I don't want to be on my own anymore.

[human_male]

I used to like being on my own. I got a job specifically because I would be alone for much of the time. I used to like it, now I hate it. Now I understand what people mean when they say they're terrified of being alone.

I want someone to hold me.

 

[emptynester]

I want someone to hold me.

Human_male, I don't know how to respond other than to send HUGS your way. If you are alone in your job maybe you need to get out more. The more time you spend alone, the more difficult it becomes to get out and be around people. Sending HUG, HUGS and more HUGS your way.

 

[Monazwx]

(((((((((((((((human_male)))))))))))))))))

It's time to get out there man!

 

[DrHappy]

Most of my answer doesn't really address how to not be single, but it does address your unhappiness about being alone.

Take advantage of whatever situation you are in. For about five years, I was single and worked out of the house by myself. There was potential to be socially isolated and lonely. My married friends with kids were always complaining about what they'd like to do if they had the time and/or money. At the time, I was a member of five separate clubs (an officer in more than one), and I got to know almost every neighbor on my block. I enjoy being alone, but I don't like too much of it. Likewise, I love being in social situations, but I value my alone time as well. After being alone, I relished my breaks from it to tend club functions or to make beer with a neighbor. I hosted wine tastings at my house. After all the busy social functions, I then enjoyed retreating back to my alone time. I have some neat treasures from my hobbies and I'll never forget the friendships that I made from some of my clubs. I don't feel that my time was "wasted" while being single. I also was busy with online dating and finally got married. I like being married more than being single, but being single isn't so bad if you make the best of it.

What does your circle of friends look like? Having some good non-romantic guy and girl friends is essential to have. I'd be especially lonely when I was single if I didn't have those.

Imagine that you were married, had kids, and had no time for yourself. What things would you like to do? Do you have some hobbies that you've put off doing? Do it now. Find a club in your area for one of these hobbies. Do you feel awkward speaking in front of people? Try Toastmasters International. I was a member of a singles Toastmasters.

When I was dating, I used to ask girls what they did in their spare time. I considered it a bad sign if they got a blank look or said that they just watched TV.

 

[center_stage]

I know how you feel. I feel so lonely sometimes and it gets to you. Make yourself as busy as you can, that's what helped me. PM me if you ever just want to talk to someone about anything.

 

[RedCherries05]

Aww! That's a really sweet post, and I think you've already been given some great advice, so I'll just add that my door's open to if you ever just want to chit-chat or talk or anything! I kind of know what it feels like, I have alot of siblings and I just happen to be the youngest, and when they all moved out on there own and I'm still at home going to school it can seem soo strange. Really hope the best to you!

 

[human_male]

Thank you very much everyone. I'm not really talking about being single Dr. Happy, although that's a big part of it. But that's always been a big hole in my life. What's new is being alone in the general sense. I have family around and that's great (god what would I do without them). I'm talking about friends and being around people and socialising. I never used to care much about that. I have a good friend from school but I hardly ever see him as he lives across town. I don't have any other friends at all, and I don't go out. Even if I made the effort I wouldn't know where to start actually.

I just don't know why my life's like this. Why have I never had any friends (since leaving school)? Why have I never had a girlfriend (since school again)? I just don't know. When I examine myself I can't see a single reason. Yet there it is. And it has always been thus. How would I find out if there was something really, awfully wrong with me?

 

[Monazwx]

If there's something worng with you, then there's something terribly wrong with me, because I'm in the same boat as you, but I don't feel lonely (yet). For me, I wanted to get ahead at work, which didn't leave alot of time for socializing. The clicher is that, I don't really see myself as a fit for my job anymore, so now I'm wondering if all this is for nought. Are you happy at work, because since you're so solitary, being unhappy at work may be causing additional stress.

 

[M's girl]

I have never been (or felt) alone in the sense that you are describing. But I guess I understand what you mean. You say you have family who care about you plus you do have a job so you are getting out there.

It is my belief that other people can't make you happy or make you feel like you have friends. There are people who have friends, are in relationships, who feel very alone all of the time. I think the feeling alone is often mistaken for not being happy with the way your life in going in general and that brings you back to my point that other people can't do that for you.

I don't know your personal situation other than what I have read about/from you in the past two years or so. I think it's time for you to start finding out what it really is you want and need in your life. If your job is no longer satisfying see if you can do some kind of assessment-thing/couse where 'others' help you find out what job would be better suited for you and your personality and skills. Take courses to get there, which serves several purposes. One: you work on your new goal which should give you fulfillment and a sense of pride; two: it's a chance to meet new people who are on the same page as you as they are probably trying to achieve similar goals.

Take a close look at how you spend your free time. Is it what you always wanted to do or do you just do those things because you've always done them? You are not the same person you were ten years ago; no one is, yet most people tend to hang on to their lifestyles of ten years ago.

I think if you work on these kind of things, the rest will follow automatically. I have been discontent with the way my life was going several times. Sometimes it took me a while to see that was I was doing was not working for me anymore. This has resulted (several times) in changing my life drastically and completeley. At one point I finished a relationship of two years; moved house (and city) and found me a new job there which was something entirely different from what I had been doing careerwise till then. It worked magic; almost like I became this whole new and improved person. The new friends came along with no effort! But the best thing was: I was very proud of ME for making all these big and scary changes.

 

[idnas71]

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