I need blow-your-mind help

[CuteJenn]

My boyfriend said I was bad in bed, which I know I am because I'm very new to the whole sex thing. Still, it stung. Does anyone have any suggestion for what I can do that will make him take it back?

 

[peachykeen]

Dump his ungrateful ass. Why should you be making any effort to appease someone who doesn't care about your feelings? If he was a real man (not a selfish boy), he would be communicating to you what he likes, what feels good to him, and helping you discover what you like and what feels good to you. Not telling you you're 'bad' at sex. What makes him think he's such a friggin' prize, anyway?

 

[skol12]

Your b/f is very insensitive and you should kick his ass out of bed. Sex is a learning experience. You should tell him what you want and he should tell you what he wants. Nobody is born a great lover.

 

[melligrl]

My boyfriend said I was bad in bed, which I know I am because I'm very new to the whole sex thing. Still, it stung. Does anyone have any suggestion for what I can do that will make him take it back?

I think the most important thing is to relax and not worry about how good you are. If that's not possible just learn as much as you can about it. I suggest reading some of the stories on the site. . . they will both give you ideas and help point out what you find arousing.

Know what you want

Pay attention to his body language and other forms of nonverbal communication to help you know what he wants.

Ask him to show you what he wants, communication is essential to any relationship especially a sexual one. If you can't talk about sex with someone, it's a good bet you shouldn't be having it with him.

Be open to new experiences . . sometimes the willingness to learn can take you a lot further then experience.

Last I'll say I think it was just mean of him to say that to you. He should be excited that you sared yourself with him and degrade your performance. He should be happy about the chance to instruct you in the art of sex.

 

[Jaded1]

My boyfriend said I was bad in bed, which I know I am because I'm very new to the whole sex thing. Still, it stung. Does anyone have any suggestion for what I can do that will make him take it back?

Hi, CuteJenn...

I'm going to agree with the rest of the Lit members so far. Becoming a good or great lover takes time and you should never stop learning. Don't be affraid to explore your sexuality. It is not a race so take it slow and enjoy the pleasure from each experience. With each partner your meet hopefully you'll take away some great memories. You should always listen to what your partner is asking for. This could be a fantasy your lover wishes to live out. Don't be affraid or embassed to express your own needs and fantasies. Make the time to explore your partners body. Do this in a slow teasing manner. Your looking to build that fire, that passion, that desire. CuteJenn, you're not a bad lover! Your encounter was with a un experienced teacher. In reality he failed you. Every one of us has had a person(s) that has taken the time to help us learn. For me it was a gal named Joan. She took me under her wing and taught me. The gift of knowledge of what a woman wants both mentally and physical. Hence we have gone are seperate way. But, I will never forget her!

Just a reccomendation. Perhaps a bit ole' school buts find a copy of the Kama Sutra. It will help you to develope the correct mind set.

That book was a gift given to me by Joan.

CuteJenn, enjoy lifes experiences......

Jaded1, CT

 

[CuteJenn]

you are all really really kind, and I want you to know that I appriciate it. and I will pick up a kama sutra, thanks.

 

[Lust Engine]

I'd have to agree with the wisdom of the people posting above.

I guess the most important thing for you now is to let your boyfriend know that he hurt you with what he said. It's an educational process for the BOTH of you. Was he that great?? I doubt if he would've wanted his feelings hurt like that. Please stand up for yourself whne you are hurt. You can openly & honestly say your feeling shave been hurt without being angry & hopefully he'll realize the errors of his ways.

It goes back to HOW he express his likes & dislikes and not about how lousy you were. Placing blame on a partner in this, one of the most sensual & exquisite moments of being alive, is cold callous & totally uncalled for. I think he needs some sensitivity & you're more than welcomed to dole it out to him.

But please enjoy "the journey". It's not a race.

 

[Hello_Kitten]

My first boyfriend told me I was crap at giving a blow job. He knew he was the first guy I had given one to [willing, my very first blow job experience was forced, very unpleasant, I wasn't too keen on them at all - he knew all this.] Didn't tell me exactly what was wrong, how I could improve, just said it sucked [no pun intended.] It hurt, a lot. All it got him was my refusal to even try again. Not sure why I didn't lose him right then. Eh, I was young.

I didn't really want to even try it again with my next boyfriend. Eventually I told him the reasons why. He was very understanding, patient, and slowly taught me things I could be doing to make it more enjoyable for both of us. Now I love oral sex and have been told I'm quite good at it. It takes time to get 'good' at these things. Like other members said, there are always new things to be learned, journey indeed. Relaxation and being comfortable with your partner is key. I certaintly couldn't relax or feel very comfortable with a guy who told me I was bad [that was just plain rude and insensitive of him], my mind would be too preoccupied with that.

 

[sheath]

Re: Re: I need blow-your-mind help

CuteJenn, you're not a bad lover! Your encounter was with a un experienced teacher. In reality he failed you.

Jaded1, CT

This says it ALL. The thrill of sex is in TWO people, not just in one person pleasing another. A good lover is also a good teacher. His comments to you simply prove HE is not a good lover.

Find someone who appreciates you. Then when the day comes, look him in the eye and say, "Teach me?"

A real man will JUMP at that chance.

S.

 

[cumman]

Hi Jenn,
I can't believe anyone could just say you are bad in bed. That is awful. Anyway, sometimes it is how you go about the whole thing. My ex-girlfriend had it down. To blow his mind follow these steps. First have some sexy underwear or something on under your clothes when you are planning on having sex. Start by taking of your shirt to get him interested. Pull his shirt of and start kissing him passionately. Take you pants of and follow by doing the same with his. Start kissing him again. Kiss down his chest and stomach and pull his underwear off and get down to his dick. Lick his shaft to tease him some. Then start to suck him. Do this for a little while until you think it is starting to feel really good. Then get up and get out of your underwear. Get on top of him and sit your pussy down on his mouth and tell him he needs to get you wet. Then slide down and put his dick in your pussy. If you need to put a condom on him, use your mouth to do it when you are done sucking him. Move up and down on his dick slowly at first then start to speed up. Then after a while tell him you want him to fuck you from behind. Guys love to fuck doggy style. After that lie down on the bed and open your to invite him in. Make sure your legs are high in the air and wide open. That should get him to think you are better. If you want to do something else to excite him, try to do something you might not normally do. Tell him you want him to fuck you in the ass if you haven't done that before or tell him to let you know when he is going to cum because you want to suck it out of him. Guys love it when a girl wants to suck up his cum. Lots of girls say that the feeling of a guy exploding in their mouth is a great turn on. Just try to give a little so that he sees the things you are willing to do to please him.

 

[cumman]

If he doesn't start to enjoy you during sex I will volunteer to teach you evrything you need to know.

 

[peachykeen]

...Just try to give a little so that he sees the things you are willing to do to please him.

Why should she bother, until he is on his knees on the ground groveling and begging for her forgiveness for being such a fucking jerk in the first place?

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Why should she bother, until he is on his knees on the ground groveling and begging for her forgiveness for being such a fucking jerk in the first place?

>>>BIG round of applause to Peachy Keen!!<<<
Kudos to you for saying it like it is! This guy IS a fucking jerk and doesn't deserve another chance!
Sheesh! The nerve of some people!

-kym- High five to Peachy Keen for her good advice

 

[alvin462]

I am an old guy and am still learning. Nobody told me in the begining ,years ago, but I know now I was too quick and not real good. The women just stuck with me and told me where to touch or not. We learned together. I now know how to talk a woman through what I like and ask what she likes . practice

 

[zevwolf]

What you need is a teacher, an older man who has lots of experience to show you what to do in a very relaxed way slowly and lovingly. Sex as with lots of other things is a study and one needs teachers.
You need to find out what turns you on to be a good lover.
Different strokes for different folks.
I have helped a number of in my life. Lets start with a romantic dinner
Should you ever come down to South Florida mail me.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Hey!! I'm in S. Fla.!!!

What you need is a teacher, an older man who has lots of experience to show you what to do in a very relaxed way slowly and lovingly. Sex as with lots of other things is a study and one needs teachers.
You need to find out what turns you on to be a good lover.
Different strokes for different folks.
I have helped a number of in my life. Lets start with a romantic dinner
Should you ever come down to South Florida mail me.

~~~kym waving her hand wildly~~~~~ Over here, Yooohoo Zevwolf!!

-kym- Loves men with experience!

 

[Blindinthedark]

Yep dump him.

And tell him he's got a small dick.

 

[bikenjeep]

Don't ever let any selfish a-hole get you down for stupid comments... Besides... practice is half the fun, right?

 

[Noor]

My boyfriend said I was bad in bed, which I know I am because I'm very new to the whole sex thing. Still, it stung. Does anyone have any suggestion for what I can do that will make him take it back?

Time to start auditioning replacements!!!!!!!! Personally, I think a man like that should be strung up by his balls.

It takes two, and even if you were really bad in bed, which I highly doubt, he should have better manners than to EVER say that to you. Usually men who say such things are covering up their own inexperience or inability to communicate. If he wants you to do something different he should tell you, "bad in bed" is hardly something specific that you can work on. What about his role in this? What is he doing to get you more interested in sex, more willing to experiment, more comfortable to figure out what you like ?

There are books that might help you feel more comfortable after this bad experience, The art of sexual ecstasy, is one that comes to mind.

 

[CuteJenn]

I've been searching the how to's on literotica. I think the oral sex ones are especially helpful. I don't know. We had sex tonight and it seemed better. If I didn't have so much other reading to do right now, I would definately go and by a book. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[ApplesMcgee]

keep trying.

.....

 

[melligrl]

Re: keep trying.

I don't think the boyfriend is completely ungrateful. He is just being honest.

I know that when I try something new with my woman, I always ask her honest opinion of if it was good or if I did it up to her standards. If she says so, then so be it.

You can't get better if they are going to make you believe you are already doing your job well.

I think to be fair though, give him honesty right back. If both of you are trying and willing to work at it, i'm pretty sure the two of you will be having great sex in no time.



PowrDragn

I think there is a difference between being rude and being honest. To say, "I would have enjoyed this more, if it was done this way . . " is honest. To just tell someone they are bad, is rude.

COmmunication and and working together is the key. I think we're all just saying that he doesn't seem up for much communication.

 

[Noor]

Re: keep trying.

I don't think the boyfriend is completely ungrateful. He is just being honest.

I know that when I try something new with my woman, I always ask her honest opinion of if it was good or if I did it up to her standards. If she says so, then so be it.

You can't get better if they are going to make you believe you are already doing your job well.

I think to be fair though, give him honesty right back. If both of you are trying and willing to work at it, i'm pretty sure the two of you will be having great sex in no time.



PowrDragn

Honesty is not name calling, or being cruel. Saying that something specifically isn't working is much different from telling someone, esp. one who is new to sex, that they are "bad in bed." Only a completely mean insensitive person would do that. Is she is supposed to guess what he wants besides her to be "better" ?
Sex isn't a job unless you are a pro, it is supposed to be an enjoyable mutual experience.

 

[Guest]

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

What She Said...

Dump his ungrateful ass. Why should you be making any effort to appease someone who doesn't care about your feelings? If he was a real man (not a selfish boy), he would be communicating to you what he likes, what feels good to him, and helping you discover what you like and what feels good to you. Not telling you you're 'bad' at sex. What makes him think he's such a friggin' prize, anyway?

He's a jerk....dump him.....but I salute your wanting to improve (though I suspect you are as good as anyone else is).....my suggestion for improving? Find a man that wants to please you and practice with him....