I want this guy! Please help!

[Kozza]

Ok, so I'm vindictive... BIG DEAL! I'm still a kid... I may be 20, but I'm still a kid... I know I may not look mature, but using big words in your writing doesn't exactly look like you know what you're talking about either...

Our friendship is fine... I know that for a fact... Now that I'm being as slack as he is to me, things are kinda changing...

Him: "I need you more than you need me"
Me: "yeah I know... I'm glad you've realised that"
Him: "If I lose you, That I will lose everything in my life!" (or something to that affect)

See? my bitchyness is paying off... I'm very happy and I want to thank you guys for your help... You're all legends!

 

[Kozza]

ok... now I've also realised that he's not the guy for me... i don't know how, but even my mum has said so... I really like the guy, but he's just not the right one... How could I have been so god damn stupid! (wait, don't answer that)

It's all good now... I'm better with him as a friend... thanks guys!


P.S. I can't WAIT till he reads this! He's gonna shit himself... It's gonna be the end... but I really needed to know what y'all thought... and hey... It's paid off big time! WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

[Freya]

Ok, it's late, and I'm tired and probably a little bit bitchy...but I really need to tell you that you are fuckin whacked.

In less than two days, you have gone from totally loving this guy more than anyone else in your life and actually dumping a guy for him.....to wanting him to want you so that you could hurt him......to telling him that he couldn't have you but you are still his friend......to realizing that he wasn't the guy for you.

I'm sorry, I know it's been a few years since I was 20...but fuck woman! I sincerely hope I was never that shallow, immature and psychotic. You managed to garner some of the best advice on here that I have ever seen, even though your first post was odd....you even managed to get sympathy. Personally I think you are an attention whore, and my main suggestion to you is to seek some serious mental health counselling, as you obviously have very serious issues - not only with yourself, but with men.

I pity the next poor guy you set those psycho eyes upon. Makes me glad I don't have any boy children in their early 20's.

 

[deliciea]

RE: Whacked

that is the least of her worries girl tough love is good in les than 48 hours you changed your mind 15teen upteen times and 2 of them with ing a hour this is why woman have a bad name for being indecisive plan and simple shit or get out of the



way

 

[funwdi]

Hey everybody

How 'bout we all stop giving this girl crap and give her good advice. These boards are not here to make people feel bad.

Here's my advice...back away. Fast. You don't want him as a friend, you don't need him as a friend, you are starting to resent him as just a "friend" (he doesn't seem like one, and you are not being very nice to him either).
Be careful. Your emotions can get the best of you.
You are just getting more and more hurt by this.
Be good to yourself.

 

[Lust Engine]

Whoa now...

"Ok, so I'm vindictive... BIG DEAL!"
It IS a big deal being vindictive. You ask for our advice & then can't stand the heat when we point out a personality flaw. Being vindictive doesn't get you any further along in life & makes you really look immature. We just wanted to point this fact out for YOUR benefit and not ours. Getting back at people doesn't exactly help in fostering a healthy relationship.

Which brings up my next point..."I'm still a kid... I may be 20, but I'm still a kid..."-well, when do we start acting like an adult? This statement here is a major cop out! This is a feeble attempt at denying any responsibility in the relationship and then to rip either Dreamer0919 or I for using "big words"?? I really didn't see either one of us using grammar beyond high school level. WHAT Big words are you talking about???

Besides you're the one asking for our advice; we toss it out there. I'm not saying you have to like our two cents worth, but you've got to be prepared to get roasted a bit if certain people disagree with your views.

But y'know... if you're comfortable in a dysfunctional (does that count as a BIG word?) relationship so be it.

You asked. We responded. The majority of us think you need some help either growing up or some therapy for your long term happiness, but again... that's OUR opinion.

 

[Lust Engine]

Re: Hey everybody

How 'bout we all stop giving this girl crap and give her good advice. These boards are not here to make people feel bad.

Here's my advice...back away. Fast. You don't want him as a friend, you don't need him as a friend, you are starting to resent him as just a "friend" (he doesn't seem like one, and you are not being very nice to him either).
Be careful. Your emotions can get the best of you.
You are just getting more and more hurt by this.
Be good to yourself.

I disagree about "giving this girl crap" We've all stated pretty much the same thing you're saying by telling her to back off from involving herself too deeply with this guy.

But when she wants to start hurting another individual for the sake of just being evil (is there anything to be gained by hurting him back?), I think that's why we all spoke up and told her to back off.

 

[dreamer]

Ok, so I'm vindictive... BIG DEAL! I'm still a kid... I may be 20, but I'm still a kid...

CHOOSE to grow up. Yes it is a choice. Live your life with character and honour and I assure you friendships, relationships, and just life in general will be better.

I am by no means an expert. Hell, my life is a total wreck (in my eyes, because I expect a lot from myself.)

Again, I just ask one question that I think you should ask yourself.

Why would you choose a friend who thinks and talks like that?

In a very large way we define ourselves by who we choose to call friends in life. I don't think you would use such hateful, and more importantly HURTFUL means of talking about women. Why would you want anyone in your life who does?

You face an opportunity to define yourself a little right now. Take that opportnuity and be mature, confident, and positive.

You have my best wishes.

 

[deliciea]

ok will give you that your right

but girl need to rethink her resaons behind bieng with him and if it bothering her she need to move on it aint healthy

 

[SXCRgirl]

I asked WHY i wasn't his cuppa tea, he said he didn't like anything about me, my personality, my looks, my weight... everything... so then why am I still his closest friend???

HELP!!!

Granted I didn't read all the responses, so if this is a repeat, I apologize.

It sounds like this guy has major emotional problems. You are his closest friend because he has no one else. I'm sorry to be harsh but ... think about it for a moment. He doesn't like anything about YOU yet, YOU are his best friend??? How strange is that? Friends on a very basic level have some common ground. Personalities that click, you know, that sort of thing. If your BEST friend says that they don't like ANYTHING about you, run the opposite direction and run fast. It sounds like this guy is using you to fill his time until something better comes along.

Love yourself enough to say, ENOUGH. You're 20 and there are millions of people in this world. Spend time with people that will make you feel better about yourself. You may WANT this guy, but ... if he doesn't want you and he doesn't even LIKE you in the very least ... then there's no point in wasting another minute pining away for him.

 

[hunnigrrl]

It's not about him...

This is so wrong on so many levels. This isn't about him. It's about you. Don't bring home lonley strays and don't try to bandage the self inflicted wounds of the flakey and wishy-washy.

He said he doesn't love/want you. MOVE ON! If it doesn't come naturally, you cant just rip the bump of it like a jigsaw puzzle piece so it fits! It just won't work. Forcing the issue never makes these things work. It only makes you more miserable.

Self-esteem YES. That's EXACTLY what it is.

Sweetie... as one 'robust' woman to another I'm going to share a secret with you. MOVE ON. Life is too short and you'll never get to all of it anyway but you have far more options than you realize.

Here's how the real world works in my opinion... follow closely:

If we round down to 6 billion people on earth we can safely assume that half are women. That leaves 3 billion men on this planet. We can assume statistically that a third are too old and too young and that leaves 2 billion. It's my opinion that half are married or gay and that leaves 1 billion eligible men.

50% live in Asia
20% are freaks (this can be good or bad, work your demographic)
15% are momma's boys (again a mixed bag)
In one billion men half are Catholic (this could still fall under momma's boys or deviants so ignore it)
3% are Mormon! (Which means multiple wives so your pool goes back up again)
14% are in military services (gone too long for my taste) and another 7% are in a government agency of some kind (GOD KNOWS where THEY've BEEN!)

If you remove those in various statistical ways, you find that there are roughly 235 million eligible, reasonably interesting/goodlooking/fun men in this hemisphere!

235 MILLION ELIGIBLE MEN

There are not enough years in your life to sort through all of them so why let one "Mr. Marginally-Okay-Potential-but-not-really" create a snag that might keep you from finding "Mr. Right" who loves you and who you love back just as much???

Life's too short. MOVE ON.

 

[Kozza]

It's amazing, I ask for some healthy advice in what to do and how to go about things, and most of you replied:

"GROW UP!"

It may well be because I'm young, but have you ever thought that I'm more mature than lots of kids my age??? Things have changed guys, kids aren't as mature as they used to be, especially when there's a guy/girl in the pipe line. I'm not trying to be vindictive, nor am I trying to hurt him, really I'm not, I just want him to know what it's like to be hopelessly in love with someone, and have them abuse you like he did to me. I may have changed my mind about my feelings for him, but hey, that's feelings... you can't tell how you are going to feel oneday to the next.

As Freya said so wisely:

"I know it's been a few years since I was 20...but fuck woman! I sincerely hope I was never that shallow, immature and psychotic."

Well, you obviously have a delusional memory of your early 20's, or you were 20 so long ago that you've convinced yourself that you were perfect, because no matter what happens, being 20 is still a learning period, a growing up period, learning from your mistakes, but you madam, must have been born with all the knowledge and wisdom in the world, as you obviously did not make mistakes, nor did you ever fall in love and out of it again...

Being a bitch to him is the only way he listens to anything... he is infatuated with himself, egotistical, but if you sit there and abuse him, he listens... and that's the only way he'll hear me... so it's understandable that every thing that I wanted to tell him was in a bitchy, rude way.

Finally ladies and gentlemen, I am hurt and astounded by some of your responses. I admit, it's hard to write down the whole story and tell you every little thing that has happened, so you are going on what I've been telling you, but some people have been quite rude and quite ignorant in your messages back. I'm not saying that this is all of you, but some of you.

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to write and trying to help me, and I hope all of you have a good week, month, year... life...

Thank you again

Kozza

 

[Guest]

 

[dreamer]

being 20 is still a learning period, a growing up period, learning from your mistakes,

Then learn. Look at what you've said and imagine a friend coming to you saying exactly what you have.

I assure you I NEVER put myself in situations you are in with people like that...at 20 or at 12. Choosing friends is far to important to me to just latch onto a complete creep.

You know, I never liked that excuse when I was 20, and I still don't like it. Yes you CAN learn from your mistakes, but one doesn't have to MAKE mistakes to learn. Don't go looking for bad situations just so you can claim them as some sort of 'learning experience.'

We are not trying to be mean, or holier than thou...we just see so clearly the self destructive behaviour that you apparently can't see about yourself. I think this would be apparent to someone of ANY age reading your description of events/feelings. You've asked for help. Sometimes the answers aren't what we're looking for, but that doesn't mean they are inaccurate.

Again, and still, I wish you the best.

 

[peachykeen]

oh. my. god. I don't even know what to say about this anymore. At first it was sad, then is became pathetic, and then psychotic, and now it's so much of all 3 I don't even know if there's a word for it.

Fucking grow up, girl, before that karma truck backs right the fuck up over you.

 

[alexandraaah]

Will you answer a couple of questions? I realize it's an open and shut case for you, but you did bring this to the board and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the situation.

I'm aware that we don't have the whole story, like you said.

I'm also not judging you, I just have a couple questions.

What are you getting out of this friendship?

What are you giving to this friendship?

Thanks!

 

[lovechild27]

I read this whole thing, I am 21 and you, my dear have the mentality of a 15 year old. I dont think you have a clue what you want, let alone what love is or how to even have a relationship. This guy isnt for you. Please get on with things and try to be a little more mature. The world isnt your soap opera or your talk show. Try to loosen up and have some fun. When you find someone worth being with, it will happen and you wont have to obsess over it. And I know people YOUNGER than you that are a whole lot more mature. I am just happy you dont have any kids.

 

[Kozza]

Did I say that I WASN'T going to grow up???? I think not... so why then is it pathetic??? I don't get it...

1: I'm getting a friend ou tof this relationship... A person who is there for me...
2: I'm putting everything into it... i'm there for him all the time... it's the same on both sides...

Listen, I'll get over it... don't worry... just forget I ever asked... consider this all closed....

 

[mutilato]

Kozza, I'm sorry posting here wasn't such a good experience for you. I know it's tough coming to terms with relationship issues with friends. It's always so hard to imagine that someone could like someone one way and not another.

In the future, try not to let it hurt your friendship with a person. For example, you may well have this great friend you meet tomorrow, you just loving hanging out with him, he's funny, he's interesting, he's even cute. you may have even fooled around with him. You have no interest, however, in having a romantic relationship with him. Maybe he's not funny in the way that you find sexy. Maybe the things he's interesting about aren't what you find the most valuable in a partner, maybe he's a different kind of cute than you prefer. You tell him honestly that you aren't interested in him that way because that's the nicest thing you could do for him if he is interested in you. Stop it before it goes too far.

Now he's upset with you. You lose a friend, but he feels like he lost a friend AND a potential lover. He feels unwanted and you feel as though you have no right to your feelings.Everytime he sees you he is reminded that he is unwanted and you are reminded that you people don't respect your choices.

This is probably going to happen a few more times to you, both ways. All you can do is try to find a way to retain as much compassion, dignity and grace as you can all the way through it.

Love and good luck.

 

[Freya]

It's amazing, I ask for some healthy advice in what to do and how to go about things, and most of you replied:

"GROW UP!"

It may well be because I'm young, but have you ever thought that I'm more mature than lots of kids my age??? Things have changed guys, kids aren't as mature as they used to be, especially when there's a guy/girl in the pipe line. I'm not trying to be vindictive, nor am I trying to hurt him, really I'm not, I just want him to know what it's like to be hopelessly in love with someone, and have them abuse you like he did to me. I may have changed my mind about my feelings for him, but hey, that's feelings... you can't tell how you are going to feel oneday to the next.

As Freya said so wisely:

"I know it's been a few years since I was 20...but fuck woman! I sincerely hope I was never that shallow, immature and psychotic."

Well, you obviously have a delusional memory of your early 20's, or you were 20 so long ago that you've convinced yourself that you were perfect, because no matter what happens, being 20 is still a learning period, a growing up period, learning from your mistakes, but you madam, must have been born with all the knowledge and wisdom in the world, as you obviously did not make mistakes, nor did you ever fall in love and out of it again...

Being a bitch to him is the only way he listens to anything... he is infatuated with himself, egotistical, but if you sit there and abuse him, he listens... and that's the only way he'll hear me... so it's understandable that every thing that I wanted to tell him was in a bitchy, rude way.

Finally ladies and gentlemen, I am hurt and astounded by some of your responses. I admit, it's hard to write down the whole story and tell you every little thing that has happened, so you are going on what I've been telling you, but some people have been quite rude and quite ignorant in your messages back. I'm not saying that this is all of you, but some of you.

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to write and trying to help me, and I hope all of you have a good week, month, year... life...

Thank you again

Kozza

Guess what dear..it's only been 12 years since I was 20. I made mistakes...a whole fuckin lot of them. I have a 15 yr old daughter who is more mature than you. I used to sleep with guys thinking that it would get their attention or affection, but I figured out that was a mistake by the time I was 18. And while I was not the most mature person in the world at 20, I was light years beyond you. I have fallen in love (or what I thought was love) and out of it, but I can guaranfuckintee I didn't do it in a 48 hour period. What you experienced, if you managed to fall out of it that qickly, was not love....nor any close approximation of it.

Do you actually want a person in your life that makes you be a bitch? What kind of self respect can you possibly gain, if you have to sink to that level? Wouldn't it be better to attempt to find friends that bring out the good in you, rather than the bad? A healthy friendship is about mutual trust, respect, caring...not about how badly you can treat each other. Find friends that make you think, that challenge your mind, that treat you, and expect to be treated by you, with respect and genuine caring...not someone that forces you to become a bitch to get his attention. Grow up a bit, find some self-confidence through learning to love yourself for who you are, and stop being someone who you are not. Once you learn to love yourself, you'll be amazed at the how the people in your life will start treating you better. As long as you have this inner demon that makes you think you are unworthy, you will be surrounded with people that reinforce that. Step away from them, and decide that you are a good person, and are happy with who you are, and you'll notice that people will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

 

[deliciea]

[qoute]Guess what dear..it's only been 12 years since I was 20. I made mistakes...a whole fuckin lot of them. I have a 15 yr old daughter who is more mature than you. I used to sleep with guys thinking that it would get their attention or affection, but I figured out that was a mistake by the time I was 18. And while I was not the most mature person in the world at 20, I was light years beyond you. I have fallen in love (or what I thought was love) and out of it, but I can guaranfuckintee I didn't do it in a 48 hour period. What you experienced, if you managed to fall out of it that qickly, was not love....nor any close approximation of it.

Do you actually want a person in your life that makes you be a bitch? What kind of self respect can you possibly gain, if you have to sink to that level? Wouldn't it be better to attempt to find friends that bring out the good in you, rather than the bad? A healthy friendship is about mutual trust, respect, caring...not about how badly you can treat each other. Find friends that make you think, that challenge your mind, that treat you, and expect to be treated by you, with respect and genuine caring...not someone that forces you to become a bitch to get his attention. Grow up a bit, find some self-confidence through learning to love yourself for who you are, and stop being someone who you are not. Once you learn to love yourself, you'll be amazed at the how the people in your life will start treating you better. As long as you have this inner demon that makes you think you are unworthy, you will be surrounded with people that reinforce that. Step away from them, and decide that you are a good person, and are happy with who you are, and you'll notice that people will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

well said freya felt that way many time and did not know how to express it

Kozzo girl you talk of tough love this is it be who you are not who ever one else makes you or you never find the real you

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

After reading this entire thread, I've noticed a couple of things:

1) Most people are assuming that the guy she likes is a jerk. How do we know this? Maybe he has tired of her psychotic stalking? Maybe he has tried to be nice to her and she wants him no matter what she needs to do? I'm not saying that this is the case, but let's give the guy some slack here.

2) Kozza has displayed all the characteristics of being both psychotic and manic/depressive. The two conditions, when mixed, aren't pretty at all. I've had first-hand experience with a person like this: a girl I worked with, suddenly was "in love" with me, yet I saw her as nothing more than a co-worker.

The problem with situations like this, is that most of the time, the female is the one that gets the sympathy. I used to work with a girl who suddenly was "in love" with me, even though the most interaction I ever had with her was in the break room...and even then, it was usually just innocent small-talk. She would hang around me during work hours, call me at home, and I would run into her in the oddest places. Finally, she professed her love to me, and when I told her that I didn't like her, she began spreading rumors at work about how I used her, and then dumped her. The girl was getting all kinds of sympathy from co-workers...many of them telling me that I was a jerk for doing that to such a nice girl. Luckily, I had a female friend at work that knew the full story, and when that full story came out, I got a lot of apologies.

So let's not assume that this guy she likes is a "jerk"....or not worth her time. Because it sounds more and more like it's the other way around.

 

[Freya]

After reading this entire thread, I've noticed a couple of things:

1) Most people are assuming that the guy she likes is a jerk. How do we know this? Maybe he has tired of her psychotic stalking? Maybe he has tried to be nice to her and she wants him no matter what she needs to do? I'm not saying that this is the case, but let's give the guy some slack here.

2) Kozza has displayed all the characteristics of being both psychotic and manic/depressive. The two conditions, when mixed, aren't pretty at all. I've had first-hand experience with a person like this: a girl I worked with, suddenly was "in love" with me, yet I saw her as nothing more than a co-worker.

The problem with situations like this, is that most of the time, the female is the one that gets the sympathy. I used to work with a girl who suddenly was "in love" with me, even though the most interaction I ever had with her was in the break room...and even then, it was usually just innocent small-talk. She would hang around me during work hours, call me at home, and I would run into her in the oddest places. Finally, she professed her love to me, and when I told her that I didn't like her, she began spreading rumors at work about how I used her, and then dumped her. The girl was getting all kinds of sympathy from co-workers...many of them telling me that I was a jerk for doing that to such a nice girl. Luckily, I had a female friend at work that knew the full story, and when that full story came out, I got a lot of apologies.

So let's not assume that this guy she likes is a "jerk"....or not worth her time. Because it sounds more and more like it's the other way around.

You definitely have to wonder that don't you? I'd be a bit scared if I was this guy too.

 

[ma_guy]

If I was this guy and knew this discussion existed I'd print it out and walk down to the local courthouse. I'd guess it would take all of 15 minutes to get a restraining order issued against her.

 

[Kozza]

huh???? I'm not fucken Psycotic... OR depressive... Actually, HE is the one calling me all the time... He calls me at midnight, he calls me at 9am, and then on his break at work... HE calls me... He is the one who msgs me... He calls me every night... I don't even have too pick up the phone to dial his number... he knows my schedule, he knows where I'm going... he asks me what I'm doing when so he can call me... I went out last night and he called me 7 times in the space of 1 hour... It's not my doing... none of this is... you guys are assuming too much... the question I wanted to have some help on is "why, if he is calling me so much does he pretend he doesn't like me... I mean, he was the one who started all this... we swapped numbers and he msged me first... then he called etc... how can you guys call me psycotic if you don't know who I am and you don't know the whole fucking story... I could say that Bob_Bytchin or ma_guy are necropheliacs, but I'm not that cruel, nor am I wanting to go out and get a them arrested... You people have assumed so much of this, that It's not worth asking anything of you... there's no point in asking for help... You have assumed that I'm at fault... and yet, you have NO idea... and I might add, you people have no idea how mature I am... you don't know me, you will never know me... you have all just said, yep, grow up, cos you're obviously immature... that hurts guys... alot...