I thought this was funny as hell.

[lorddragonwolf]

hey desert how are you?

 

[A Desert Rose]

hey desert how are you?

Better than I was. Almost marvelous again.



I want to share this with you, came today in my email....

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking...and the one blonde says to the other, "What do you think is farther..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooooooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

 

[Kajira Callista]

Better than I was. Almost marvelous again.



I want to share this with you, came today in my email....

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking...and the one blonde says to the other, "What do you think is farther..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooooooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

lol yeah that was funny. I actually smiled. i dont do that often

 

[Sir_Winston54]

A blonde is driving down the road in Kansas and sees another blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a wheat field, rowing like mad. The first blonde stops her car at the side of the road, gets out, puts her hands on her hips, and yells:

"It's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name ... and if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

 

[graceanne]

A blonde goes to Florida on vacation, and figures while she's there she's going to get herself some genuine alligator shoes. She goes to a few stores and is pretty surprised to see how much they cost. On her way out the last store she tells the sales lady "I'll just get them myself."
The sales lady rolls her eyes, and forgets about the blonde, until, on her way home, she sees the blonde out on the bayou, dragging in a dead alligator. She throws the alligator up on the beach, along with two other dead alligators.
The sales lady is kinda impressed until she hears the blonde say, "Damn this one deosn't have any shoes, either."

 

[snowy ciara]

You know you drink too much coffee when..

1. You're on Juan Valdez's Christmas list.

2. His kids thank you when they graduate from college.

3. You once caused a financial crisis in several small coffee producing countries when you tried to quit.

4. You ran 5 miles on your tread mill and it wasn't plugged in.

5. You refer to unleaded gas as "decaf".

6. You can run a 4 minute mile on your hands.

7. You lobby starbucks for frequent flyer miles so you can visit coffee plantations on your vacation.

8. When someone asks how you are, you say "good to the last drop".

9. Forget about Ross and Rachel, you want to know what's up with the Taster's Choice couple.

10. You can type 60 wpm, using the "hunt n peck" technique.

11. You don't tan, you roast.

12. You pawned your wedding crystal for a 32 oz mug.

13. You're constantly trying to figure out how to get coffee in an IV.

14. Your wedding vows include "to love, honour, cherish and start a new pot whenever I take the last cup."

15. Your prenup has provisions for possession of the coffee maker.

16. Messing with Number 14 is grounds for divorce.

17. You don't steam when you're angry, you brew.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . . perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

 

[A Desert Rose]

I hope this works...

 

[A Desert Rose]

This is old but it still makes me laugh...

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow you' re nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

 

[Wizard]

Re: This is old but it still makes me laugh...

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow you' re nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Your right it is old but IT IS STILL really true and funny....
Thanks for sharing it.

 

[MastrJ]

Alright! I was drinking a nice can of soda while reading this thread. All of you now owe me a new keyboard.

Damn soda. It's going to take weeks to clean it out of everywhere....

 

[snowy ciara]

Official Spew Alert

OMG.. This was too funny. We're talking, hot cocoa coming out the nose funny. Excuse me while I go clean my keyboard and moniter..

Warning: Female Humor.. Don't read if the Monthly Miracle and Minor Man Bashing offends you..

 

[lorddragonwolf]

 

[graceanne]

Re: Official Spew Alert

OMG.. This was too funny. We're talking, hot cocoa coming out the nose funny. Excuse me while I go clean my keyboard and moniter..

Warning: Female Humor.. Don't read if the Monthly Miracle and Minor Man Bashing offends you..

ROFLMAO

 

[lorddragonwolf]

Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence?

to see what was on the other side.


Why did the blonde return the scarf?

because it did not fit.


How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?


she feel out of the tree.

 

[graceanne]

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Last years hide and seek winner.

 

[A Desert Rose]

http://www.rio.com.br/animation/iconstory.htm


I miss you, LDW.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

http://www.rio.com.br/animation/iconstory.htm


I miss you, LDW.

this was funny as hell fell out of my chair laughing so hard.


and i miss you to rose.

 

[RJMasters]

http://www.rio.com.br/animation/iconstory.htm


I miss you, LDW.

Laughing...this was great thanxs ADR!

 

[graceanne]

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead
of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler:
Make me.

5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check
to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter
patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

14. Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...

15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time
he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the
real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light,
some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS
HAVE STAFF.

 

[graceanne]

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give
you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

good ones grace

 

[graceanne]

good ones grace

thank you