i need a little advice here

[Willing and Unsure]

say someone you know but dont like is insulting you and someone else. do you confront them about it to their face, even though they're not saying the things directly to you?

 

[cyndiesweet]

I'm confused. Are they insulting you, someone you know, or both of you? And why couldn't you say something no matter who it is?

 

[freakygirl]

say someone you know but dont like is insulting you and someone else. do you confront them about it to their face, even though they're not saying the things directly to you?

Nope, you kick their ass and leave them wondering what they did

 

[Chuckus]

Re: Re: i need a little advice here

Nope, you kick their ass and leave them wondering what they did

Back in my younger days, that would be my response.

What exactly are they saying?

 

[lilminx]

Hmmm.... If it's someone that you don't really associate with, then it might be better to just ignore them. Like some trolls arounds here, they might just be trying to get a rise out of you. On the other hand, if you run in the same cirlces and constantly find that you are around that person, it might be best to confront them about it to get the insults to stop...

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I'm confused. Are they insulting you, someone you know, or both of you? And why couldn't you say something no matter who it is?

they are insulting both of us.. just not directly at either of us (the guy puts up an away message calling him a loser and leaves random insults about me).. i dont talk to the guy, except when i'm around him (which isnt much).. and i sooo want to say something to him, but i dont know if i should or not


and i can say something anyway, but i dont want to start a war between him and my boyfriend (the other person.. they're roomies so you know)

 

[morninggirl5]

they're roomies......


Stay out of it. They have to live together for the rest of the year, they'll work it out. If you are "in the middle" it will only cause problems for you and your boyfriend.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Hmmm.... If it's someone that you don't really associate with, then it might be better to just ignore them. Like some trolls arounds here, they might just be trying to get a rise out of you. On the other hand, if you run in the same cirlces and constantly find that you are around that person, it might be best to confront them about it to get the insults to stop...

the only problem with letting it go, is the guy just keeps on doing other things to my boyfriend. i'm not even in the picture and have nothing to do with this. i just get insulted (which it doesnt bother me, but it bothers my man like you wouldnt believe). i want to say something to the guy, but i dont want to make things worse between them and i definitely dont want to get in the middle

 

[cyndiesweet]

Maybe he just has no social skills. Sadly some people just don't know what to say so they say stupid or mean things.

You are still within your rights to say something but what you say is up to you.

 

[Chuckus]

they are insulting both of us.. just not directly at either of us (the guy puts up an away message calling him a loser and leaves random insults about me).. i dont talk to the guy, except when i'm around him (which isnt much).. and i sooo want to say something to him, but i dont know if i should or not


and i can say something anyway, but i dont want to start a war between him and my boyfriend (the other person.. they're roomies so you know)

You know you catch more flys with honey...........so kill em with kindness. If that doesn't work, reach into his chest and rip his heart out.

I guess in all seriousness, I would try and be civil and ask why he/she was saying what they are saying...........then say something to the effect of "I am sorry you think so low of yourself that you insult others." Then just kill em with kindness. Don't go out of your way to be super nice, but at the same point pay him/her no validation by letting on that you are "hearing" what insults are being tossed. Eventually they will 1.)Stop because they realize it isn't bothering you or 2.)Stop and harass someone else!!!!

 

[lobito]

W & U,

I've got something similiar going on right now, concerning my wife and I, along with one of my Brothers. Similiar in that I don't know exactly what to do or say, if anything, becasue it's not being said to me directly. I got the info 3rd hand from my Mother, who I would hope wouldn't lie to me. I told my wife what my brother said, and her response to me was, "Why are you telling me this?". Not how can he say that about us, but why did you tell me.

Nothing is resolved, because the only one's I talked to about this, were my Mom and my Wife. How you go about taking care of this is a great question, when it's not said to YOU directly. If you figure something out, let me know, maybe it'll work for me too.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

see.. that's what makes this really complicated.. cuz the guy is sort of taking it to the rest of the world. he has his insults plastered on the internet in an away message so that anyone with his screenname can see it. so, in a sense it is being said to me. i just dont want to go making things worse between him and my boyfriend, just because they do have to live together.


and Chuckus, i do stay as sweet as can be without making it look like an act whenever i am around him. i just dont like the way it affects my boyfriend, and i want to do something about it.

 

[Chuckus]

see.. that's what makes this really complicated.. cuz the guy is sort of taking it to the rest of the world. he has his insults plastered on the internet in an away message so that anyone with his screenname can see it. so, in a sense it is being said to me. i just dont want to go making things worse between him and my boyfriend, just because they do have to live together.


and Chuckus, i do stay as sweet as can be without making it look like an act whenever i am around him. i just dont like the way it affects my boyfriend, and i want to do something about it.

W & U,

Unfortunately if you get in the middle and say something it will make things worse. Your man has to do it, say it and mean it. It can come from no one but him. He has to step up and do something. You said it is bothering him and he is mad. Well just make sure when he says something he remains calm, collected and cool. I think my previous post would have the same effect whether it came from you or him..........dunno. I just would confront them, but don't put him in a "defensive" mode rather ask Why it is he is saying whatever..........and why he feels the need to do it? Sure they have to live together, so it needs to be civil and amicable, but people can agree to disagree (or at least I can an still live with someone due to circumstances.........). There has to be some compromise on both sides.

I do not exactly know "what" to say other than what I did in my previous post. Be firm, be honest and be truthful. Don't raise your voice..........and for what it is worth, your boyfriend needs to do it mono e mone with his roomie. No one else. Just the two of them. Maybe someone else has a better idea, but by confronting this person firmly, fairly and honestly one on one might just do some good.

Hope I helped a bit. Been there, done that.......albeit a different situation but the same type scenario.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

thanks Chuckus.. you really help put things into perspective

*big hugs and kisses on the cheek*

 

[Chuckus]

thanks Chuckus.. you really help put things into perspective

*big hugs and kisses on the cheek*

Well if nothing else it is another point of view..........and your quite welcome dear. I do hope it helps in some way or another. Please at least let me know what happens and what takes place so I can store it in my "advice" database!!!

Hope it helps and it will work out one way or another, sometimes you just have to tip toe and then eat em and smile!!!!!

 

[cyndiesweet]

I just had a thought.(It's true really!)

Maybe this guy has the hots for you W & U and is totally pissed that you are with your bf instead. So he is hostile to both of you instead.

Just a thought you might want to consider.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I just had a thought.(It's true really!)

Maybe this guy has the hots for you W & U and is totally pissed that you are with your bf instead. So he is hostile to both of you instead.

Just a thought you might want to consider.

i only wish that were the case. the guy is a jerk. a real jerk. and i dont say that about many people. but this one definitely deserves it, just cuz of what an ass he is. he thinks he's better than everyone just because he thinks he looks good (which he doesnt) and is part of a fraternity. he is one of the people i want to tie to a pole and beat till he's purple with a balloon because of how shallow he is.