I just want to know if she's ok but not sure if I should contact her.

[gagginforit]

Hi folks. I have a bit of a quandary that I hoped you might be able to help with.

It's a long story, but I met someone about a year ago through a social group for people with anxiety issues. Due to some commonalities in our lives and situations we bonded and got very close very quickly. She has had bad luck with men. She's in her forties but has never had sex with a guy. Initially said she just wanted to be friends but we shared a kiss one night and after that she said she would like me to be her first. We made arrangements to get together one weekend but two days before she had a change of heart and called it off. I could certainly understand that, but she said she needed some time away from me and we never saw each other again.

That was about eight months ago and I've never forgotten her. But lately I've been worried about her. The website we met on was a social group website where people organise groups and activities. The anxiety group was one. She was also in some hiking and outdoor ones, and she organised a music lovers group. The website lets you see what activities are happening and who is attending them for the groups and I noticed she has not participated in any of them, including the one she organises for months. Due to some of the things she told me about her past, and particularly a guy she met and was dumped by before she met me I'm pretty worried about her.

It's possible she just doesn't have anything to do with the site anymore and it's as simple as that. I sent her an email through the site asking if she was ok but she didn't reply. But I suppose it's possible she didn't get it. I don't have her personal contact details anymore but I know where she works. And according to her jobs website she's still there.

So what I was thinking is I could just phone up and ask for her, and if the receptionist says "Sure I'll just get her" I would know she's ok and would just hang up. Should I do that? But what if she says something like "Can I ask who this is and what it's about?" What would I say? I suppose I could email her work but the thing is I don't know if she would want to hear from me, or how she would feel about me contacting her work.

So what do you think I should do?

Thanks, I appreciate it.

 

[boutrosboutros]

I think phoning up her work is a bad idea, as is emailing her at work. Those things could be easily interpreted as being rather creepy. If I were you I would just assume she got your email through the site and doesn't want to pursue further contact.

 

[fire_breeze]

Hi folks. I have a bit of a quandary that I hoped you might be able to help with.

It's a long story, but I met someone about a year ago through a social group for people with anxiety issues. Due to some commonalities in our lives and situations we bonded and got very close very quickly. She has had bad luck with men. She's in her forties but has never had sex with a guy. Initially said she just wanted to be friends but we shared a kiss one night and after that she said she would like me to be her first. We made arrangements to get together one weekend but two days before she had a change of heart and called it off. I could certainly understand that, but she said she needed some time away from me and we never saw each other again.

That was about eight months ago and I've never forgotten her. But lately I've been worried about her. The website we met on was a social group website where people organise groups and activities. The anxiety group was one. She was also in some hiking and outdoor ones, and she organised a music lovers group. The website lets you see what activities are happening and who is attending them for the groups and I noticed she has not participated in any of them, including the one she organises for months. Due to some of the things she told me about her past, and particularly a guy she met and was dumped by before she met me I'm pretty worried about her.

It's possible she just doesn't have anything to do with the site anymore and it's as simple as that. I sent her an email through the site asking if she was ok but she didn't reply. But I suppose it's possible she didn't get it. I don't have her personal contact details anymore but I know where she works. And according to her jobs website she's still there.

So what I was thinking is I could just phone up and ask for her, and if the receptionist says "Sure I'll just get her" I would know she's ok and would just hang up. Should I do that? But what if she says something like "Can I ask who this is and what it's about?" What would I say? I suppose I could email her work but the thing is I don't know if she would want to hear from me, or how she would feel about me contacting her work.

So what do you think I should do?

Thanks, I appreciate it.

I wouldn't phone her at work.

That said, I can appreciate the quandary you face. I had a similar experience about a year ago.

I'm still on the fence about sending her an email at work as I know most people do not use their 'real' email for forums., so if she doesn't quite participate on the boards she may not be getting the email you sent her.

Do you know of anyone who was close to her and who has communicated outside of the forums? You may contact that person and say 'I was just worried, do you know if she's okay?'

When you had made plans to get together, did you use the forum's email or some other way to communicate? Perhaps try that avenue?

IF you do send an email at work, be polite - a simple, "I know you are busy, but I wanted to check in with you. I hope you're okay. Joe" In your signature, leave contact details that will allow her to contact you if she decides to. Assume that her boss is reading all of her emails and write accordingly.

And then leave it at that. Do not contact her again after that email IF you send it to her. She may very well want to cut all ties and if she does, respect that.

Good luck. I hope the lady is fine.

 

[InsatiableDsire]

I would suggest emailing her work, but with a very innocuous message as you don't know who has access to her email. Something like "Hope you are well. I wanted to give you my new email address." (Even if it isn't new) And if there is no response to that, further contact would be creepy.

(And I see that while I was typing, you got similar advice)

 

[MaineFemale]

I think phoning up her work is a bad idea, as is emailing her at work. Those things could be easily interpreted as being rather creepy. If I were you I would just assume she got your email through the site and doesn't want to pursue further contact.

I agree with this. Maybe try sending her a Facebook message. If she doesn't Facebook, let it go. What are you going to do if you find out something did happen to her anyway? Just make yourself accessible so if she ever looks for you, she can find you. That's all I can suggest....just don't contact her at work.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

If she wants you she'll come get you, that's how women are. Strike another match and start anew.

 

[NightL]

I'll be the person to ask - was she aware of how much you knew of/followed her previous online activities?

 

[TeaforMe]

It sounds like she was breaking things off with you when she said she needed time away. Since you have not heard from her since, my guess is she wants no further contact with you.

For whatever reason, she has left that online forum, so it is not just you she has cut out of her life. I think you would do well to leave her alone. Unless she has given you explicit permission to contact her through other mean (work phone/email) you would be overstepping a boundary that could enter stalking territory.

 

[thisotherworld]

Gotta move on.

 

[gagginforit]

Ok I'll leave it alone, thanks. I'm glad I checked first, I would hate to intrude on her or come off as creepy. I'm aware checking her activity on the website was borderline creepy anyway.

I guess part of me was hoping that she was really wanting to get back in contact but was holding off for fear of hurting me, but would love to hear from me. But I guess that is just a pipe dream. I'll have to assume she got that email and decided to ignore it, as surprising as that is. I of course completely respect her desire be left alone.

If she is in trouble or going through something, I could at least be a friend and lend her an ear. But then again it might just be an added complication.

Thanks again for the input.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

if

If you can get her snail mail address a short note telling her of your concerns and asking if the world is treating her well might elicit a response.

 

[Treasured]

I have always been told no news is good news. Assume that since she never replied everything is wonderful in her world.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Ok I'll leave it alone, thanks. I'm glad I checked first, I would hate to intrude on her or come off as creepy. I'm aware checking her activity on the website was borderline creepy anyway.

I guess part of me was hoping that she was really wanting to get back in contact but was holding off for fear of hurting me, but would love to hear from me. But I guess that is just a pipe dream. I'll have to assume she got that email and decided to ignore it, as surprising as that is. I of course completely respect her desire be left alone.

If she is in trouble or going through something, I could at least be a friend and lend her an ear. But then again it might just be an added complication.

Thanks again for the input.

I don't think you checking her online activity on the website was creepy. It's easy for us to throw stones, but let's be real, who among us wouldn't do the same thing? I'm admittedly a rapey Dave and I'll stalk the hell out of the one who holds my interest, so take that as you may. I truly don't believe that behaviour is creepy. I think any of us would do the same.

You seem like a nice guy and I'm sad that she sort of just disappeared on you. Best of luck and I hope that you meet someone new.

 

[gagginforit]

Thanks again everyone.

There is one other way I could maybe contact her, or ask about her. The music lovers group she hosts has a co organiser. She's bound to know her. I've never even spoken to her, but I could ask her if she knows how she is.

What do you think?

 

[Bunnybumping]

In the message you sent did you express that you are just concerned for her well being and you are willing to be her friend if she needs you?

If you didn't express it fully, just send her another private message on the site.

I wouldn't try to contact her another way, she might consider that intrusive. Even asking another person about her, it might be considered so. I don't have anyway of gauging that for you, it depends on how she is.

I say leave the door open but it's her choice to walk through.

I hope you find someone with an open heart that appreciates you. You sound like a nice guy and I wish you best of luck.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Women weird me out.

I'm always the last to know, most always because I don't watch tv, read newspapers, or socialize. I recently learned that a woman I knew for many years died 20 years ago. This sort of thing happens a lot with me. My dad was dead 5 years before I heard of it.

So 7 years ago I came across an old obit for my high school sweethearts mom. I liked the woman a lot. Anyway, it took me a few minutes to locate my old girlfriend (we drop breadcrumbs everywhere we go), and I sent her an email to express my sorrow for her loss. She wasn't happy to hear from me tho our parting back in 1972 wasn't hostile. She got it in her head I was stalking her tho I explained that the newspaper is filled with her personal info, and you cant be conspicuous and invisible simultaneously.

The interesting thing is she keeps popping up on the social networks I subscribe to. I occasionally get emails from her address when hackers access her email address file and use it to send spam. She pops up all over the place BUT not the folks I like much better.

 

[NightL]

Mr JBJ – perhaps you should think of it as you just weird women out. If you can understand this concept then you can evaluate and make changes to improve their perception of you. I suspect though it is a way too late in your case. Your abrasive, often highly arrogant and narrow minded views expressed here at Literotica, particularly your incessant outcry that women don’t meet the JBJ standards along with your inability to view women worthy enough that their opinions, emotions or even physical welfare should be respected basically displays you as a total misogynist.

She wasn't happy to hear from me tho our parting back in 1972 wasn't hostile. She got it in her head I was stalking her tho I explained that the newspaper is filled with her personal info, and you cant be conspicuous and invisible simultaneously.

The interesting thing is she keeps popping up on the social networks I subscribe to. I occasionally get emails from her address when hackers access her email address file and use it to send spam. She pops up all over the place BUT not the folks I like much better.

So, maybe she has just had a little time to reflect on exactly what type of person you are. Re. hostile, well I will leave that particular post you made alone this time (almost) – but I am sure many have lost respect for you and fled well before you hit them. Re. her mother’s obituary, she was not asking to be conspicuous. So perhaps if you had followed your own advice

If she wants you she'll come get you, that's how women are. Strike another match and start anew.

you might have realised that ’72 was a long time ago and you should have realised her life would not be improved if you suddenly appeared again.

Now that social media stuff – tricky wizardry new fangled technology going on here – basically the more you chased her down via searches the more the technology will keep delivering her up as someone you may be interested in – as apparently you were. This does not mean she has been tracking you – purely reflects how frequently you searched her out.

Show as much love to people as you do toward your tomatoes, you may be surprised how they start to view you.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Mr JBJ – perhaps you should think of it as you just weird women out. If you can understand this concept then you can evaluate and make changes to improve their perception of you. I suspect though it is a way too late in your case. Your abrasive, often highly arrogant and narrow minded views expressed here at Literotica, particularly your incessant outcry that women don’t meet the JBJ standards along with your inability to view women worthy enough that their opinions, emotions or even physical welfare should be respected basically displays you as a total misogynist.



So, maybe she has just had a little time to reflect on exactly what type of person you are. Re. hostile, well I will leave that particular post you made alone this time (almost) – but I am sure many have lost respect for you and fled well before you hit them. Re. her mother’s obituary, she was not asking to be conspicuous. So perhaps if you had followed your own advice you might have realised that ’72 was a long time ago and you should have realised her life would not be improved if you suddenly appeared again.

Now that social media stuff – tricky wizardry new fangled technology going on here – basically the more you chased her down via searches the more the technology will keep delivering her up as someone you may be interested in – as apparently you were. This does not mean she has been tracking you – purely reflects how frequently you searched her out.

Show as much love to people as you do toward your tomatoes, you may be surprised how they start to view you.

You make plenty of unfounded assumptions and conclusions, dear. As I stated at the start of my post its not my habit to track old loves, and I cant seem to keep abreast of friends or family.

I set high standards for women. Few at LIT meet those standards. But some women meet those standards, and I have a few long-time relationships that exist away from LIT. Truth be told youre prolly a guy posing as a female. Its common at LIT. So why try to impress LIT frauds?

At any rate my old flame did concede that her mom was very fond of me.