I dont know how to describe it.

[talkie]

I am having a real problem describing what I am looking for in a partner or what it is that I like to do in bdsm terms. I am not even sure if what I like quilifies as bdsm. I'll list some examples and maybe some of you can help me out.

I like to be rough when having sex. I will pull my partner's hair, bite her shoulders and neck (not hard enough that a mark is left). I have held her arms behind her or over her head so that she could not move away from my thrusting. I have tried fisting but I hav enot gotten my hand completly inside a girl before. I like to tie the girl down in some position. I have spanked only one girl before. She really like it and I enjoyed doing becouse of her reaction. I have a hard time not holding the girl's head when receiving a blow job so I can thrust deeper into her. I will pull back when I am about to cum so she does not choke. I pinch and bite her breast, nipples, labia, and clitors. And I thrust very hard once I am worked up. I also enjoy anal sex but I do have enough sence not to fuck as hard.

Ok, that's what I am like when having sex. Just to put any one's mind at easy I want to let you all know that I do understand the meaning of "NO" and "Stop that hurts!". I don't want to hurt the person I am haveing sex with. Not in a way she does not like or will do permant harm to her.

Now outside the bedroom I don't want to have to think for my partner or issue orders to her. I really want some on who has goals for herself and a plan on how to reach them. I would prefer that she think of herself as my equal so that she can tell me if things are not making her happy and what we can to about it.

I have never had the opportunity try anything like whips, chains, cuffs, cages, collars, and the like. With my ex-wife I was like just to get a viberator in bed to use on her. I am trying to read books and web sites like Lit so I can learn more. I am just very unsure about this and how to go about meeting a woman who has the same sexual interest that I do. Should I be looking for a submissive woman or someone just likes rough, forceful sex?

I check back on this thread Monday becouse I'll be out for the weekend. Thank you to anyone who post a reply in the mean time. See ya soon.

 

[Vixandra]

Welcome to this side of life.

Sounds to me like you're looking for a submissive who's sub qualities manefest mainly/only in the bedroom.
'Course I'll be the first to tell you that submitting does not mean you don't think for yourself. It means that you're strong and smart enough to offer that decision to another if they want itl Not that you're unable to think for yourself.

BDSM is what you make of it, be it a 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) or an in the bedroom Dom/slave relationship.
Goodluck.

 

[SubNebGuy]

I would say right now, you just like rough sex, but you lean towards dominancy/control.

BDSM is a very broad scope. In my marriage, I'm in charge most of the time. But a few times a month, the wife likes to take charge, and I'm the submissive one. She spanks me, fucks my ass with a toy or strapon, and prolongs the time I wait to ejaculate. She sometimes ties me up or blindfolds me.

But I do all of this to her too on other days.

And still other days we have 'vanilla sex'.

One might even argue we only roleplay the BDSM thing, but others would say we're included, just not deeply entrenched.

If you wanna experiment with bondage, go for it. Just make sure your girl is ok with it, and have a safe word, particularly if you delve into harder spanking or anything else that causes pain or discomfort.

Sex should always involve trust, IMO, and the more flavor you add to it, the more trust needed. (by flavor I mean stuff like anal, bdsm, roleplay, fetishes, etc)

 

[rosco rathbone]

You like rough sex, you are a bit toppish. I don't see that it has much to do with "bdsm".

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Explore while you're budding.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

I am in this boat too.Learning a lot by just reading the posts.Thanks everyone!I think I like it here.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I'm with Roscoe here....

Enjoying rough sex doesn't necessarily put you in the realm of BDSM. But if you are trying to fit into the BDSM realm, I would have to say that from what you described, you are more of a Top than a Dominant. And unless you enjoy inflicting pain (like I do), you probably don't fit as a sadist.

Nothing wrong with being a Top, I rather enjoy being toppy (which is what I do with subs/slaves who are not my own). My girl I will order around, others won't be so lucky! *Grin*

Welcome to the family!

 

[talkie]

Thank everyone for your replies. I will think about what all of you said.

 

[DVS]

Thank everyone for your replies. I will think about what all of you said.

While I do agree it sounds mostly like you enjoy rough sex, that does come close to a control thing and that is a part of BDSM.

Not that you enjoy BDSM for itself, as it can involve dominating as well as controlling your sex partner. And, from dominating, it can go to aspects of punishment or orgasm denial and things like that.

I'd say you only enjoy being in charge during the sexual act itself and for now, that's it. But, you could find you enjoy more down the road, or your sexual partner could ask for more. Just keep and open mind and let your tastes evolve. If they do, they do. And, if they don't, there's nothing wrong with that, either.

 

[HL55]

Hope This Helps

talkie, yes sounds like D/s BDSM is that which u seek... Realizing that D/s BDSM encompasses a LARGE open ended buffet, one takes that which appeals an leaves the rest alone.. An old friend calls it the Baskin Robbins Theory (try searching in geocities author is Rover). There are many sites an communities that can help you to define what it is u want/need/desire anbd give you the tools to help u discuss an yes play/experiment with your SO. Belong to quite a few of them myself, have for yrs, and ahve been fortuante enough to have met an knonw many both o/l an r/kl who also seek to educate an promte Safe Sane an Consenual play.... Please fel freeeeeeee to PM or email if I can help with sites comms an books ( Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns) is one such others are there too an do not discount writings from the leather gay comm many there ahve ben doing this for decades now just swicth textual genders to match your own fit...
pax
HL