I need suggestions........A serious thread.

[Debbie]

My stepson came to live with us when he was 14.
I was very upset and so was his father to discover
he was reading at a very low age level and did not even know how to use a dictionary.
We had him tested, he had not had the education he needed, his Mum had just signed saying he had done his homework.
We couldn't afford tutoring so went to the local library and researched the net for ideas.
He and I spent hours reading books, he read to me, I read to him(very basic so was read too behind closed doors) encouraging him to write stories for himself. Giving him as many car magazines, truck magazines etc. Giving him the tv guide etc.
And then went to his school and got as much help as we could from them. Even ended up changing schools because of a better attitude towards his being well behind.

It was a good year before he noticed the improvement, and things got a lot better for him. Thanks to his guts and school he has left school with some qualifications and now has a good job.

He had to want to do it though. It wasn't easy for him, it wasn't fun and there was a lot of time spent learning all sorts of basic things.

Finding thnigs that get your stepsons attention and make him want to improve is a good idea. Motivation another good idea.
Good luck, I know how sad this was for us.

 

[Temptress_1960]

ok, this may sound goofy...

but my brother learned to read by reading comic books. He read nothing but comic books throughout grades 4 - 12... yet, he graduated from college as a communications major with a minor in English literature.

My oldest son reads mostly non-fiction. He is not interested in "stories."

If you can find what your son likes to read, he will read. Whatever it is.

As for spelling... everyone has some spelling issues, words that you just can't get right... the trick is to learn to use the dictionary when you are unsure. Spell check does not catch everything. For instance, it doesn't know that your "public meeting" has turned into a "pubic meeting." The people reading the announcement will, however, notice immediately.

As for grammar... well, do you remember those Saturday morning commercials? Can't think what they were called, but I know my sister found them on tape for her daughter. One was called "Conjunction Junction" and they had very catchy tunes and graphics. Talked about grammar, and they were easy to understand.

I would also try a reward system with him. For instance, if he could get a B on a specific homework writing assignment, you could reward him with a special activity... like, take him bowling, or fishing, or whatever. Doesn't have to be expensive, but must be something that's a treat for him.

 

[Guest]

I think testing then tutoring is the best way to go. From my search...most computer software is kid oriented in the tutoring dept. And humilation will only make it worse.

Talk to the school and see if they have any tutoring programs available there. If not, placing an ad in the paper or something of the sort, might come up with a few possibilities.

There are worksheets on the net that you can possibly print out and have him complete for extra homework and study time. This is what I do for my daughter.


also try the sylvan learning centers... several parents I know have tried this and had great results.

http://www.educate.com/homepage.html

 

[Never]

Killswitch:
"Spell checkers and calculators are ruining the learning process for the youth of today...."

Spell checkers, Internet role-playing, and Lit. are the only reason I can write with any sort of fluency.

 

[LordLucan74]

Ok,
Make jokes if you want....whatever.....tell me its really me who needs the help too....thats cool.

But.....

I am a step parent of three teenaged boys as most of you know. My 16 year old step son can not write a fifteen word sentance without spelling ten words wrong, and making 5 gramatical errors.

He gets c's or sometimes d's in english class.

The fact of the matter is.....he can not do even 3rd grade english in my opinion.

I wish he could only write a fifteen word sentance....he wrote a 120 word essay(if you could call it that) and it was one sentance with probably 60 words mispelled and no punctuation marks whatsoever.....I mean it was un intellegible.

How do I help him? How do you teach someone spelling?

The grammar will be easier to deal with even though I am no pro.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Any computer programs that might help?

This pisses me off because they always pass him and let it ride....Now, I am affraid...no, I know he couldn't fill out a job application, or write a love letter to a girl without looking like a total numbskull.

Spell checkers and calculators are ruining the learning process for the youth of today....that combined with the education system giving up on them has me very worried.

What do you think.....and throw me some suggestions if you have any.

Thanks.

David

Your step-son is a bloody idiot. Sure, certain liberal types will claim he has a learning disability. But, in reality, he is a fucking idiot!!! DEAL WITH IT. His step-mom married the father of an idiot. How bright can you be, eh??? SAD!!! Spread those legs and further ruin the gene pool!!!

 

[Killswitch]

Re: Re: I need suggestions........A serious thread.

Your step-son is a bloody idiot. Sure, certain liberal types will claim he has a learning disability. But, in reality, he is a fucking idiot!!! DEAL WITH IT. His step-mom married the father of an idiot. How bright can you be, eh??? SAD!!! Spread those legs and further ruin the gene pool!!!

The boy is smart. He is just a product of a poor un enthused educational system and very lazy indeed. He has 20/20 eyesight but lacks the vision necessary to see the error of his ways.

Just wait till you have kids sport.

 

[Problem Child]

Right...Tonite he had to do these three little esays about the book Animal Farm....and unless there is some hidden meaning in the book that they read in class....I dont know if thats appropriate work for tenth grade english but whatever.

His mother corrected and changed one on the computer...and while she was correcting a hard copy of another one, I took the third one, circled the mispelled words, and the gramatical errors, handed it back to him along with a dictionary.

His mother enables this stuff a lot too, mostly because she is frustrated and tired of seeing the work not handed in, or not done at all.

She has been dealing with this a lot longer than I have and has almost given up.

But yeah....Im all for heres whats wrong...ok....now heres the resources to learn why and fix it....and its not a spell checker.

My opinion: You and your wife need to get together and get on the same page. She is still enabling him and you're not. He's getting the message that mommy will do a lot of the work for him.

Seventeen is pretty late to be learning basic reading and spelling skills. I think you and your wife need to present a united front and hammer away at the idea that he's heading down the road to minimum wage jobs if he doesn't learn this stuff. Then get him a tutor.

 

[Killswitch]

My opinion: You and your wife need to get together and get on the same page. She is still enabling him and you're not. He's getting the message that mommy will do a lot of the work for him.

Seventeen is pretty late to be learning basic reading and spelling skills. I think you and your wife need to present a united front and hammer away at the idea that he's heading down the road to minimum wage jobs if he doesn't learn this stuff. Then get him a tutor.

I couldn't agree more PC....but the problem is you cant teach someone something they dont want to learn. We wont give up......and yes she enables him only out of her own frustration of dealing with him for the past 10 years in school stuff, but she knows the deal.

One of the things my mother taught me before she left this shitty world is...you can not get blood from a stone.

 

[Problem Child]

I couldn't agree more PC....but the problem is you cant teach someone something they dont want to learn. We wont give up......and yes she enables him only out of her own frustration of dealing with him for the past 10 years in school stuff, but she knows the deal.

One of the things my mother taught me before she left this shitty world is...you can not get blood from a stone. [/QUOTE

Well, if he doesn't have any learning disabilities and you've done all you can...better get him used to working at Burger King.

Dunno what else you can do.

 

[morninggirl5]

Right...Tonite he had to do these three little esays about the book Animal Farm....and unless there is some hidden meaning in the book that they read in class....I dont know if thats appropriate work for tenth grade english but whatever.

His mother corrected and changed one on the computer...and while she was correcting a hard copy of another one, I took the third one, circled the mispelled words, and the gramatical errors, handed it back to him along with a dictionary.

His mother enables this stuff a lot too, mostly because she is frustrated and tired of seeing the work not handed in, or not done at all.

She has been dealing with this a lot longer than I have and has almost given up.

But yeah....Im all for heres whats wrong...ok....now heres the resources to learn why and fix it....and its not a spell checker.

Animal Farm was one of the required books in my 10th grade English class.


It really sounds to me as if there's something more happening here than what you're saying. If his mother has been dealing with this for much longer, she's probably more aware of the true problem. Seventeen and in 10th grade sounds like there have been problems in the past, problems he probably doesn't want the harping stepfather to know about.

Being "able" to do something and being able to be successful enough to make it worthwhile are two completely different things. Perhaps, he's able to learn grammar and spelling but if it's a skill that requires more effort than the reward, it's not something he's going to do.



You're willing to let this destroy your marriage? That's taking harping too far in the extreme. Sometimes you have to accept that everyone doesn't have the same talents and abilities and it's not horrible to lack skills in certain areas.

On the other hand, if i were in his shoes, there's no way in hell you could make me do anything. YOU are a step-parent, and he may be telling you to go to hell and get the fuck out of his life. That would be the message i would send if you were harping on me about something.



I'll ignore all the comments about the educational system. It's obvious that it's the real cause of every problem in the world.

 

[LordLucan74]

Re: Re: Re: I need suggestions........A serious thread.

The boy is smart. He is just a product of a poor un enthused educational system and very lazy indeed. He has 20/20 eyesight but lacks the vision necessary to see the error of his ways.

Just wait till you have kids sport.

I have a "kid" and HE is not a bloody idiot. So, crawl back under your rock...

 

[Problem Child]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I need suggestions........A serious thread.

I have a "kid" and HE is not a bloody idiot. So, crawl back under your rock...

Poor kid. Must be hell having an idiot for a father.

 

[KillerMuffin]

If he's 17 and in the tenth grade, then he's been held back at least one year already.

There might be more at stake than just laziness or unwillingness to do the work. He might think that he has no future, why bother. You can do a few free things in regards to counselors to see if he's depressed or something.

There's also the possibility of mild ADD that would be difficult to pick up in a smart child but frustrating enough to make writing anything but fun.

He could also have a stigmatism or other vision problems that makes reading a little painful.

He could be someone who just doesn't like the written word.

Does he have TV? Video games? Non-educational access to the computer? Take them away from him and put books where he can get to them. The one thing we always tell writers is that in order to learn to write, you must read, read, read. It gives you a feel for the language.

He'll probably never learn to spell beyond barely adequate until he decides to sit down and figure it out himself. Grammar can be absorbed.

One of the first things that I'd do is remove the computer. Make him write out the first draft long-hand, until he gets a clean copy. That forces him to read his own writing enough to type it into the computer. You tend to take care with your writing when you have to rely on it.

Basically, though, you're not going to do anything until your wife grows a backbone.

 

[LordLucan74]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I need suggestions........A serious thread.

Poor kid. Must be hell having an idiot for a father.

Curious how quick we are to judge others...with no emperical evidence, eh?

 

[Problem Child]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I need suggestions........A serious thread.

Curious how quick we are to judge others...with no emperical evidence, eh?

My empirical evidence is your collective body of work on this bulletin board.

 

[Cheyenne]

As for grammar... well, do you remember those Saturday morning commercials? Can't think what they were called, but I know my sister found them on tape for her daughter. One was called "Conjunction Junction" and they had very catchy tunes and graphics. Talked about grammar, and they were easy to understand.

All of them add up to 4 or 5 hours of School House Rock. You can get the complete collection on DVD for about $20. I gave that DVD as a Christmas present to my nieces.

 

[glamorilla]

I think preventing inbreeding at the source needs to be addressed. it will help future generations and bring about a society of amazons when men are bred off the earth alltogether.

 

[Killswitch]

Lemee straighten something out....he is 16 in March, not seventeen as someone described earlier....I should have corrected that.

He has not been held back, but should have been several times.

Great suggestion about removing access to the computer and video games KM but .....and I would, but where these children are concerned I have less than equal say....its very frustrating being an interested step parent.

One other issue here is according to his mother is that.....well, we have a graduating senior, who is very good at doing his schoolwork....Just recieved our first acceptance letter today for Western Michigan University...yay!, but its no surprise.
His mother would like to believe that there are jealousies(sp) there between Brandon (16) and Steven. I told her fine, but that doesnt make it any less Brandons fault that he wont pay attention and do the work. And if I have to be a dick to point it out at the risk of allienating him then fine, because sooner or later someone with even less tact than me is going to shove his spelling and writing skills down his throat when they toss a job application back in his hands and say ...What? Or when he tries writting a love letter to a girl and she laughs in his face.

I dont care if he hates me...I just dont want others to hate "him", or think of him as an illiterate fool.

We are going to work with him, and use some suggestions we have gotten here, but....same old same....we cant force him to learn.