I need a sexy job

[NoJo]

Yesterday, chatting at a party I momentarily forgot all myslef and began to explain my rather technical job to someone. INSTANT eye-glaze, followed by a hasty retreat by my chattee.

I'm not above stretching the truth: What job should I tell people I do, that will rid me of the dreaded the eye-glaze?

 

[Guest]

Yesterday, chatting at a party I momentarily forgot all myslef and began to explain my rather technical job to someone. INSTANT eye-glaze, followed by a hasty retreat by my chattee.

I'm not above stretching the truth: What job should I tell people I do, that will rid me of the dreaded the eye-glaze?

You're a bikini waxer?

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Yesterday, chatting at a party I momentarily forgot all myslef and began to explain my rather technical job to someone. INSTANT eye-glaze, followed by a hasty retreat by my chattee.

I'm not above stretching the truth: What job should I tell people I do, that will rid me of the dreaded the eye-glaze?

What do you do now? Maybe you just need to retitle it?

 

[neonlyte]

Chorizo Maker.

One of the sexiest things I've seen is young women making chorizo (spicy Portuguese sausage). Unfortunately, Joe, you don't have the legs for it.

 

[NoJo]

You're a bikini waxer?

Go no, that's even more technical than what I do now. Besides, they may start asking me awkard questions and I'd blow my cover. I mean I don't even know what bikini I'm supposed to wear.

 

[NoJo]

What do you do now? Maybe you just need to retitle it?

I'd like to post it here, but you probably wouldn't manage to read the post to the end.

 

[damppanties]

Juggler.

And when they ask you to juggle something, give them the line about if you'd been a cardiologist, would they have asked you to open up their chests and peek, and then walk away in a huff.

 

[NoJo]

Chorizo Maker.

One of the sexiest things I've seen is young women making chorizo (spicy Portuguese sausage). Unfortunately, Joe, you don't have the legs for it.

I "make chorizo" every morning. At least that's what I call it.

 

[Boota]

crowd estimator.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Tell them you are a "Certified Comdom Tester", Joe. That should get a rise out of them

 

[jomar]

Web site designer

Import/Export

Film Critic

Clothes designer for the LPGA

Golf course designer

Astronaut

Argonaut

Imply you work for "the government"

Professional house sitter

Make documentary films


---

Don't worry, we'll think of something for you.

 

[NoJo]

Jomar, I'd think:


Web site designer -- unemployed with internet connection

Import/Export -- ebay addict

Film Critic -- unemplyed with tv

Clothes designer for the LPGA -- masturbates to Aneeka Sorenstam

Golf course designer -- vagrant

Astronaut -- acid head

Argonaut --beach bum

Imply you work for "the government" -- on benefit

Professional house sitter -- unemployed, partner works

Make documentary films -- has rooms full of tedious home movies


---

 

[BlackShanglan]

My current job title is "writer," but I tend to abbreviate it to "willfully unemployed."

Hmmm. Joe, perhaps you should try "gentleman of leisure" - or practice that wordless slight raise of the eyebrow that implies "What a vulgar question. You're in trade, aren't you?"

If you're feeling non-social but less anti-democratic, I recommend "tile salesman." I sat next to one at a wedding reception and listened to several people attempt to start a conversation with him, and no one seemed to have the slightest idea what to say to follow up that answer.

Or if you'd actually like to talk, try "pornographic humorist." It's perfectly true, and you know they won't be able to resist asking more.

Shanglan

 

[dr_mabeuse]

How about Book Indexer - one of those people who goes through a non-fiction book and decides what words go in the index in the back. I always thought that would be kind of cool.

 

[glynndah]

When asked, my husband always says he works for the state. He's an appellate defender, but I know they're thinking "that guy who turns the slow/stop sign for road contruction crews".

 

[jomar]

Try to see the glass as half full.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Jomar, I'd think:


Web site designer -- unemployed with internet connection

Import/Export -- ebay addict

Film Critic -- unemplyed with tv

Clothes designer for the LPGA -- masturbates to Aneeka Sorenstam

Golf course designer -- vagrant

Astronaut -- acid head

Argonaut --beach bum

Imply you work for "the government" -- on benefit

Professional house sitter -- unemployed, partner works

Make documentary films -- has rooms full of tedious home movies


---

Oh, you're just in a mood. Nothing's going to make you happy today.

 

[NoJo]

My current job title is "writer," but I tend to abbreviate it to "willfully unemployed."

Hmmm. Joe, perhaps you should try "gentleman of leisure" - or practice that wordless slight raise of the eyebrow that implies "What a vulgar question. You're in trade, aren't you?"

If you're feeling non-social but less anti-democratic, I recommend "tile salesman." I sat next to one at a wedding reception and listened to several people attempt to start a conversation with him, and no one seemed to have the slightest idea what to say to follow up that answer.

Or if you'd actually like to talk, try "pornographic humorist." It's perfectly true, and you know they won't be able to resist asking more.

Shanglan

I like the raised eyebrow suggestion. Do you think I should maybe allow a small bead of saliva to trickle from the corner of my mouth while I do it, or would that send out the wrong message?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Say you work for the Royal British Mint.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I like the raised eyebrow suggestion. Do you think I should maybe allow a small bead of saliva to trickle from the corner of my mouth while I do it, or would that send out the wrong message?

It might make you appear to be hungry, but then you'd really have a wonderful opening to say "vampire." Or "phlebotomist" if you're feeling vexacious.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I like the raised eyebrow suggestion. Do you think I should maybe allow a small bead of saliva to trickle from the corner of my mouth while I do it, or would that send out the wrong message?

How about asking your dentist for prosthetic fangs? Not the canines-- the eyeteeth, like Herzog's Nosferatu.

 

[NoJo]

How about Book Indexer - one of those people who goes through a non-fiction book and decides what words go in the index in the back. I always thought that would be kind of cool.

I think that would work. Of course I'd have to invest in a pair of pince-nez.

 

[BlackShanglan]

How about Book Indexer - one of those people who goes through a non-fiction book and decides what words go in the index in the back. I always thought that would be kind of cool.

You're a stronger horse than I am if you could resist adding a bizarre sub-speciality. In fact, I think I have a new job.

"I'm compiling a concordance to the works of Jeffrey Archer."

 

[The_Fool]

Proctologist?

 

[TxRad]

Proctologist?

Make sure and hold up just the middle finger.....