth. No throat fucking, no forced oral. I love giving a blowjob. Its done passionately, lovingly. It turns me on.

Being tied up and shaved, doesn't appeal to me. Nipple clamps, and ice, I'd like to try that.

I've never had anyone play with my hair while I was at their feet. Its appealing though. Its appealing whether I'm at their feet or not. I imagine I would have to try it to know if other feelings swelled up in me. Right now, it sounds loving, nurturing and sweet. I do like a man to be dominant in the bedroom, but thats pretty much the norm. The idea of being at his feet when he does it, shows dominance and in that way I like it.

 

[alice_underneath]

I don't know that much about BDSM. Maybe you can help me, I might be a submissive but I'm not sure.

I'm not submissive in everyday life, that I know for sure. I'm not dominant either, somewhere in between.

In the bedroom, I'm totally not into the slave thing. I don't like to be deprived or teased. I don't want to be on my knee's and serve completely.

What I do enjoy is a spanking. Anal sex is something I want to explore. I would love to be tied up and blindfolded. I like to be instructed. I enjoy being dominated in these ways, and other subtle ways.

Does this make me a submissive?

Hi, Lorelei.

With apologies for stating the obvious, I would say that the answer to your question depends on how one defines "submissive".

The bad news: there appears to be a fair amount of confusion (and controversy) over the definition of BDSM terms - including this one.

The good news: the only definitions that really matter for you are yours and those of your prospective partners.

For help in contemplating the possibility of my own submissiveness, someone with a lot of experience as a submissive pointed me toward an informative, non-porn website called CastleRealm. Thank you, Miss Rebecca. At the following link, the different types of submissives are broadly described:

http://castlerealm.com/subspace/subspace.htm

Given your proclivities (as outlined above), I also highly recommend two pieces of erotic fiction from my Favorites List. Written by Lit author Moyds_jewel, they are:

Diane's Journey
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=90118

and the sequel -

Diane's Journey, The Play
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=114343

Welcome to the BDSM section of the Board.

Alice

 

[Cricket Song]

I don't know that much about BDSM. Maybe you can help me, I might be a submissive but I'm not sure.

I'm not submissive in everyday life, that I know for sure. I'm not dominant either, somewhere in between.

In the bedroom, I'm totally not into the slave thing. I don't like to be deprived or teased. I don't want to be on my knee's and serve completely.

What I do enjoy is a spanking. Anal sex is something I want to explore. I would love to be tied up and blindfolded. I like to be instructed. I enjoy being dominated in these ways, and other subtle ways.

Does this make me a submissive?

If you're not submissive than I'm definately not. I'm not into any of what you've said. But I know deep in my core that I'm submissive. There is an hidden part of me that wants to be controlled. Some people bring this part to the surface, but the circumstances prevent them from seeing it or acting upon it; and I'm in a state of mind preventing me from telling.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Hi, Lorelei.

With apologies for stating the obvious, I would say that the answer to your question depends on how one defines "submissive".

The bad news: there appears to be a fair amount of confusion (and controversy) over the definition of BDSM terms - including this one.

The good news: the only definitions that really matter for you are yours and those of your prospective partners.

For help in contemplating the possibility of my own submissiveness, someone with a lot of experience as a submissive pointed me toward an informative, non-porn website called CastleRealm. Thank you, Miss Rebecca. At the following link, the different types of submissives are broadly described:

http://castlerealm.com/subspace/subspace.htm

Given your proclivities (as outlined above), I also highly recommend two pieces of erotic fiction from my Favorites List. Written by Lit author Moyds_jewel, they are:

Diane's Journey
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=90118

and the sequel -

Diane's Journey, The Play
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=114343

Welcome to the BDSM section of the Board.

Alice

Thanks for the information. I checked out the link and I believe I fit into this catagory.

#

The sexual submissive. Also known as a bottom or sensual sub. This type of submissive is into it mainly for the sexual gratification derived from some of the activities practiced in BDSM. Once their needs are met they no longer feel a need to submit or surrender any other personal power or control

Also in this link, the women was mentioning wanting someone else to make decisions. I have no desire for that. I would feel completely out of control of my life should someone else make all the decisions. It would freak me right out. I don't have a submissive nature. Just in the bedroom for some kinky fun and thats it.

Thanks for the welcome. I've been checking out other area's of lit. I post a lot on the G.B.

 

[Lorelei_11]

If you're not submissive than I'm definately not. I'm not into any of what you've said. But I know deep in my core that I'm submissive. There is an hidden part of me that wants to be controlled. Some people bring this part to the surface, but the circumstances prevent them from seeing it or acting upon it; and I'm in a state of mind preventing me from telling.

I know myself very well, although there is always more to learn. I can say that the slave submissive role is not for me. Not deep down inside, not anywhere. I think I fall into the kinky aspect of it. I like variety, I like several other sexual things.

 

[Raine D8]

I don't know that much about BDSM. Maybe you can help me, I might be a submissive but I'm not sure.

I'm not submissive in everyday life, that I know for sure. I'm not dominant either, somewhere in between.

In the bedroom, I'm totally not into the slave thing. I don't like to be deprived or teased. I don't want to be on my knee's and serve completely.

What I do enjoy is a spanking. Anal sex is something I want to explore. I would love to be tied up and blindfolded. I like to be instructed. I enjoy being dominated in these ways, and other subtle ways.

Does this make me a submissive?

You seem to enjoy BDSM hints to play, doesn't everyone? It simply means your want and desire is beyond what you have and not in the sub/Dom realm for now, or maybe ever. Roles are roles. Hopefully you will find a lover who wants to play and not dom or sub.

 

[Lorelei_11]

You seem to enjoy BDSM hints to play, doesn't everyone? It simply means your want and desire is beyond what you have and not in the sub/Dom realm for now, or maybe ever. Roles are roles. Hopefully you will find a lover who wants to play and not dom or sub.

Yeah, thats what I'm thinking. It looks like people in bdsm are much more into it all than I'am.

I'm not into casual sex, I need compatability and a very close connection to get sexual with someone. Hopefully one day I will find someone who'd love to play, and who's totally into sex. Its going to take time though.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

The discovery is a work of art in progress. Despite having experienced little in the way of submission, good Doms being in short supply in my area, I do find that each day the thought of a new submissive act intrigues me. Or sometimes the thought down right turns me on to the point of full wet arousal.

My enlightenment is truly at hand.

 

[Lorelei_11]

The discovery is a work of art in progress. Despite having experienced little in the way of submission, good Doms being in short supply in my area, I do find that each day the thought of a new submissive act intrigues me. Or sometimes the thought down right turns me on to the point of full wet arousal.

My enlightenment is truly at hand.

I've had that in terms of other types of sex. For intance, I've always enjoyed giving a blowjob, it turns me on. I used to be sexually repressed, so when I performed them it was in the dark, very little licking, sucking and using my hand inbetween to save my jaw for the end.

Now, I want to lick in every way, long firm strokes, small little licks, kiss his cock. I want to look into his eyes. I want to slide his cock around my lips and smile at him. I want to take him in my mouth and stroke my tongue back and forth, left and right over the underside of his cock. I want to do it laying on the bed, with my back to him, sideways while he strokes my pussy. I want to have him kneel beside me and have my mouth full of his cock while he makes me cum with his fingers or a vibe.

Oh, and I discouvered that I love giving a hand job.

The submissive acts of slavery that I have read, don't turn me on. The way he talks to the sub, the way she is to do what he says, the way she is to address him and be with him. It doesn't turn me on.

That leg binder thing, that keeps the womens legs apart, while tied up, that turns me on. I don't want to ask permission to cum, that doesn't turn me on. To say my ass is his, or my pussy.. that doesn't turn me on.

There is nowhere for me to progress.

Everyone is different. Good for you though, I explored my sexuality for a long time due to living in a sexually repressed way for so many years.

 

[Cricket Song]

I know myself very well, although there is always more to learn. I can say that the slave submissive role is not for me. Not deep down inside, not anywhere. I think I fall into the kinky aspect of it. I like variety, I like several other sexual things.

Yes, there is always something else to learn; something interesting. And the kinky aspect seems to appeal to me. But in order for me to do anything beyond vanilla, I have to almost zone out (that's a bad description, but it'll have to do for now). Even then there's a part of me watching from the side lines, ready to say 'no' even though it might be a mere whisper. I can never be totally submissive. And the idea of being a slave is not of any interest to me.