I need some advice on Dom/Sub roles.

[extm_pleasure]

my partner and i have been discussing the dom/sub roles and how we could apply them to the bed room. He has stated that he wants to be the sub because he likes being told what to do and forced into things.
I'm a kinda meek, quite person who can't even tell my dogs what to do, let alone my own partner.
I do not want inflict any pain what so ever and I don't want to receive any pain.
So my questions I guess would be:

1: How do I get myself in a dom mood?
2: Can I switch between Dom and Sub?
3: What kinda of ideas does anyone have for
this type of play?

 

[sexycaz22]

1: How do I get myself in a dom mood?

I can't really answer this one, but I am sure someone else will answer this well. A hard question for me to answer at the moment!

2: Can I switch between Dom and Sub?

Yep! You can! I am a switch, for example on Sunday with another switch, first I was domming him for a good 2 hours then we switched and I was bottoming to him for the next 2 hours! A great day!

3: What kinda of ideas does anyone have for
this type of play?

Light bondage, cock teasing with a feather, and things like that...I am hopeless with suggesting ideas, but I am sure someone will come along with some suggestions, and I am fairly sure that the Library on here will have some threads on that. Just have a look through the Library!

 

[CheekyBoots]

I think your best bet would be to just thoroughly peruse all the wonderful bdsm threads here on lit... Soooo much info! You'll discover there are some real pros that give wonderful, insightful advice. Just gotta seek it out! Good luck to you!

 

[Etoile]

Just a tip - changing the font of the text makes it really hard to read. Changing the color is okay, changing the size is okay if you go bigger, but I found your post hard to read.

 

[Adakgirl]

Taking some assertiveness training classes might help you with becoming more able to tell someone what to do. Being pissed off at him for something he did the day before or whatever might help get you in a Dom mood. Being pissed off and being angry are two different emotions, you should never dominate someone when you are angry at them but since you are not going to be inflicting pain, then it's safe to be a little angry at him to help you get into the right frame of mind. I have only on-line and no real life experience with such things, but I have gathered lots from talking with others who have years of r/l D/s play exp.
So here are a few suggestions. You might practice first, then say things to him like...
"You will obey me and do exactly what I tell you, understand?"
"If you disobey or fuck up I will punish you"
"I want you to get naked right this minute"
"On your knees you snivling bitchboy!"
"Eat my cunt and you better do it right or else!"
You get the idea.
You can try it out loud in front of a mirror or during the day. You may want to think through exactly what you are going to have him do. Make up a scenario in your mind, from start to finish, make it realistic. Like a short story line, make sure that what you plan to do will be feasible. You will want to practice some trial runs, using whatever bindings you decide to use. How to tie him to the bed comfortably where he can get out of the binds if need be.

This will feel weird and uncomfortable to you at first, some get used to it and are able to do it, some find they just can't. You can't be made to be something you are not not for very long anyway. If it does not turn you as well as he, then don't continue it just to please him, you will find yourself miserable and unhappy about your sex life. Because trust me, he will like it and expect you to keep doing it. So if you can't do it or you hate doing it, nip it in the bud early and try something else. Hope this helps.

 

[twysted73]

My suggestions:


1.) Schnell mein leibschen!! It's all about the creation of belief and atmosphere. If you command him forcefully, make him believe you are in control, then he will accept this as he seems very eager to. You aren't supposed to be nor be expected to be "Super Mistress" so dispell that pressure in your mind right off. One of the best models I've seen for this mindset (as I hate to admit any credit to the time period) but WWII German officers with their well oiled boots, sharp uniforms and smug, inidfferent and superior attitudes are great role models for this.

2.) To Be or Not to Be: Acting...it's what will get you through those spots of uncertainty. Own him as you own your car. When you approach your car, do you hessitate when you open it? Sit down in it? Start it up or put music on? Of course not. Because you own it. Objectify him. Treat him as if you own him like a hand bag. He's yours.
Have it in your mind that he is your responsability. That you are directly incharge of his behavior. That he reflects your training. Perhaps your own sense of pride in work/presentation might assist you.

3.) What a Pussy: Since he seems to wish to be Dominated in bed, this sounds very much like he would be inclined to take a little emotional/verbal abuse. Make him feel like the worthless, bootlicking piece of shit that he is and that he should feel greatful for even having the opportunity of looking at your nicely shaven pussy much less licking it.
Orgasm denial is a VERY effective tool with male submissives. You control his orgasms you control him. Look around at couples in the mall some time. The men holding the toy poodle under one arm and her purse under the other? Owned.

4.) It's not a job...it's an adventure: Don't worry about slips, mistakes or misplaced words. It's not the destination, it's the journey. So enjoy it!
Frown on the outside, delight and jump about like a kid at christmas on the inside.

And perhaps do a little research. Might I suggest a book called BDSM 101 by author Jay Weissman. It's a good starter.

Good luck.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm hopeless at domination but to quote somebody-or-other I've read along the way: -

"If you are the dominant, everything is on your terms. It is only possible to fail if you decide yourself that you have failed. Otherwise, it is always more effective to have the sub believe that s/he has failed."

Your game, your rules.

 

[extm_pleasure]

Well thank you everyone for all of your advice.
I actually think I can be aggressive.
I'll update on how it went.
And my partner is not a pussy, he
just is not dominate and neither am I.