I should be so looky, looky looky looky

[redzinger]

Is there ever a word which is so versatile but is so easy to overuse and overlook?

I've just read the third story in the last 24 hours where a form of 'look' has been used three times in the space of a few sentences. There could be more, I just stopped counting at three.

I know this is one of my habits, and it's bemusing for me to find the same thing in some otherwise very well-crafted tales.


(For those who don't recognise it, thread title is a corruption of Kylie's first hit back in 1988 - the saucy little minx has been around for years:
http://youtu.be/bMCXx5k01Tg )

 

[redzinger]

Story number four, another set of looks.

 

[oggbashan]

I overuse 'then' and 'realise'.

But then I realise that I do.

 

[legerdemer]

firm but gentle

And or But to start sentences.

lol

 

[Boxlicker101]

firm but gentle

And or But to start sentences.

lol

I often start sentences with conjunctions like that. And, sometimes, I even start paragraphs with them. I believe it places emphasis where I want it.

 

[3113]

Overused or a common storytelling tool?

We could say that "said" is most overused, but really it is better for the story if it is overused and overlooked. If a writer uses a different word each time they mean "said" (John mused, Tom reflected, Susan postulated, Mary bemoaned), you'd notice. If they use "said" instead, you don't notice and the story actually reads smoother.

So, the question is, were the "looks" in these stories overused--meaning the writer should have (1) used different words like "gazed, perused, examined" or (2) edited down the "looks" and allowed readers to assume that characters were looking. Or was the use of "look" more like the use of "said?" Overlooked and taken for granted as a tool for storytelling?

 

[sr71plt]

It's quite all right to start sentences with "And" or "But" in commercial fiction--even to use sentence fragments in fiction. Just judiciously and for effect.

 

[oggbashan]

One of my internet friends, now long silent, used to write historical romances.

His besetting sin: All his characters 'turned to speak' in dialogue. They were spinning like tops!

 

[legerdemer]

I often start sentences with conjunctions like that. And, sometimes, I even start paragraphs with them. I believe it places emphasis where I want it.

Agreed.

It's quite all right to start sentences with "And" or "But" in commercial fiction--even to use sentence fragments in fiction. Just judiciously and for effect.

Exactly. I overuse these and find I need to cull them out. I've occasionally caught myself with three sentences in a row starting with a But. I often write in the middle of the night, then need to go back and edit the "2 am" prose out. Still hoping to get a VD story in. ( no, not that kind of VD )

 

[redzinger]

One of my internet friends, now long silent, used to write historical romances.

His besetting sin: All his characters 'turned to speak' in dialogue. They were spinning like tops!

Ah, this is another one of mine.

Also lots of smiles and giggles going on.

 

[sr71plt]

Agreed.



Exactly. I overuse these and find I need to cull them out. I've occasionally caught myself with three sentences in a row starting with a But. I often write in the middle of the night, then need to go back and edit the "2 am" prose out. Still hoping to get a VD story in. ( no, not that kind of VD )

"And" is my sentence starter nemesis. Just one step removed from my Germanic writing style of godawfullong sentences. Just one step away because it's still running it all together.

 

[robertreams]

Another one is began, or started. I have to be very careful or I will, "start to stroke her pussy". and never really do it.

 

[Ardent1]

The phrase, "the fact is".

 

[sr71plt]

The phrase, "the fact is".

That's a particularly maddening find for an editor in nonfiction, where the author is trying to sell a position/theory to the reader. A frequent edit note to this is "Can you recast? A fact to you, if you don't lay out your overwhelming evidence here, is someone else's supposition, and if they don't already agree with you, you may lost their agreement right here."

"Self-evident" and "obvious" quite often aren't to a reader either.

 

[oggbashan]

...

"Self-evident" and "obvious" quite often aren't to a reader either.

Both are red rags to me. If something is said to be "self-evident" then it isn't. It needs proof.

US writers use "self-evident" more than British writers.

It is an echo of The Declaration of Independence. Too many fail to consider that The Declaration of Independence was special pleading, a propaganda statement to justify rebellion. Its language was deliberately emotive, a rallying cry to Americans, and an attempt to 'prove' to potential allies (such as France) that the 13 Colonies had been treated badly by the UK Parliament at Westminster.

The Declaration of Independence is a wonderful document, but it is rhetoric, not logic. "Self-evident" is unproven and used as a justification, not justice.

 

[redzinger]

...another set of looks.

Just as an example, from today...

He looked at her as if he suddenly hated her. She knew the type. He looked at her as if he suddenly wanted to beat her. Lucky for her, having been beaten by men before, she recognized the look of revulsion that he obviously had for women and now had for her.

Two looks can be excused as emphasis. A lucky thrown in. Then the third look tips it over the edge.

 

[JackLuis]

I don't repeat,much but...

She smiled interlaced her fingers, put her elbows on the table, and put her chin on her hands, "So, you wouldn't want another one?" and gave him a look.

Lester wasn't real good at 'looks', he had a tendency to believe 'looks', were like "Sight Picture Acquisition" and he generally didn't like the feeling that gave him.

"Horny Spring #1"

 

[SandraMustard]

My problem is too many 'cocks' in a sex scene. My husband is my first editor and corrects that usage quite effectively. I had an editor remark that she learned new names for penises such as love-pole. (An AH member - do you recognize yourself?)

 

[sr71plt]

US writers use "self-evident" more than British writers.

That would go with a general observation I've made from both reading and meeting authors. British writers I've encountered have been more self-confident than American ones--with Americans giving too much attention to group think and writing by committee. It stands to reason then that American writers would try to oversell by using "self-evident" more than British ones did--in general, in the ones I've encountered. Of course, "self-evident" is rampant in nonfiction.

 

[sr71plt]

My problem is too many 'cocks' in a sex scene. My husband is my first editor and corrects that usage quite effectively. I had an editor remark that she learned new names for penises such as love-pole. (An AH member - do you recognize yourself?)

Oh, that's my go-to term for it. I like the sound of the word and its straightforward and honest--and reflects the personality of most of my male characters. Straightforward and honest with sex.

 

[robertreams]

My fav is "manhood"

 

[redzinger]

My fav is "manhood"

Cock or manhood for me. I probably over-rely on cock like Sandra.

However, I don't think I've ever used 'womanhood', not recently anyway. Must do some more writing.

 

[sr71plt]

Cock or manhood for me. I probably over-rely on cock like Sandra.

However, I don't think I've ever used 'womanhood', not recently anyway. Must do some more writing.

"Manhood" isn't visceral enough for me in most instances. I'd use it for a character in a story who isn't comfortable with sex and uses those sorts of affectations in other term usage. The step down from "cock" for me usually is "shaft." I rarely use "dick" and then mostly coming from the mouth of a near illiterate character, certainly a crude one.

I will only use "pussy" when spoken by a bubble-headed character. I find it juvenile and an erotic mood killer.

 

[legerdemer]

My problem is too many 'cocks' in a sex scene. My husband is my first editor and corrects that usage quite effectively. I had an editor remark that she learned new names for penises such as love-pole. (An AH member - do you recognize yourself?)

Sorry... I think I'd die laughing if I came across a love-pole in a story I was reading. Sounds, well, kind of ridiculous. Again, no offense, just gut reaction.

 

[lovecraft68]

Sorry... I think I'd die laughing if I came across a love-pole in a story I was reading. Sounds, well, kind of ridiculous. Again, no offense, just gut reaction.

Not as bad as one eyed snake....I've seen that here.

I'm going to try love pole, tonight. I'm going to ask my wife to wrap her lips around my love pole.

Most likely that will get it slapped....hmmm not a bad thing depending on my mood.