I have a question...

[RoyalPurpleVelv]

What is the difference between a sub and bottoming, and a dom/me and topping?

I looked in the library and didn't find anything that really explained this.

 

[His_sugar]

The most direct answer that I can explain is a Dom/me-sub/slave share not only a physical control exchange, but also a mental and emotional control exchange. It has been my experience Top/bottoms are mostly physical exchange and play.

I'm sure others will differ with their answers, but that is how it is understandable to me..

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

The most direct answer that I can explain is a Dom/me-sub/slave share not only a physical control exchange, but also a mental and emotional control exchange. It has been my experience Top/bottoms are mostly physical exchange and play.

I'm sure others will differ with their answers, but that is how it is understandable to me..

That sounds about right...

You can look at it as a continuum, with Tops/bottoms on one end, and Masters/slaves on the opposite side. T/b play is just that-playing. A D/s relationship is more than just the activities, it is a complete emotional and mental attachment to a certain lifestyle.

 

[RoyalPurpleVelv]

I'm trying to figure some things out. I'm not really a sub, but I'm definitely not a dom, but I do enjoy some of the kink.

 

[His_sugar]

My belief has always been "to each their own"..

Whatever makes you happy, gives you pleasure and helps to fulfill your needs is all that matters. Labels aren't really all the important, at least not to me.

If you enjoy the kink aspects then I say explore, learn and indulge!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'm trying to figure some things out. I'm not really a sub, but I'm definitely not a dom, but I do enjoy some of the kink.

If all you want is the 'slap and tickle' more power to you!

 

[RoyalPurpleVelv]

If all you want is the 'slap and tickle' more power to you!

...well maybe a bit more of the slap than the tickle

 

[niteshade]

I am glad you asked this, as I was going to post a thread on it myself and hadn't gotten around to it. Now I can just lurk in yours!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

The only problem I ever have with the 'slap and tickle' crowd is when they don't want to admit that all they want is a smack on the ass and a good fuck.

I mean, what you describe yourself as being is a 'bottom'; into the kink, the activities, not so much into the mental aspect, or into being ordered around. If that's all you want, that's cool, but if you call yourself 'submissive' and ask for advice, you'll likely hear things that aren't appropriate for a bottom...see what I mean?

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Damn, most days that would make me mighy happy. Today, in fact....

I'll be right over...

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

What is the difference between a sub and bottoming, and a dom/me and topping?

I looked in the library and didn't find anything that really explained this.

I look at submission as being about service. I serve my Dominant. If He wants to scene that day and give me some "slap and tickle" as JM put it, well goodie for me! But, He may very well choose to have me do the laundry, or balance His checkbook, or a myriad of other things....or He may just decide that I'm to be His driver for a night of bar-hopping.

Point being--He is in charge, and I serve.

I think you can see how it's vastly different from bottoming. I think of bottoming as "scening". I think of submission as "serving".

~anelize

 

[Ebonyfire]

...well maybe a bit more of the slap than the tickle

It is all good!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Another viewpoint

There are those of us who use D/s and BDSM in the context of how we live our lives, as opposed to focusing on a few aspect of D/s and BDSM for the viewpoint of top to bottom or vice versa.

I do not "play" with bottoms I do not know in a public or private venue. I prefer to develop a relationship with submissives who are tied to Me in some way. also, I am service oriented.

Just a different way of being who I am. I am not a Top, I am a female Dominant.

 

[RoyalPurpleVelv]

After reading some of the threads here I figured out that submissives were about service. That is definitely NOT me, (go do your own laundry, I worked all day too). I do enjoy spanking, light bondage, and letting my man "take the lead" in the bedroom, but I have no desire to be obediant in any way. So I guess that makes me a sometimes bottom...nice to know what to call myself.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

After reading some of the threads here I figured out that submissives were about service. That is definitely NOT me, (go do your own laundry, I worked all day too). I do enjoy spanking, light bondage, and letting my man "take the lead" in the bedroom, but I have no desire to be obediant in any way. So I guess that makes me a sometimes bottom...nice to know what to call myself.

Knowing where you stand makes it easier to get what you want! Good for you!


*pat on the back*

 

[Netzach]

I don't think it's an all-or-nothing divide for the majority of people.

I *could* order M to clean my house all day and feed the kitties and change their litter, and go online and post 6 resumes for a better job and unpack his boxes and rub my feet.

Sure.

By then I'd be bored shitless and he's be ready to sleep. More fun to tie him up and strapon fuck him and pitch in with all the aforesaid on Sunday afternoon.

At least for me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

After reading some of the threads here I figured out that submissives were about service. That is definitely NOT me, (go do your own laundry, I worked all day too). I do enjoy spanking, light bondage, and letting my man "take the lead" in the bedroom, but I have no desire to be obediant in any way. So I guess that makes me a sometimes bottom...nice to know what to call myself.

There are all different kinds of service you know!