I have a story started...but...

[CreativeSpit]

I am having trouble filling it out and making it something worth reading. It's too much like reading a summary of an event that happened. Anyone have any tips, or want to read it and insert ideas? PM me if ya do, and I'll send it.

(It's kinda a 3-some, but the guy's g/f leaves on an errand with the guy tied up and blind folded, and the other girl takes advantage of this to loose her cherry)

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hmm. If it sounds like a summary, it might be that you're not getting enough of the characters' perspectives. I don't know if you're using first person or third person narration, but even in third person there's plenty of room to add emotive values. There's a big difference between "She put her lips around his penis" and "She slid her lips down his cock like a promise of heaven." If you're mostly being flatly factual, that might be part of your issue. What have you done to communicate the characters' tensions, sensations and reactions?

Shanglan

 

[CreativeSpit]

Well, it's first person, since the first half of the story actually happened and the second part I used a "What if?" premise. And I'm trying to write what happened, but I guess my vocabulary isn't extensive enough for this project.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Don't give up.

When you've written out the whole thing, you can break it down paragraph by paragraph and add more detail as needed.

Contrary to popular belief, 'this really happened' stories are often the hardest to write well. But that doesn't mean it's not worth trying.

You probably need to work on pacing, and use dialogue in teh right places. There is a forum on lit for critiquing stories *before* you post them. Plenty of chances for others to help and guide you if you need it. You could probably post smaller bits right on the AH with something like "Writer's Question- Suggestions needed for improving this passage" After one or two, you'll get more of a feel for it, and maybe feel brave enough to post the whole thing for a critical eye (always painful the first time, but gernally worth it)

If you give a concrete example, you'll probalby get better advice

 

[English Lady]

Take what you've got and write it to it's conclusion. put it to aside and then look at it again after a day or two/week/month and then read over it and add in bits as you go. Keep doing this till you're happy with it

 

[sweetnpetite]

Yes, it's best to get into the habit of finishing the things you start to write (bleive me, it took me years to get there)

Everything will seem like crap at some point during the writing of it. Finish it anyway. And keep everything.

 

[NoJo]

Well, it's first person, since the first half of the story actually happened and the second part I used a "What if?" premise. And I'm trying to write what happened, but I guess my vocabulary isn't extensive enough for this project.

Don't use real life events in your stories, except as a springboard. Although Truth is sometimes Stranger than Fiction, it's rarely hotter.

Make sure you have a conflict, and that all three characters are part of the conflict.

 

[CreativeSpit]

Here's where my story branches from reality to fiction: (What really happened was my g/f got jealous, and just stopped it)

My boxers apparently are unnecessary now, and are yanked off. I don’t think that we’re playing the guessing game anymore. My thighs, balls, penis, everything in that region, has a tongue playing over it.

The stop for a moment, to have another side argument. Whispers of, “Your not ready yet.”, “Are you sure?”, and voice more often “Of course!”

“I’m going to the store. Amanda thinks I need to get us some toys. I’ll be back in about 2 hours. Amanda, be good. Patrick, don’t rape my friend.’ I hear the bedroom door close. A few moments later, the front door closes. It’s quite again. Actually, it’s silent. I roll back over on my back. My penis, sensing defeat, deflates.

“Hey! What’s it doing? I worked hard getting it ready!” Amanda’s voice shatters the silence. I jump as much as the rope would allow, which is not much. I feel weight on the edge of the bed. A hand slowly runs up and down my chest, ruffling a light covering of hair. Her small hand slides down lower, skin gentle and soft as a deer, sending small jolts through my body. Amanda’s nails lightly scratch the underside of my cock. I’m hard again, sure enough. My hips arch up before consulting with my brain, trying to put my cock in her hands.

“That’s better. You won’t be able to pop my cherry unless you’re hard.”

“Huh?” I mutter, confused.

 

[brightlyiburn]

Here's where my story branches from reality to fiction: (What really happened was my g/f got jealous, and just stopped it)

My boxers apparently are unnecessary now, and are yanked off. I don’t think that we’re playing the guessing game anymore. My thighs, balls, penis, everything in that region, has a tongue playing over it.

The stop for a moment, to have another side argument. Whispers of, “Your not ready yet.”, “Are you sure?”, and voice more often “Of course!”

“I’m going to the store. Amanda thinks I need to get us some toys. I’ll be back in about 2 hours. Amanda, be good. Patrick, don’t rape my friend.’ I hear the bedroom door close. A few moments later, the front door closes. It’s quite again. Actually, it’s silent. I roll back over on my back. My penis, sensing defeat, deflates.

“Hey! What’s it doing? I worked hard getting it ready!” Amanda’s voice shatters the silence. I jump as much as the rope would allow, which is not much. I feel weight on the edge of the bed. A hand slowly runs up and down my chest, ruffling a light covering of hair. Her small hand slides down lower, skin gentle and soft as a deer, sending small jolts through my body. Amanda’s nails lightly scratch the underside of my cock. I’m hard again, sure enough. My hips arch up before consulting with my brain, trying to put my cock in her hands.

“That’s better. You won’t be able to pop my cherry unless you’re hard.”

“Huh?” I mutter, confused.

Oh lordy...
Hun, take my advice. Writing first person is difficult enough. If you want to write first person, that's fine. But begin using past tense, not present. Present tense first person is incredibly hard to do and can be confusing to read.

 

[CreativeSpit]

I was using present-tense? Hmm...*reads over his story*
Wow...so simple fix. Someone give this man a Genius Award!

 

[brightlyiburn]

I was using present-tense? Hmm...*reads over his story*
Wow...so simple fix. Someone give this man a Genius Award!

I hope that wasn't sarcasm. That would sting an awful lot considering I'm not a man.

 

[CreativeSpit]

Not sarcasm (and sorry about assigning you a gender w/o asking if you had one first ) I seriously didn't realize that I was writing present-tense. It makes loads of sense once you stop and realize that it is indeed something to consider.

 

[brightlyiburn]

Not sarcasm (and sorry about assigning you a gender w/o asking if you had one first ) I seriously didn't realize that I was writing present-tense. It makes loads of sense once you stop and realize that it is indeed something to consider.

The first time I tried writing first person, I kept swinging between past and present tense. It's surprisingly easy to slip into present tense in first person, especially when you first begin. Which is why I very rarely write in first person.