I need help... I most assuredly do...

[Guest]

I'm working on my latest Chyoo project (something not ENTIRELY mind control, who knew?) and something about it just isn't grabbing me. The potential's there but something doesn't seem to be clicking.

So what I'm asking for are fellow author/ess who'd be willing to give it a read and give me some helpful feedback.

So? Any takers?

 

[niceguy2002tim]

sure.

Cutie,
post your introduction, or what you have of one here and let everybody read it and post their replies. I'll do my best to help and I know everybody else will.

My only question is... Another new story? already? I feel your other stories haven't fully developed yet. I just hate to see people who have too many stories, and half of them are half-baked and become forgotten.

Just my thoughts... I am one of the people who have been here for over a year now, and I only have 3 stories. The total threads for the 3 is around 250... or more. It's hard to tell with the new chyoo. They took away the feature that said how many threads a story has.

-Tim (niceguy2002tim)

 

[bungakawa2000]

Bah, quite frankly, it's not too bad (nor too uncommon) when new authors create lots of new stories. I know I did, because I wanted to experiment.

Now, I have one new story pending approval and it's my first one in many months. I have experimented, I can tell apart what will keep my attention for a long time and what is nothing more than a passing fantasy. There are stories I am happy to keep going and others I wish I had never written.

Of course, if after a year, you find yourself doing nothing more than always starting new stories, there is probably something wrong in your writing process...

I think the key is to relax. Do not post anything you have written in a rush. If you can write something, let it sit idle for a day and still be very interested in posting it, then it's probably good. If you suddenly feel it's way too dull/unimaginative/badly written/etc., work some more on it and let it mature some more again. It's usually very easy to tell weither the author re-read himself with a cool head or if he just typed everything in a whim and posted it still panting from the rushed composition...

Bunga

 

[jakelyon]

My Opinion

Speaking as a person who has a lot of stories in circulation I want to make a case for getting your idea out there so other people have an opportunity to read and contribute to it.

I have several stories out there that I have not had time to develop, and as Bunga commented, some of them suck, but I will get back to them some day and improve them. In the mean time by having them stated someone else may come along to add some good stuff to them. If I don't have them available they can't go anywhere. I don't believe in waiting for the perfect story, or in writing the perfect thread. I just go for it and try to sharpen it as the story develops.

I have written fairly extensively for all of my stories, but my threads are in the minority on most of them. To me that is the fun of Chyoo, seeing what other people make of your introductions.

So I encourage you and everyone to put all of their ideas out there so everyone has a chance to see and develop them. Some of the best developed story lines out there have weak starts.

 

[cutieangel]

You know something....

You guys may be right.

Yes I know this is a lot of new stories, but this third will probably be my last for a while. I have a couple other ideas, but only one of them is vaguely developed enough to turn into anything beyond a mindless sexfest, and that's just barely. So instead I will turn my guiding hand to my other "children" Goldeneye and MCU... and this little rapidly evolving thought bubble.

Pleas forgive the coding, BTW. Tis meant to be interactive.
==============

From the private journals of {FIRST_NAME}{LAST_NAME}:

Journal Entry: 07/05/03
The others are finally asleep and I have managed to pull myself away from their seductively soft skin and tempting curves.

Listen to me, I sound like a bad romance novelist. I suppose then, that I should introduce the cast.

Miss {FIRST_NAME}{LAST_NAME}, at your service. I'm the brains of our little operation, and usually end up having to think all of us out of a jam. Most people don't take me seriously, with me being 4' 11", blond hair, blue eyes, 36CC breasts, and a perky disposition, so most people think I'm a bimbo. However I'm a fair marksman and smarter than most expect.

Tori Adams is the self admitted brawn of the group. Standing at almost 7' tall with 38DD breasts, the slender African American is well trained in a variety of hand to hand and close quarter combat skills. Whatever problems her combat skills can't solve, the .357 Magnum she keeps at her side does.

Mischief is one of our two unknowns. No one but the gangly 19 year old computer hacker knows her true name, not that it would matter much. No one knows the exact circumstances but she erased all data of herself in an attempt to avoid jailtime. It worked, obviously, and now the teenaged prodigy works for me, changing identies at the drop of a hat.

Our last unknown is a deadly Asian amnesiac, who we call Yuki, Japanese for Frost. Her demeanor certainly earned the title. At 5' 2" she's tall enough that I have to crane my neck slightly to look her in the eye, but her 32B breasts aren't hard on the eyes either. However beneath her traditional asian features, was a soul of ice. No one's ever seen a hint of emotion from her, but her lethal skill is undeniable. She's a crack marksman with a number of varied firearms as well as a master of hand to hand combat.

Together we run a little organization called Recovery Unlimited. Officially for the tax books, we're a salvage organization, but when the salvage can be anything from stolen goods to your runaway daughter... we're a little more flexible in the definititon of 'salvagable goods'. Which leads us to our current situation.

Now contrary to what many think, our relationship was professional. Sure we were friends, but we were never attracted to women... until we took this latest job.

=========

Tony Maxcell is the biggest mobster in Dableck City, but his dollar is as green as anyone elses so when he contacted us about a job, it seemed simple enough. I arranged to meet his contact man at our usual place and 20 minutes later I was shaking hands with Carlos "Vinny" Vincenzio.

"How ya been Vinny? How's your family?"

"Just fine, Miss {LAST_NAME}. My wife just got over that flu bug that's been going around."

"Vinny, I told you, call me {FIRST_NAME}. So what's your boss want us to get this time?"

"Actually, {FIRST_NAME}, this one isn't for the boss."

I arched my eyebrow in curiosity. "That's new."

"It's for his wife. She wants you to recover this." Vinny slid a manilla envelope across the table.

I reached in and drew out an 8 x 10 glossy of a saphire cat statue with ruby eyes. "Looks easy enough. Where is it?"

Vinny sighed. "That's where it gets complicated, {FIRST_NAME}. It's in a small Central American country of El Zanzibar."

I purse my lips sourly. "The same El Zanzibar that is currently going through a coup and civil war... I know I'm not gonna like the answer but... where is it?"

"In the old dictators palace."

"Get in before the rebels raze the place, grab the kitty, and slip
back out of the country. It's insane."

"The lady of the house is well prepared to compensate you." Vinny said producing a thick envelope from his jacket and sliding it across the table. I opened and found it stuffed full of pressed hundred dolar bills. "Half a million dolars, {FIRST_NAME}. This is simply hazard pay." A second envelope landed next to the first on the table. "That's half your fee."

"Vinny, there's $5,000 dollars here. That's payment for a single job."

"I dunno why she's willing to shell out so much, but like I said, this is half. There's another five grand upon delivery."

The alarm bells were screaming in my head, but I pocketed both envelopes and stood. "Tell the lady of the house she's got a deal."

As I turned to leave, Vinny grabbed my arm. "Be careful, {FIRST_NAME}. You and I both know nobody shells out this kinda cash for a simple nicknack."

"I know Vinny." I said heading for the door.
==========

This is of course still a work in prgress, but any feedback on this would be welcome.

 

[deathofcards]

I've only got two stories, even though I tend to write a lot my own literary creations have been left behind a little. I'm not too much of a fan of stories where the author has just posted them and then left them. I have got a couple of other ideas... but I'm going to take some time to write them up before posting them.

At some point I would like to write something more story based rather than just a sex romp.