I need a beta reader to give me feedback,

[timmyid2]

I'm not getting many responses when I ask for an editor to help. The ones who have responded are too busy. Maybe a beta reader would be a better choice, since I need feedback about the feel and content of the story. Below are two paragraphs, excerpted from the start of the story I want help with. The total story so far is 5000 words and ready to submit. I may write several chapters later, but I just need to know if I'm missing anything major, or if I have anything in the story that spoils it.

If you are interested, let me know and I'll get a plain text copy to you.

The story is about some of my first experiences with kinky sex, and learning to accept being a cuckold.

This story requires a bit of background. When first I met my future wife, I was a bit old fashioned. I believed that you met someone, fell in love, maybe got married, broke up and then found a new love. Wendy delighted in being "different". We had only dated for a month when she jumped from step 2 directly to step 5 (find another lover) . I found out that she was seeing an old boyfriend when he called one day and I answered the phone. When I said that I was her boyfriend, he got pissed off. Can you imagine? HE was jealous of ME! When I confronted Wendy, she explained that it was all innocent because he had told her that he "needed her" and that they just sat and talked in his car while I was at work, and only made out and groped each other. Only?

To say I was mad is to understate things. I'd always thought that kissing was one of the most intimate acts between a man and his woman, and here she was kissing another guy like it was nothing. It was not something I would take sitting down. The next day I took an evening off work and followed her to their clandestine meeting place about a block from his mom's house. I parked in the dark a hundred feet or so from his car to catch them in the act. They were silhouetted by the street light as she slid into the seat beside him. They leaned into each other, and anyone could clearly see that bastard kissing her. A few minutes later I could see that she pulled her blouse over her head. She shook her hair so that it fell down her back again. I knew that if her blouse was off, then her bra would soon follow. Yep, there was that little shoulder wiggle she did to cause the bra straps to fall from her shoulders. His head disappeared. He was sucking her nipples! I could not believe that I was sitting there watching my girlfriend being groped and molested by this guy. You can imagine my shock when he sat up and HER head disappeared from view. There's only one thing that you do in that position, and that's sucking cock. She was sucking him with the lips I'd kissed just hours before!

Thanks

timmy

 

[timmyid2]

I have found one person to help. I'd like one more please, so that I can compare opinions.


Thanks

timmy

 

[sr71plt]

For the record, what you provided sounded fine to me, although I don't think "molested" was a good word for something she welcomed by pulling her blouse and bra off herself.

 

[hfernandez1983]

So far so good. I wouldnt mind being a beta reader and maybe helping with spelling and grammar. Maybe even some plot suggestions. So PM me and we can talk.
P.s. I agree with the molestation comment above. It isn't molestation if she's willingly going along with the whole act.

 

[timmyid2]

Thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated.

The term "molested" was meant to convey the disbelief that she would do such a thing without being seduced into it. At the time I was doing my best to blame everything on him; after all, she was the love of my life. The feeling as I sat there was that he was "doing things to her". Yeah, big time denial.

What would be a better way to express the young man's unwillingness to accept that his girlfriend enjoyed being a slut?

timmy

 

[sr71plt]

Thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated.

The term "molested" was meant to convey the disbelief that she would do such a thing without being seduced into it. At the time I was doing my best to blame everything on him; after all, she was the love of my life. The feeling as I sat there was that he was "doing things to her". Yeah, big time denial.

What would be a better way to express the young man's unwillingness to accept that his girlfriend enjoyed being a slut?

timmy

With that explanation, I guess the word works.

 

[timmyid2]

I will see if I can better express that within the story. Maybe some mention of "he must have seduced her" will work.



A PM is on the way to hfernandez1983.

Many thanks, guys.


timmy

 

[sr71plt]

I will see if I can better express that within the story. Maybe some mention of "he must have seduced her" will work.



A PM is on the way to hfernandez1983.

Many thanks, guys.


timmy

Maybe an added phrase or two to get more across to the reader that the narrator hasn't quite caught up to reality yet. There's some of that in there already after the word is used.

 

[timmyid2]

Thanks. I'll do that.

 

[timmyid2]

Thanks for the help folks, I think I have a workable story now, and will be posting it soon.


timmy