I Never Know What To Say

[juicylips]

Personal tragedies...sickness..death...divorce...etc.

When someone comes to me and tells me of these things..I am so fucking clueless as to how to respond. All the hugs and kisses in the world isn't going to help them, I know.

Especially hard online, when all you have is words and what you write seems so inadequate.


Can't we bottle Cym? Pass her words of warmth and comfort out when we need them.

Cassidy

 

[Andreina]

sure... maybe we can also include a lil self-spanking mechanism in the bottle.

 

[JaymesBlond007]

Say exactly what you feel JL

I mean.....wouldn't that be the way you would want it? There's no "right" and "wrong" about telling someone that you care about what is going on in their life, unless what you're saying is not exactly what you feel.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Personal tragedies...sickness..death...divorce...etc.
When someone comes to me and tells me of these things..I am so fucking clueless as to how to respond. All the hugs and kisses in the world isn't going to help them, I know.
Especially hard online, when all you have is words and what you write seems so inadequate.

Can't we bottle Cym? Pass her words of warmth and comfort out when we need them.

Cassidy

Hugs and kisses work for me when words are not there to describe the feeling. It's much harder online, but sending a few 's along the way would help a bit.

I agree with you, Juicy, that Cym is able to express the warm and comforting sentitments much better than most of us. Her words come directly from her heart and soul.

 

[juicylips]

Re: Say exactly what you feel JL

I mean.....wouldn't that be the way you would want it? There's no "right" and "wrong" about telling someone that you care about what is going on in their life, unless what you're saying is not exactly what you feel.

I want to make them feel better. I want my words to touch them.

When a friend is hurting, I hurt also.

Saying what I feel is the problem! How do you adequately express such things?

Cassidy

 

[cyn1959]

From the heart, with all the love you have in your heart...I understand this as it's happened to me, I've been in support groups where someone dies and you feel so speechless and empty. It's not like you can go to the service with family and express your loe as a friend in real life. And most of the time we don't know someone's family's email, so you can't even send a card to express your support and emotion.

I've been in situations in the "real world" where someone dies and you just don't know what to say. It's a normal reaction to human response of grief and don't be too hard on yourself. Just know that your love does matter, we are always comforted by love.

 

[riff]

I know what you mean, bejuiced labia

Sometimes I send an encouraging or sypathetic pm to the person.

Don't know if it helps much.

You probably wonder why I continue to bastardize your name. I am a great lover of juicy lips. Consider the wordplay a form of cunnilingus.

 

[JaymesBlond007]

Originally posted by juicylips
I want to make them feel better. I want my words to touch them.

When a friend is hurting, I hurt also.

Saying what I feel is the problem! How do you adequately express such things?

Cassidy

I kind of laughed when I read this JL. Not at the content itself, but the wording in general....

I never believed it was the word's that touched people, but the candor from which they were born. If you hurt inside, perhaps that is exactly what you need to say. Tell them that they aren't alone in thier pain, and that you would gladly weep with them to lighten the load. That two hearts, juxtaposed, are far better than one.
If you don't feel sad, but hopeful, then convey to the other how much you believe that there must be darkness to see light, and that your right there, keeping faith.

I've seen you post JL, you have no problem's expressing yourself. Perhap's you just need to relax, and just write....

 

[Lost Cause]

When the situation arises, I ask them, "what can I do to help?". Often it might be answer the phone while they are making arrangements, feeding pets, or cleaning up their house. I just try to lessen the burden as much as possible. When I thought my Brother would die in surgery (10% chance), I was there at his wife's request in case he died. She needed someone to hold on to and help guide her until the shock was over. All I did was run for coffee, question nurses, and provide a hand to grip. (He pulled through, and is back at work)
Just being there doing anything to make it easier makes a bond between people that will never be broken.

 

[MissTaken]

JL,

It isn't always what you say,
it is that you took the time to say anything at all.

And you do just fine, JL. Having read your posts, you are obviously a good friend.


Miss T

 

[Kasha]

Exactly Miss Taken...

I think whomever you are trying to console...well, they obviously know you and know you are a giving and warm person. They can probably tell even in great strife that you are reaching out a hand... and that is sometimes the exact thing they need.

kasha

 

[juicylips]

Exactly Miss Taken...

I think whomever you are trying to console...well, they obviously know you and know you are a giving and warm person. They can probably tell even in great strife that you are reaching out a hand... and that is sometimes the exact thing they need.

kasha

Thanks Kasha and MissT.....


Cassidy

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Say exactly what you feel JL

 

[Astro]

One of the reasons I love the internet is meeting new people, making friends through the ether that I would never have meet otherwise. However online when these people need help, its very difficult to help them, for me at least, I cant help but feel useless typing *hug* aint giving them as much help as if I were there and giving them a real hug. All my words seems empty at these times.

 

[lickerish]

JL, sometimes a --> or in some cases a --> (to show sympathy) is all it takes.

 

[RainOnMe]

Sometimes the best thing is just to tell them "I don't know what to say, I wish I did. I'm so sorry that you're hurting and I'm here for you". That may be all that is needed. Don't ever discount the impact that you can have even if it's just sending an e-mail or a PM to someone in need. It can mean more than you realize to that person. I found this out first hand a year and half ago. I'll spare you the details but I finally posted to a group I belong to what was going on and to make a very long story short, the e-mails I recieved were what I needed and gave me the added 'push' I needed to get my rear in gear and take care of things.

Well, that was probably more than you needed to know ........ sorry!

As hard as it can be to watch anyone in our lives having a difficult time, we do help just by being there.

Rain

 

[photographer]

Caring ....

The fact that you try is enough.

Writing words of comfort in times of loss is no easy task. The fact that you had the love and caring in your heart and soul to put pen to paper or fingers to keys and send some sort of communication, tells the recipient everything. That you care, you love, you feel the pain and the sadness and that you are thinking of them.

What greater gift can you offer than a part of your soul?

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Juicy I know what your talking about. When it comes to somthing like that I've NO fucking clue what to say. but I'm guessing saying anything would be best.

I remeber asking my friend why he's not beenat school then him telling me his dad just died. I didn't know what to say and just stared at him. then he said he had class. I felt like such a dick.

I never know what to say and am scared to say anything in those situations incase it all comes out wrong.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Wlecome to lit, Rain

Sometimes the best thing is just to tell them "I don't know what to say, I wish I did. I'm so sorry that you're hurting and I'm here for you". That may be all that is needed. Don't ever discount the impact that you can have even if it's just sending an e-mail or a PM to someone in need. It can mean more than you realize to that person. I found this out first hand a year and half ago. I'll spare you the details but I finally posted to a group I belong to what was going on and to make a very long story short, the e-mails I recieved were what I needed and gave me the added 'push' I needed to get my rear in gear and take care of things.

Well, that was probably more than you needed to know ........ sorry!

As hard as it can be to watch anyone in our lives having a difficult time, we do help just by being there.

Rain

We live and breathe words on the net, they are what lingers for the person to find - to see - when they return to check the mail or their thread or whatever. Some things are inexpressable, and all the words in the world can't convey them. Sometimes music can express things which words cannot capture, but seldom is it sufficient to express empathy... which leaves only silence to say what cannot be said.

But silence is so very unobvious over the net, and very unsatisfying when one feels the urge to do something. How does one get a hug into a PM? How does one sit, quietly, to be present when what's needed is a kleenex, or the comfort of holding a hand? How does one project that aura which says, "You go ahead and let it out, I will sit close by so that no harm will befall you as you feel most vulnerable..."?

I think one has to do as you have, and as others have suggested. Look in your heart, and even if it's no more than a smiley emoticon, reach out to let whoever it is know you are at hand. Sometimes that will manifest in different ways, but it is the contact which ultimately comforts the human soul, it is the reaching which says "I am your friend, so I care."

Even on the net, where our stock in trade is those utterly inadequate words.


Damned by typos. I hope heaven doesn't require a keyboard.

 

[juicylips]

Re: Caring ....

The fact that you try is enough.

Writing words of comfort in times of loss is no easy task. The fact that you had the love and caring in your heart and soul to put pen to paper or fingers to keys and send some sort of communication, tells the recipient everything. That you care, you love, you feel the pain and the sadness and that you are thinking of them.

What greater gift can you offer than a part of your soul?

Beautifully said.

Thank you!

Cassidy

 

[Nicodemus]

As has been said.....it is the attempt that can make the biggest difference. Most times when a person expresses these things they are looking for an understanding ear or a bit of sympathy....not a solution. The fact that they express these kinds of deep feelings with you is a testament to how valued a friend you are. We all have friends we care for but not all of them are the ones we go to with these kinds of feelings. That they come to you shows the caring, nuturing nature you posses.

Not knowing what to say is a part of it. Sometimes words are truly inadequate but being there for them is what is most important.

Nic,

 

[juicylips]

As has been said.....it is the attempt that can make the biggest difference. Most times when a person expresses these things they are looking for an understanding ear or a bit of sympathy....not a solution. The fact that they express these kinds of deep feelings with you is a testament to how valued a friend you are. We all have friends we care for but not all of them are the ones we go to with these kinds of feelings. That they come to you shows the caring, nuturing nature you posses.

Not knowing what to say is a part of it. Sometimes words are truly inadequate but being there for them is what is most important.

Nic,

Nic...that was perfection, babe.

Thanks...see?? why can't I talk like that???

Cassidy

 

[Nicodemus]

They still keep coming back to you so you must be saying the right things....even if you don't think so.

Nic,