I don't think I can be bi (to all bisexuals)

[bicuriousosaur]

Is it just me, or do you guys/girls go through a period where you despise yourselves? I think it's just how they behave around at times. Some are cool, on the Yahoo! Messenger and stuff, but others are downright nuts.

Lately, I been thinking about getting a girlfriend. Of course, there is the whole being attracted to both sexes that might get away of things. So, I have to ask, when/if it is a good idea to tell a girlfriend about your attraction to men?

 

[Never]

You don't think you can be bisexual because you don't like the way gay and bisexual people act? That strikes me a mildly idiotic.

 

[bicuriousosaur]

I didn't word it right, I meant, I am repulse for being attracted to both sexes. Yeah, I was being a idiot.

 

[Elmer Keith]

Yes, idiot, We know. Idiot.

 

[bicuriousosaur]

Ok, now, i already a laughing stock of another message board, don't start it here as well.

 

[gr8mvr]

tell her during the period of time between getting to know eachother and having sex.i dont think you should have sex with anyone who doesnt know.you might build a meaningful relationship and ruin it because you werent honest up front and the person feels decieved

 

[-phreak]

Is it just me, or do you guys/girls go through a period where you despise yourselves?

Sure I do, but it does'nt change my sexuality...

 

[revolution724]

Hey, bi? It sounds like you've got a lot of complicated feelings going on here, and there's a lot about your life that we just can't know or understand from where we're typing. This may have been suggested before, but in case it hasn't... I really think you might want to think about finding a counselor to talk to. Someone who's studied and practiced counseling techniques can get more information than it's possible for anyone to do here and would know a lot better how to help you decide for yourself what's the right thing for you to do.

If you're going to school, there's almost always a counseling center at your school where you can talk to someone for free. If you're not, you can still often find free services, especially if you live near a large city - just type "free counseling" and your city's name into Google and see what pops up. If there's a GLBT center anywhere nearby, they usually have understanding therapists specifically trained in sexual orientation issues. For example, here in Boston, we have a place called the Bisexual Resource Center that offers free discussion groups and individual counseling on a sliding scale, just for people identifying as bi or working through issues around bisexuality.

The best thing about seeing a professional therapist or counselor is that anything you say is completely confidential - your confidentiality is protected by law. That means that if you're afraid of something getting back to your family, you don't have to worry about the counselor telling anyone.

Good luck with your questions. It's okay to have them. The answers will probably mean more if they're your own, instead of someone else's.

 

[bicuriousosaur]

No, I come to terms with my bisexuality a while back, but, it still kind of puts me on edge, if you know what I mean?

 

[anne27]

Is it just me, or do you guys/girls go through a period where you despise yourselves? I think it's just how they behave around at times. Some are cool, on the Yahoo! Messenger and stuff, but others are downright nuts.

Lately, I been thinking about getting a girlfriend. Of course, there is the whole being attracted to both sexes that might get away of things. So, I have to ask, when/if it is a good idea to tell a girlfriend about your attraction to men?

I go through periods where women drive me nuts and I think being straight would be far easier, but no, I've never despised myself for being bi. Most of the time, I like it.

Do tell your girlfriend early on about your attraction to both sexes. Honestly is not only the best way, it should be the only way.

 

[revolution724]

Actually, I meant that a counselor can be helpful for lots of reasons besides acknowledging that you're interested in both genders, including the types of questions about relationships that you're asking in this thread. But I would wonder about the statement that you have "come to terms with your bisexuality a while back" in light of the statement that "it puts you on edge sometimes." And I'm not recommending anything I haven't done or would be embarrassed to do. I've seen several therapists over the years, for various reasons (e.g. death in the family, relationship difficulties/questions, personal trauma) and have found it a lot more useful than what can be accomplished online.

Ultimately, you know yourself best, and can probably figure out for yourself what's going to be the best idea for you, but therapy is just something to think about as an option, one that's helpful for a lot of people.

 

[Never]

bicuriousosaur:
"No, I come to terms with my bisexuality a while back, but, it still kind of puts me on edge, if you know what I mean?"

I don't. I think part of the problem is that we don't know what you mean. The only thing I can think of is that the queer community sometimes sticks you the wrong way. That's the problem with all communities though.

 

[bicuriousosaur]

Well, I am a very lonely person in the first place. I still live with my parents, who are both a little naive about my sexuality. They do know that I looked at male homosexual pornography at times. i guess living with them is kind of making me go crazy, since they don't seem to notice that much of a change in me. Doesn't help that most of extended family seems to be homophobic, so, that kind of leaves me the odd man out. Besides, and most bi people should know this, Bisexuality is look down upon or not even aknowledge by most people.

The thing on the computer is that it seems that most people on the chat rooms are a little sex crazed. I guess that's ok, until you instant message my mother and ask if she's married or some stupid bullshit.

 

[bronzeage]

Its not required.

Is it just me, or do you guys/girls go through a period where you despise yourselves? I think it's just how they behave around at times. Some are cool, on the Yahoo! Messenger and stuff, but others are downright nuts.

Hi Bicur,
I have a lot of gay friends. It never been a problem. They can use my towels and everything. I have learned that the personalities of gay men are just as wide and varied as straight men. Some of my friends can't stand to be around swishy guys. It drives them crazy. Some couples, one guy acts like Bette Davis and the other is Clark Gable. Dont put too much faith in online behavior. There has to be a difference between the way people behave in person and online. At least I hope so.

Lately, I been thinking about getting a girlfriend. Of course, there is the whole being attracted to both sexes that might get away of things. So, I have to ask, when/if it is a good idea to tell a girlfriend about your attraction to men?

Before you have to answer to that question get out and meet some people. There is more to being straight, bi, or gay than having sex with somebody. A real relationship has to have love in it and who you fall in love with really defines who you are. I have observed that a lot of tension and grief in relationships comes from the jealosy of one partner who has to worry about the other being attracted to both sexes. I have known both lesbian and gay couples who have split up because one partner did not see opposite sex encounters as "real cheating"
The real answer to your question is to be honest with yourself and everbody else. Most women you meet will figure out what you attractions are anyway.
Good luck