I don't know why I am doing this here, but I am really, really upset.

[Starfish]

I am so fucking upset I don't even know what to do.

I got an email from my dad today saying "I am really dissapointed that your mom didn't get a call or a card, or an email from you yesterday."

That was it. No... Why? No, what prevented you from this?

I explained in an email to him that I have not even had time to take care of myself. I am working a job, against doctors orders, that, although I love, is very hard on my system. Having had finals last week, my mind has been on school, work, and just getting by.

Besides, I spent the first part of last week trying to figure out what I could do that was nice, but cheap, and special for her. She lives out of state, so it isn't like I could have visited her, and bought her a plant.

An email is so typical and I didn't want to do that.

Well, either way, it didn't matter, I had to work all weekend, and I had no time for myself online, let alone to do emails or anything.
I had to leave work and go to a birthday party for my handicapped sister in law at her care house in a different town, and I didn't get home from that all until 9:30pm. I had nothing to eat all day, and had to have a crappy dinner. I am sick, exhausted, and I just couldn't come up with any time to do anything for her during the day. I am living in a house full of their CRAP that was left for ME to deal with and I get no help. They are coming here in a month and a half and if this house looks like it does now, when they get here, I will hear no end of what an ungrateful, lazy daughter I am, even though I am chronically ill, and face too much to deal with already.

I even wrote her an email a week and a half ago explaining that I am sick, over worked, and doing so much around here it is killing me. She never replied to me, but sent me mass mailings of emails she was sending to other family memebers about shit that has to do with heritage.

I am getting no finacial help with the upkeep of their home and I am burning out fast.

Needless to say, I am dissapointed that he didnt' even think for two fucking seconds what I am dealing with here before he made me feel like the worst daughter on the planet.

I want to curl up and die now.

 

[Vivacia]

Oh Fishy, sounds like you a having a rough time!

<hugs>

Hope it sorts out for you soon hun!

 

[metal_minx]

*hugs* though i dont know you

there is a time in every childs life when they just have to tell their parents "fuck you"

 

[Wiggles]

Sounds like your parents need a wake up call.

Take off that cape Super woman, you need some rest.

Take care of yourself little star fishie.

 

[His_kitty]

Hopefully venting like this will help you feel even slightly better.

Sometimes it's easy for parents to take their children for granted, and vice versa. Hard for them to see past their own disapointments and hurts to consider what else maybe going on. I would think that the logical mail to you would have been not condemming you, but to have stopped and asked why you hadn't.

It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate, and I hope that soon it will get ease up a little. Till then, just know that you are in many's thoughts and if you need to vent anymore .... just give a hollar.

 

[Starfish]

LOL, metal minx. SO true, so true.

But I do feel bad. I feel bad for many reasons, but mostly because she really is a great mom.

She managed to raise my brother and I while having mental illness, and she always put us first. She ended up in a psych ward for two weeks because she neglected to take care of herself because life got to be too much for her. I don't want to end up in that situation, because I am more brought down emotionally by idleness than by productivity being overwhelming.

Seriously, I know that depression sets in badly with me if I am forced to be idle, and in a psych ward, there is lots of idle time.
If I stay busy, I don't have time to think about what is upsetting to me. I just don't want to snap, and then be forced to be even somewhat idle, or I'll be right where I was last summer and fall.

I love doing all of this work. I love being productive. It gives my pathetic, jack off life, purpose, and direction. If I loose that, I am fucked. I hate being overloaded though. It makes me neglect important things like Mother's day for MY own mother.

Is there a happy medium for ANYTHING in life?

 

[metal_minx]

it sounds like you're following in her footsteps...time to rethink your habits...if you feel bad then just call her up and explain, i think she would forgive you, if not understand, your situation..maybe use this event to try and improve your situation with them...maybe they'll see what stress you're under and offer their help and guidence
as for your overwhelming life follow your own advice
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
- Oscar Wilde
find something that is simple and uniquely yours...my own mother deals with her stress and depression by doing artwork, creating batiks to give to her family and friends and its helped her a great deal

 

[juicygirl]

Big hug. Maybe it would be a good idea to call your Mom and tell her how much you love her. I don't know you or her. What would be really good is if you could find a nice quiet place where you wouldn't have to deal with all the conflicting messages and desires that you seem to have to try to deal with. Nice long bath, relaxing music and just let your mind go blank. Sleep if you can, find the person you love the most and let them hold you quietly. Know that you are not alone.

 

[AzureAngel]

I'm sorry to hear that things are going so rough for you, Starfeesh. *Frowns.* People can be great like that, sometimes. Overlooking everything and only seeing one side of it. Not letting enough be enough. If you talk to your mom sometime, she should understand... even if your dad doesn't.

Just do your best. If it's not enough for him, then it is time for a fuck you, as suggested. *Shrugs.* You don't need an influence in your life that focuses only on the negative. That's horrible for anyone, but especially in times of strife.

Best wishes to you... I hope the clouds clear enough for some sunshine.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

aww i'm sorry please dont be too hard o yourself your mom understands

 

[nasty]

I still love ya, Fishy. If it makes it better, I'm REALLY upset, too,(read my newest thread.)

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

totally agree's with mental minx

I assure ya your not the worst daughter in the world!

 

[SilverVeil]

Wow ... that sucks that your dad did that.

I went even one worse than you ... I was not sick this weekend, I have not talked to my mom in a month or more, and I did not call or send her anything either. I don't know her phone number, and I don't have her address where she is right now ... does not mean I could not have gotten it from anyone ... I just did not really care to.

We ahhhh ..... don't really get along that well, but still, I could have sent something.

At least you talk to your mom, and it does bother you that you could not think of anything to send. I personally am not bothered all that much by what I did. I guess that makes me a bad person. But that does not bother me that much either. It is just where she is concerned I suppose.

When you feel better, write her a note and tell her how you feel, and then enclose it with a gift certificate to a store she likes ? That way she can pick out something she needs or likes.

 

[weed]

A friendly pat on the shoulder...

I'm with the others talk to your mom....I've certainly missed my mom on special occasions before (similar reasons as yours) and we've always been able to make it up....

Now your dad......I think I would e-mail him back.....let him know in a kind but honest way how sad his message to you made you feel and that you love your mom and in no way meant to neglect her. And then he needs to get over it!


That's probably best before the bath...don't want to ruin your bubble buzz.

 

[weed]

Silverveil......maybe you should adopt a mom......perhaps a woman you know, wish your mom was like.....perhaps someone who was never blessed with a child of her own

 

[Sillyman]

I'm sure your parents are really nice sweet people most of the time, but for this occasion, fuck 'em. Alright, it sounds to me that while you shouyld stil stay busy, you need to scale back on your operations a bit. Either ask for fewer hours at work or take fewer classes next semester. I know it's kind of stupid advice, but it's the best I can do. A snail-mail letter to your Mom might be a good idea too, since those have much more value today than a typical e-mail. You can explain your situation and why you love her and all that jazz.

 

[lickerish]

Ahhh my sweet fish.

No, there is never a happy medium.. there is never grey, just black or white.

It certainly sucks that your dad sent you that email, it probably did hurt her.. but on the same token, why do we have to shower mom's with attention on one specific day a year? I know that my kids love me to death 365 days a year... Call her today and let her know how much you appreciate her, she shouldn't be so shallow to let that hurt her for being one day late.

At least you have a mom around to shower with love. To hug her and tell her how much you'll never be able to re-pay her for all the love and kindness she's bestowed upon you. I wish I could only have that chance, one more time.



If it matters much, I love you fishie.. and it will be okay.

 

[SilverVeil]

Silverveil......maybe you should adopt a mom......perhaps a woman you know, wish your mom was like.....perhaps someone who was never blessed with a child of her own

Actually ... I have semi-adopted my mom in law as that person. She lives with us so that makes it easy. I bought her a jewlery box that I know she has been wanting but has not had the money for yet. She loved it.

She gave me a long black cloak/coat for Christmas that made me bawl like a baby. No one has even given me a coat before, and this one is just so cool looking. I did not have a winter coat since I moved here from TX. And I was cold.


She is a real gem of a woman. I am glad she lives with us.

 

[Starfish]

Thank you all so much.

I did this.

We are on the phone now, and things are going good now.



I have the best mom in the world.

 

[missy2]

Take Care Of Yourself First---Always.

Communication is still the best answer. Mom should try to understand your situation and leave it at that.If she got your E mail,maybe dad's just got a wild hair?Things will work out.Hang in there.Take care of yourself.
Hugs to you!

 

[Guest]

Sea Star,

Guilt is paralyzing. You can only do what you are capable of, at this moment. Forgive yourself. Mothers' Day is one day. Though a celebratory day, it's one single day. Your love can be shown any day. And I bet your Mom will welcome it.

Be good to you.

Sending you lots of warm, cyber hugs.

 

[Cheyenne]

I did this once, at least 20 years ago. I explained to my mom that I was swamped and just didn't have time to get to a store for her for mother's day. She didn't say anything and I thought it was okay. But, she was really hurt that she didn't get at least a card, if not flowers or something. I felt horrible when she finally said something.

I've never missed a Mothers' Day since then. A card takes an extra two minutes to pick up in the grocery store (they have nice ones here.) I always have a card for her, no matter what.

 

[someplace]

There comes a time

when a child grows up and the parent has to accept it. Some are able to do this more gracefully than others. Some parents never grow up or grow out of manipulative guilt trips. The children grow up anyway.

I've never been entirely comfortable with these artificial days to show appreciation. A part of it is so contrived. (Mother's Day, Father's Day, Secretaries Day etc.) A small thoughtful jesture at other times of the year means so much more than one made out of guilt or duty. An unexpected phone call for no reason except to check up on Mom will speak volumes of your concern. If you visit, surprise her by washing her car, baking her favorite muffins or something similar. It doesn't matter what time of year it is. It's all about sharing a piece of yourself and showing you care.

 

[Cheyenne]

It doesn't matter what time of year it is. It's all about sharing a piece of yourself and showing you care.

Gifts are given to please the person you are giving the gift to. That means what they want is most important, not what you want. If getting a card on a holiday is important to the one you love, you should be sending a card. If it doesn't matter to him or her, then of course, go ahead and skip the card.

 

[Guest]

I'm glad things worked out. They always seem to in the end. This all happened for a reason, little fishy...

My wife actually saw her fucked up mother yesterday.. She lives 15 minutes away and has only seen our 2 1/2 y/o about 4-5 times.. She wrote her Mom a card a while back that said something like "you fucked me up more than you can comprehend, and you should be lucky I haven't killed you by now. Love, C". I think it wsa for her birthday.

Things can always get worse. And yours got better. Good thing Mom is cool, hey?