I need help learning to dominate

[CutieMouse]

-Grins-

I hardly take a soft no for an answer.

Duncan

Except that Mistress_Sheli's response wasn't a "soft no". Phrasing something with civility does not negate the finality of the words used.

 

[Mistress_Sheli]

Except that Mistress_Sheli's response wasn't a "soft no".

very insightful...


Phrasing something with civility does not negate the finality of the words used.

very true...

 

[Mistress_Sheli]

Except that Mistress_Sheli's response wasn't a "soft no".

Very Insightful...

Very true....

Please excuse the double post. I posted this incorrectly the first time

 

[AgentTau]

So I took some of you guy's advice

Deleted post

 

[Stella_Omega]

"What we have here is a failure to communicate..."

I think you two need to sit down with one of those lists of things you will, won't and might do, and work out some things loud and clear and in the open.

There is NO law that says that only one of you must top forever and ever amen. You can be switches-- in your case you are going to have to be switches, if you ask me.

if you don't mind doing things for him, why do you assume he'd mind doing things for you?

 

[Adakgirl]

I had a thread in a similar vein a few weeks ago, OP, if you'd like to take a look at it here.

For everyone else, I think it's a little premature to decide that she's a sub being forced into doing something by the big, bad, topping from the bottom dominant. She might try topping him and *gasp* LIKE IT. I think until that happens, we need to withhold judgment.

Ummmm she already has tried topping him and tried it more than just once. She told us exactly how that made her feel in her OP.

I did not use the word "force" I said "manipulate", big difference there.
I will stand by my judgment that she is submitting to his wishes in order to please him. If that works for both of them then, fine, no problem. However I suggest she recognizes it for what it is, submitting to his wants and needs. If she does not, IMO it will eventually cause them mutual resentment and more confusion.

If they both are able to switch, so their scenes are more satisfying to both of them...then all the more power to them! I'm sure they will have lots of fun!

 

[singlasses]

same topic, different take.. perhaps

I've played both dominant and sub roles at various times and in different relationships. Note I said "played". I can operate stretcher bars and a riding crop with the best of 'em, and I look wicked in black leather. BUT... when I'm "playing" at being a dom, that's all it is, a theatre production.

And somehow that comes through. There is a certain sharp joy that can be achieved only by a person who loves what they're doing. I know that I can certainly tell the difference.

For me, it means that when I'm "playing dom" the other person has to "play sub" because I don't really get a kick out of dominating them. Unfortunately, this mostly leaves everyone a little on the unsatisfied side although it can be a fun game.

My husband is the world's greatest guy, but we're too much alike. This works out just great in the real world because we have common goals and desires. (no arguing over which house to buy, how to raise kids, etc.)

But Goddess does it suck in the bedroom! Both of us lying there waiting for the other one to do something interesting is the most frustrating thing in the world

I've expressed my desire for him to be a little rougher, etc. but...

I think doms certainly have the harder job.

 

[roscho]

I think doms certainly have the harder job.

I wouldn't think it harder for a person who is naturally Dom/me....

I would think of it more like training a puppy... The puppy is working very hard to try and grasp what his/her trainer is trying to communicate. The trainer is using time tested techniques for getting the lesson learned.

As the puppy learns basics, the challenges only increase.