I need advice please:)
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Râleclins
Really Experienced
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- Apr 29, 2005
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The first piece of advice is this : use the Return or Enter keys more often. It would make it easier to read you. 
More seriously, I think you have chances to get her. But it all depends on her. Could you speak with her about your friendship, and try to probe her to learn how she sees you and your friendship ? What is the affection you talk about ? Does she hug you ? Do you hug her back ? When you sleep together, do you sleep in each other's arms ? That's not the kind of thing most people would do with any friend.
It looks like you've been getting closer and closer ever since you met her. So maybe it's a slow evolution which will end with the both of you kissing.
What made her break up with her boyfriend ? If you were spending more time with her than her boyfriend, then it may have been a factor in their breakup. (Though it doesn't have to be the main cause)
And some last advice :
Don't worry about your inexperience. She knows you and she already knows about it, doesn't she ? So she looks like she'd be a nice teacher.
Don't worry about your shyness. The good thing is that you already know her, so it must have rubbed off most of your shyness !
More seriously, I think you have chances to get her. But it all depends on her. Could you speak with her about your friendship, and try to probe her to learn how she sees you and your friendship ? What is the affection you talk about ? Does she hug you ? Do you hug her back ? When you sleep together, do you sleep in each other's arms ? That's not the kind of thing most people would do with any friend.
It looks like you've been getting closer and closer ever since you met her. So maybe it's a slow evolution which will end with the both of you kissing.
What made her break up with her boyfriend ? If you were spending more time with her than her boyfriend, then it may have been a factor in their breakup. (Though it doesn't have to be the main cause)
And some last advice :
Don't worry about your inexperience. She knows you and she already knows about it, doesn't she ? So she looks like she'd be a nice teacher.
Don't worry about your shyness. The good thing is that you already know her, so it must have rubbed off most of your shyness !
geronimo_appleby
always on the move
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- Nov 25, 2004
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go for it. better to take a chance than to forever wonder...
Ezzy
Insignificantly Important
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Take your shyness by the scruff of the neck and throw it out the door.
Yea I know that is easy to say and hard to do, but until you make the attempt it will always stand in your way.
Tell her you would like to talk to her, and let her know you are sorry about misleading her about your experience, talk to her about how feel, and how much you care for her as a friend.
The only way through this is by opening true communication, between the two of you.
You can't build this on lies if you want it to be something meaningful, which is why I say clear the air before you start.
If you can't face her to tell her about it then send an email or a letter, but doing it face to face will give you a better idea of what her reaction is.
Yea I know that is easy to say and hard to do, but until you make the attempt it will always stand in your way.
Tell her you would like to talk to her, and let her know you are sorry about misleading her about your experience, talk to her about how feel, and how much you care for her as a friend.
The only way through this is by opening true communication, between the two of you.
You can't build this on lies if you want it to be something meaningful, which is why I say clear the air before you start.
If you can't face her to tell her about it then send an email or a letter, but doing it face to face will give you a better idea of what her reaction is.
Thanks guys!
Like I am not scared to talk about it I would now lol I am all good about that but just the fact that she broke up with him recently like 2-3weeks ago and I hope she will be still my friend even if she doesn’t feel the same way!
Edit: also I asked her the other weekend when we had a few drinks if she loves me she said as a friend...
Like I am not scared to talk about it I would now lol I am all good about that but just the fact that she broke up with him recently like 2-3weeks ago and I hope she will be still my friend even if she doesn’t feel the same way!
Edit: also I asked her the other weekend when we had a few drinks if she loves me she said as a friend...
chris9
enjoying life
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- Mar 14, 2005
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Well, if you ask her if she loves you, there is just no way she is going to say "Yes, marry me" or something, because she doesn't know you see more in her than a friend.
And yes, it is always a risk to try to go from friendship to lovers, because in the end you never know if the other person really feels the same. But seeing that she most recently ended a relationship I would advise you to some patience. Not like waiting forever, but maybe over the next month or so she might start to see that you are more to her than just a friend. This you probably will notice by more body contact, things she starts talking about...
I know it's hard to do coming from friendship, but if you say that you have to know a person well before wanting something more this will always be your problem.
And to give you some hope: It really does work rather well going from friends to lovers, I should know, 5 1/2 years ago I just kissed a good friend (ok, after some hints that he actually wouldn't mind ) and we just moved in together a couple of months ago, still in love...
Good luck to you!
And yes, it is always a risk to try to go from friendship to lovers, because in the end you never know if the other person really feels the same. But seeing that she most recently ended a relationship I would advise you to some patience. Not like waiting forever, but maybe over the next month or so she might start to see that you are more to her than just a friend. This you probably will notice by more body contact, things she starts talking about...
I know it's hard to do coming from friendship, but if you say that you have to know a person well before wanting something more this will always be your problem.
And to give you some hope: It really does work rather well going from friends to lovers, I should know, 5 1/2 years ago I just kissed a good friend (ok, after some hints that he actually wouldn't mind
) and we just moved in together a couple of months ago, still in love... Good luck to you!
geronimo_appleby
always on the move
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- Nov 25, 2004
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in my experience - that bit about 'loving you as a friend', is usually an indication of no interest in romance on the lady's part. of course, the recent timing of her break up will have a huge impact on her emotional standing at the moment. without knowing the characters of both of you, it's a dffcult call.Verb said:Thanks guys!
Like I am not scared to talk about it I would now lol I am all good about that but just the fact that she broke up with him recently like 2-3weeks ago and I hope she will be still my friend even if she doesn’t feel the same way!
Edit: also I asked her the other weekend when we had a few drinks if she loves me she said as a friend...
whatever happens, this revelation of yours will perhaps take her by surprise, so i'd go nice and gently. you've had time to analyse your feelings and rationalise it all in your head. good luck, and if she does just want to remain friends, that can often be more rewarding. i speak from experience!!
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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- Mar 30, 2005
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verb: that right there should be all the encouragement you should need.
ed
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Eilan
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Please don't take this as being judgmental, because it's not intended to be, but perhaps you two should try talking about relationship-building when you're NOT drinking. I noticed that you mentioned drinking or being drunk in at least two of your posts. It's never a good idea to make potentially life-changing decisions when one or the other of you is under the influence.
Hawkeye1956
Experienced
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- May 27, 2005
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- 48
How to get her or at least find out if she's interested.
Okay guy, I'm 48 years old and I don't care how you slice it, relationships and communications between men and women has not changed. One word and only one word is what you need to worry about.
HONESTY
No matter how you do this, you need to be able to say what's in your mind and you're heart. Two basic things are going to happen, she either wants to be involved with you or she does not.
If she wants you, you're work has only just begun. If she rejects you, oh, did I use the "R" word, than you know it's time to move on. You're 19 years old, best bet is in a couple years she will be a fond memory in your life and someone else will be involved in yours.
I'm 48 and I've been happily divorced for 13 years. The best sex and most fun relationships I've ever had have been in the last 10 years. But I've always been completely honest with all of these women and most of them today are still some of the best friends I've ever had.
Honesty and Respect go along way.
Shy is a good thing most women find it cute and adorable as long as you don't let it get in the way. And just because she thinks of you as a friend does not mean you have no chance, some women actually want their men to be their best friends too.
Good Luck
Okay guy, I'm 48 years old and I don't care how you slice it, relationships and communications between men and women has not changed. One word and only one word is what you need to worry about.
HONESTY
No matter how you do this, you need to be able to say what's in your mind and you're heart. Two basic things are going to happen, she either wants to be involved with you or she does not.
If she wants you, you're work has only just begun. If she rejects you, oh, did I use the "R" word, than you know it's time to move on. You're 19 years old, best bet is in a couple years she will be a fond memory in your life and someone else will be involved in yours.
I'm 48 and I've been happily divorced for 13 years. The best sex and most fun relationships I've ever had have been in the last 10 years. But I've always been completely honest with all of these women and most of them today are still some of the best friends I've ever had.
Honesty and Respect go along way.
Shy is a good thing most women find it cute and adorable as long as you don't let it get in the way. And just because she thinks of you as a friend does not mean you have no chance, some women actually want their men to be their best friends too.
Good Luck
