I Lost My Sweetheart to Polyamory

[JackLuis]

Real Life and fantasy, who makes the call?

Sophia wanted to experiment,

so I tried to be game. Then the dominoes started to fall.

 

[autoplot]

Picking up girls for threesomes and one-night flings is not the same thing as polyamory, really.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Are you posting plugs for your own stories here in the AH?

That's really tacky, man. There's a board for that.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There's no polyamory in that story. Just some random fucking around.

 

[lovecraft68]

Polyamory means three people who are in love with each other.

2 people who enjoy bringing in a third are simply doing it for the thrill of it, there is no emotional attachment just sex.

As for the title "I tried to be game" this is the problem with swinging in real life and outside of erotic fantasy.

The fantasy may be hot and you both may think you want it, but it is a dangerous game because there is no coming back from it and there are far more heartbroken couples out there than happy swingers.

I know a couple who tried and it ruined them.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Polyamory means three people who are in love with each other.

2 people who enjoy bringing in a third are simply doing it for the thrill of it, there is no emotional attachment just sex.

As for the title "I tried to be game" this is the problem with swinging in real life and outside of erotic fantasy.

The fantasy may be hot and you both may think you want it, but it is a dangerous game because there is no coming back from it and there are far more heartbroken couples out there than happy swingers.

I know a couple who tried and it ruined them.

Generally speaking, folks who swing split.

 

[3113]

I say this guys needs to stop dating bi-sexual women, but then he'd probably date a heterosexual woman who wanted an "open" relationship and find himself in the same situation (i.e. losing these women to someone else)--just not to someone he's slept with.

 

[autoplot]

I think that the breaking-up of an open relationship often makes it a lot easier for people to blame the "open" part than the "relationship" part.

I think poly requires a lot of caution, thoughtfulness, and communication, and frankly even monogamous couples are frequently shit at all of those.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I think that the breaking-up of an open relationship often makes it a lot easier for people to blame the "open" part than the "relationship" part.

I think poly requires a lot of caution, thoughtfulness, and communication, and frankly even monogamous couples are frequently shit at all of those.

This. I'm going to visit my girlfriend in a couple of months; if the plane crashes I fully expect somebody will blame polyamory.

From what the article says, his first relationship broke up because they weren't moving at the same speed. That's hardly unique to poly.

The second one broke up because his girlfriend put her own fun ahead of honesty to get partner. Poly can certainly bring out those failings earlier and harder, but IMHO that's a good thing. Plenty of couples don't find that stuff out until they've got a house and kids together.

( Apologies for extraneous spaces, phone browser is acting up.)

 

[Dyslexicea]

Are you posting plugs for your own stories here in the AH?

That's really tacky, man. There's a board for that.

I don't get this at all but if so wouldn't this be like "The pot calling the kettle black".

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I don't get this at all but if so wouldn't this be like "The pot calling the kettle black".

No, dear. We can promote our writings and books as flashily and obnoxiously as we want in our signatures, but starting a thread in the Author's Hangout just to promote your story is base, self-serving, and inconsiderate. If everyone started doing it, there'd be no more AH.

The New Stories Advertisement thread is there specifically for this kind of thing.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Polyamory means three people who are in love with each other.
...

Polyamory's not confined to a manage a trois. It's rather the belief and practice that one can be in love with &/or sexually intimate with more than one person at a given time. It differs from swinging in that swinging describes a sexual (external) behavior while polyamory describes an emotional and internal state. It's basically the rejection of the idea of natural monogamy.

The usual argument for poly is by analogy with having multiple kids. Parents are able to love all their children equally it says, so why should our feelings toward lovers be different?

Personally, I've never heard of a polyamorous relationship lasting more than maybe 2-3 years max. That jealousy gene is hard to squelch.

 

[Dyslexicea]

No, dear. We can promote our writings and books as flashily and obnoxiously as we want in our signatures, but starting a thread in the Author's Hangout just to promote your story is base, self-serving, and inconsiderate. If everyone started doing it, there'd be no more AH.

The New Stories Advertisement thread is there specifically for this kind of thing.

My dear boy I don't see how Jack was self promoting anything. I would like to know how you came to your conclusion.

Jack often post items which are of interest, sometimes about writing, other times just interesting articles. Maybe not all are specific to authors but being well informed, at least in my humble, maybe not so humble, opinion, is important to most authors.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

My dear boy I don't see how Jack was self promoting anything. I would like to know how you came to your conclusion.

Jack often post items which are of interest, sometimes about writing, other times just interesting articles. Maybe not all are specific to authors but being well informed, at least in my humble, maybe not so humble, opinion, is important to most authors.

Ah, you're right, and I offer my apologies. I assumed the link was to a story of his and it wasn't.

The error was entirely mine, and I apologize to both Jack and you.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Ah, you're right, and I offer my apologies. I assumed the link was to a story of his and it wasn't.

The error was entirely mine, and I apologize to both Jack and you.

Apology accepted. It's so nice to see a man who actually admits to his mistake.

 

[lovecraft68]

Polyamory's not confined to a manage a trois. It's rather the belief and practice that one can be in love with &/or sexually intimate with more than one person at a given time. It differs from swinging in that swinging describes a sexual (external) behavior while polyamory describes an emotional and internal state. It's basically the rejection of the idea of natural monogamy.

The usual argument for poly is by analogy with having multiple kids. Parents are able to love all their children equally it says, so why should our feelings toward lovers be different?

Personally, I've never heard of a polyamorous relationship lasting more than maybe 2-3 years max. That jealousy gene is hard to squelch.

That's what I said, but in much more simple terms. And three years is pretty long.

Jealousy is a base of human nature and it will rear its head sooner or later.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Personally, I've never heard of a polyamorous relationship lasting more than maybe 2-3 years max. That jealousy gene is hard to squelch.

I've been with my partner for 15 years now and my girlfriend for 11. (Depending on how you count - it's a LDR and there were a few years in the middle where distance and illness got in the way, so it drifted into more platonic territory for a couple of years before drifting back.) My partner and I were with our mutual ex for about five years before that ended.

Going back a few years: William Marston (creator of Wonder Woman and other things), Elizabeth Marston, and Olive Byrne lived together in a poly family from the late 1920s until William died in 1947, and then Elizabeth and Olive raised their four kids continued on together until Olive died in 1986.

Elizabeth was an impressive woman.

I'm not sure whether there are any stats on longevity of poly relationships (and they're sometimes hard to quantify) but I suspect perceptions are heavily shaped by observer effects. IME some of the most visible poly people (and BDSMers too, for that matter) are the ones who are doing it for the wrong reasons - attention, annoying their parents, etc. Those relationships tend to fail quickly, messily, and publicly.

Meanwhile the rest of us who are living quiet, reasonably-stable poly relationships and not shouting it from the rooftops... largely don't get noticed.

 

[JackLuis]

No, dear. We can promote our writings and books as flashily and obnoxiously as we want in our signatures, but starting a thread in the Author's Hangout just to promote your story is base, self-serving, and inconsiderate. If everyone started doing it, there'd be no more AH.

The New Stories Advertisement thread is there specifically for this kind of thing.

Dr. Read the byline in the story. It's not mine. If it were mine he would have found his girl was fucking his father and left him fro his uncle, or something like that.

 

[autoplot]

Meanwhile the rest of us who are living quiet, reasonably-stable poly relationships and not shouting it from the rooftops... largely don't get noticed.

Yup. But it's comforting to know that total strangers are experts on how our love lives will end, all the same.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Oh, and Susan and Warren Buffett and Astrid Menks were in what I'd consider a poly relationship for 26 years, until Susan's death. Warren and Susan lived separately, but they were far more than just amicable exes.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Yup. But it's comforting to know that total strangers are experts on how our love lives will end, all the same.

Even when the actual facts prove them wrong.

As far as true poly relationships go, I think they are no different than any other kind of relationship, the good ones last, the bad ones don't. Anyone who would support monogamy as the superior type of relationship surely hasn't looked at the divorce statistics nor taken into consideration all the unhappily married couples.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Even when the actual facts prove them wrong.

As far as true poly relationships go, I think they are no different than any other kind of relationship, the good ones last, the bad ones don't. Anyone who would support monogamy as the superior type of relationship surely hasn't looked at the divorce statistics nor taken into consideration all the unhappily married couples.

Youre so fulla shit.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Maturity, wisdom have nothing to do with age, a point just illustrated on this very thread.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Dr. Read the byline in the story. It's not mine. If it were mine he would have found his girl was fucking his father and left him fro his uncle, or something like that.

Yeah, Jack. And I do apologize for rushing to judgment. Your posts have always been good and legit, and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Even when the actual facts prove them wrong.

As far as true poly relationships go, I think they are no different than any other kind of relationship, the good ones last, the bad ones don't. Anyone who would support monogamy as the superior type of relationship surely hasn't looked at the divorce statistics nor taken into consideration all the unhappily married couples.

Well I'm certainly not supporting monogamy as any kind of superior relationship. It's definitely the cultural favorite though, and much easier to sustain than poly. Bringing up the divorce rate for monogamous unions is kind of irrelevant since there are no good figures on the number of polyamorous relationships that fail to compare it to. Saying the good ones last and the bad ones fail is a tautology: defining the relationship in terms of its outcome.

I have to say too that I wasn't thinking of romantic triangles as exemplars of polyamory. Triangles can be pretty stable. The people I've run into who considered themselves poly had more than just 2 lovers at a time, and that can pose some serious strains on a relationship.