i need some advice

xXx_EJS212

Virgin
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Posts
1
So im in a really long relationship and we are engaged but im a tad worried. Our sex life is a little dull and ive always dreamed of being a sub. his sub. and im scared to talk to him about it. he has this complex of oh i dont want to hurt you but i know he likes to sometimes. he likes to spank me and pull my hair and he likes to hold me down but thats as far as it ever goes. How do i possibly bring this up to him with out him feeling like hes not satisfying me. Because ive tried to bring things up that ive wanted to try and he says he feels that its not what you do while having sex its who your with. Could it be our age difference. Im 18 and hes 22 about to be 23. Please help. I want this so badly.
 
Well the only way you are going to get what you want is to tell him what you want.
I wouldn't start the conversation with, "I want you to beat me until I beg you to stop." but, if you used to play a little rough with hair pulling and such, why don't you ask him why he stopped?
Things can become mundane after a while in a relationship sex can become routine. It happened in my marriage when we were first together he would tie me up, blindfold, wax play etc. and then things just became blah for nearly 5 years. I finally brought it back to his attention and I am now his submissive and we are so much happier in the bedroom and in the rest of our life too.
So unless he is a psychic mind reader you need to talk to him.
 
xXx_EJS212 said:
... How do i possibly bring this up to him with out him feeling like hes not satisfying me. Because ive tried to bring things up that ive wanted to try and he says he feels that its not what you do while having sex its who your with. Could it be our age difference. Im 18 and hes 22 about to be 23...

It's not about age, it's about maturity. It's not about his feelings, it's about the ability of both of you to be honest, and open, and to be free with one another to truly communicate on an intimate level.

If you can't talk to him about this now, you two have problems at an absolutely fundamental level that can wreck your relationship. If you're too embarassed to open up, he probably is too. If you can't be honest with him because you are afraid of hurting his feelings, what does that say about how you really feel about him as person? It tells me you don't think he's mature enough to handle that kind of honesty... That's not a secure trusting relationship, it's a frightened one.

If he's been programmed all of his life (like most of us have been) that sex is taboo and kinky sex is REALLY nasty, evil, perverted, sick, etc, he's not going to be ready to open up to his OWN needs and desires, let alone yours. The only way to get over the awkwardness, the uncomfortableness, the fear, is to sit down and be honest with one another. Share your fantasies freely. Be bold, be nasty, be graphic. Ask him to share his. Don't be afraid to get excited by his fantasies, encourage him, lick your lips, touch yourself, touch him. Show your acceptance of this part of him. The more you assure him that this is what YOU want and desire, the more willing he may become to open up and experiment.

Dealing with sexual repression is not easy. It requires time and patience and acceptance and above all else, it requires trust. Because our sexual issues go to the very core of our being, they are among the most intimate, and frightening, issues to deal with.

Best of luck.
 
CutieMouse said:
Confront this and sort it out BEFORE you get married.
ABSOLUTELY.
Don't take the chance of thinking 'this can work itself out in time' if it's important to you.
Especially, do not hope for the best or settle ..expecting him to change his tune on the subject if it matters at all to you.
Better communicate with him and resolve it ALL prior to the exchange of 'I do'.
Sex ain't everything ... until you commit to a lifetime with someone who just really sucks at sex... and then it becomes everything that you WISH you could have.. and don't or can't.


What CutieMouse said.
I would give the same advice
and..
I couldn't have said it any better.
 
Whether you like it or not, a good sex life is an important part of a marriage. Period.

Beyond that, this:

How do i possibly bring this up to him with out him feeling like hes not satisfying me. Because ive tried to bring things up that ive wanted to try and he says he feels that its not what you do while having sex its who your with. Could it be our age difference. Im 18 and hes 22 about to be 23

screams 'selfish lover' to me. That's an excuse he's making so he doesn't have to make any effort to please you, which just seriously would piss me off. I mean, it's one thing to be learning and quite another to be totally unwilling to learn.
 
talk to him. sit down one night tell him you had something on your min youd like to speak to him about. it might help if you dont have to look at him, if you are lying in bed spooning, or if you are both sitting with his arms around you and your back to his stomach. ask him if its all right for you to speak without interuptions. then just talk. say whats on your mind. get it out there. see where the conversation goes.
 
xXx_EJS212 said:
How do i possibly bring this up to him with out him feeling like hes not satisfying me.
It sounds to me, though, like he's not satisfying you. Am I wrong? :confused:
 
Back
Top