I thought girls were more observant

[phoenix6666]

To me and pop culture, it seems that guys are pretty oblivious to the nuances of life and relationships. I know that's the way with me. I can't if someone likes me or not unless they say it. That just so happened with me a month ago. I have a co-worker who was interested in me and finally came out and told me so and asked if I felt the same way. After thinking about it, I kicked myself for not noticing the 'signs' earlier. But I politely and gently told her I wasn't. I didn't beat around the bush or give vague answers or anything. I made myself very clear that I wasn't interested. However, this girl hasn't seemed to listen to my reply. She still seems to come after and try to get me to like her and such. I don't know how much more direct I can be. If you tell someone, "I don't like you" in no uncertain terms, is that being to vague?

 

[Ezzy]

Of course it is too vague, tell her how you really feel, let her know in no uncertain terms that if she continues to bug you in the work place you will be reporting her for sexual harasment, that normally slows down the fat ugly skanks.

On the other hand it also puts the lie to your Mr. nice guy image, but the woman pushed you to it after all.

If you failed to detect the hint of sarcasm in my post, perhaps you just missed the signs.

 

[widespreadinterests]

Seems to me there is almost never a good way to do this. If you are too nice you run the risk of what seems to be happening here - the interested party hasn't gotten the message and continues the behavior. If you are too harsh, you hurt the person, and, as already pointed out, you lose your nice person image, even in your own head, at least for a while. Plus, if you piss off that person at work, you do run the risk of retaliation in the form of a sexual harassment complaint.

You don't make it clear if this is a person you have to interact with on a regular basis at work. If so, being polite but distant, and saying nothing more about the 'crush' she has is probably a necessity, along with making it a rule that you and she never work on something together alone. If you are in a position to minimize your contact with her without hurting either of your career paths, that would be ideal. On the other hand, if she is going out of her way to interact with you when it isn't necessary, there are some things you can do to prevent that. Keep your office door closed, cut her off as soon as she approaches with some excuse why you can't talk with her (impending meeting, important lunch date, pressing deadline) and then just ignore her if she persists. It might also be wise to inform someone else at work about the situation, and how you are trying to handle it, so that your actions cannot later be misconstrued or misrepresented.