i want to get started.. but i don't know..

[blazeylady]

I'm only 19.. but I've been interested in BDSM for about the past four years.
I really don't know whether I should try to do anything about it though.
I have a huge desire to.. but I feel like I'm too young, and would have a hard time finding someone.
Plus, I don't even know how I'd go about finding anyone.
I'm submissive and would want a dominant man. But.. you don't just go up to any guy and ask them if they are into it. Plus, I want an older man that has experience and can teach me.
But really I'm just confused and don't know what to do.
What do you think?

 

[Vixandra]

First, welcome to Lit.
Next- welcome to this Realm, its really not that strange (most of the time).

Okay now to buisness-
I would first suggest that you browse through the library threads here, there's umpteentrillion different threads covering everything under the BDSM sun just about and its a great resource.
Its great to learn because knowledge is power. Of course power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely... so absolute knowledge corrupts absolutely.

But anyway, next- if you're looking for a real local area Dom there are a couple of options. Post a personals add in the BDSM Personals here on lit, post an add up on a site like www.collarme.com or find a local Munch (bdsm gathering in a 'nilla setting).

Your age only has what you let it have, but you may not be able to attend certain groups or sites because more and more are requiring that participants be 21 for legal reasons. But that's certainly not all, so don't let it discourage you.

Before you find a PYL (pick your label for a dominant), think about why you're submissive, what kind of man you'd like to submit to and what your interests and limits are.
A soft limit could be something like anal sex- you'd only do it if you trusted someone completely.
A hard limit could be no urine or scat (fecal) play, you're not doing it with anyone, no way no how.

Hope this helps.
Best of luck!

 

[frank007]

Hi, My wife and I got into the lifestyle about 6 months ago, What we did was look on the Internet for Bdsm Groups in our area.. We found two, one in Cleveland and one in Akron ...The groups meet at least once a month on different weekends, so you can met and explore different things in the bdsm world.. You will feel no pressure to jump right in...What I like about is there is at least as many women as men.. Most of the women are Bi, my wife included.. I would be very carefull about meeeting a BDSM partner off the Internet.. if you find a meeting in your area it will be in a public area and you will feel safe... Your age might be a problem though..

 

[BeMindful]

take your time
try some role playing
there is nothing more appealing
than a submissive young lady

 

[tealsphynx]

there is nothing more appealing
than a submissive young lady

I don't know about that..I enjoy being the Domme in my relationship, I give command easier than I take them....that and the paddle makes a fun woosh noise as I swing it through the air...

I came to Lit not too long ago feeling the same way. I'm only 20 and I never would have thought about trying the BDSM lifestyle until I realised my husband was really into it. It scared me at first so I joined Lit to find out if it was really like media portrays it. Through the Library thread, links that people have put up and reading and talking with the members here I've learned alot about the lifestyle and myself. Welcome and good luck!

I've never had a female sub before....hmmm....

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Just remember it's still a relationship first and stick to what you've always wanted in a partner. The best Dom in the world won't give you the highs that true love will bring to a D/s relationship.

 

[MastrJ]

Go slow and don't be afraid to ask questions. If you feel a little alarm go off in your head, heed it. The rest of the advice on this thread is also really good and you should follow it.

 

[h_i_s]

Plus, I don't even know how I'd go about finding anyone.
I'm submissive and would want a dominant man. But.. you don't just go up to any guy and ask them if they are into it. Plus, I want an older man that has experience and can teach me.
But really I'm just confused and don't know what to do.
What do you think?

Becoming involved in local munches and other BDSM gathering in your area is best ... BUT ... when those are not available .....

Certainly take Vixandra's advice and head over to www.collarme.com .

You'll get a ton of email & PMs as a newly registered submissive at collarme and more than half will likely be from assholes, trolls and/or wannabes ..... BUT ..... the remaining half are many times sincere. For best results i suggest you remain active here as well as become active on the forum boards there, step out and make yourself known a bit, soak up the experience and guidance & information offered by others etc ect.

In late June of 2004, i was a submissive with 0% experience (not to be mistaken for unknowledgable .. i'd read everything online i could get my hands on regarding BDSM prior to my decision to seek a REAL TIME D/s relationship ... and knew what i wanted, needed & what to expect, what should be expected of me, should not ... etc ect ect, and interacted with other D/s couples aka mentors etc). i signed up at collarme.com, created a profile and found my Master (& in one day .... very rare though). We met each other in person the very next day. i accepted His collar in less than a week.

We are now married . Happy & very much in love are weak words which barely do justice in describing us in our 24/7 D/s marriage as Master & slave.

 

[Leolover711]

Good Advice

Sounds like Tealsphinx and Sinnocent have given the best advice. Please please be careful. My wife had a bad experience when she was young like you and it took many years to overcome that, in fact there are still lingering remnants over 15 years later. Good luck and remember the most important thing is learning and growing. The only way to do that is through experinece.

 

[DutchDom]

... But really I'm just confused and don't know what to do.
What do you think?

One thing to do when you're confused about what to do, is finding out what it is that you want to do. Writing these things down for yourself helps. Share with others what you feel comfortable enough about. The rest is still in progress. The best thing a person can become is itself.

Something you’ve have already done (and in My opinion, done right) is post here on Lit.

So far My addition.