Could Use Some Feedback

[UnfetteredMale]

Hi there. I have 4 stories published, and currently working on an other one. This one is a little different for me - it's a F/F story (and the author, a 50's M). I can't quite explain it. I feel like it's there, but it's not there. Something just doesn't feel as strong to me, maybe I'm feeling like it's too "She does this to her" and stage direction than story. It's heavy on the preamble (a common thing I seem to do lol) and I'm just getting into the heat, but that's where I'm feeling the challenge. Anyone interested in giving me some good honest feedback on this work in progress? Thank you!