I dont get it!Advise please!

[strumpet25]

First of all i would like to say hello to everyone from me a brand new user here at literotica At the same time i have a confusing delima and you guys seem to give good advise, so heres my story..

I met this guy about alittle over a year ago and we hit it off right away and became close friends. We had tons in common and spent the first few months of our relationship talking on the phone non stop. He would call in the morning to just say Hi, in the afternoon to chat, and every night we would talk for hours. Even from work and when something happend i was the first person he told.We were very flirty with each other and spoke of things we were interested sexually in doing together. All those good things you talk about when your really close and attracted to someone..

After a few months of course i hinted about wanting more then friendship but he told me after all the really bad relationships he had been in he wanted to take things slow with me. I completely understood and our friendship went on as usual.

A week in the beginning of summer he started to act strangely towards me. All the frequent phone calls stopped and the only time we spoke was when i called or left a message. That same weekend he told me he met someone and he really felt a bond with her and she was now his girlfriend. They had been talking for a week online and met in person that Saturday and became exclusive that same day! He had known me about 6 months then..

I was heart broken but as mad as i was we were just friends and i had no claim.He hardly talked to me after that and when we spoke it was strained because we couldnt flirt and be affectionate anymore. After about a month all the sudden he called early in the afternoon, something he hadnt done in weeks. The phone calls started once again became frequent and i soon learned the relationship wasnt working out. He told me when he had sex with her (which wasnt often) he thought of me. He caught himself almost saying my name in bed and called her by my name once in conversation. He also masterbated thinking about me.

Of course they broke up and around August we started to talk alot again and spent every weekend together. I felt really close to him, even fell in love but didnt tell him that. Things were going along great, I spent the night with him on weekends and we didnt have sex to take things slowly. Once in his sleep he told me he loved me, i know he was just sleeping but i didnt think you could lie in your sleep. We did make out though and he got quite a few mind blowing blow jobs which were really fun

This is where things get confusing. Last week the phone calls started comming less and less until i wasnt talking to him at all. When i called no one answerd or he told me he was tired. Turns out he had met someone that Monday, and once again after knowing her for less then a few days she was his exclusive girlfriend!
The story was exactly the same, he met her and there was an instant bond. They had so much in common, blah blah. I swear this is the exact same thing that happend with the other girl and she turned out to be completely wrong for him in every way. He couldnt stand her in the end and regreted even meeting her.
Im sorry but i just dont understand how you can forget about someone you spent so much time talking with and being close to. We shared everything, things he hadnt told anyone he told me.It wasnt just sex and i didnt feel used for blow jobs at all. This girlfriend thing just came out of the sky. Im so confused i dont even know what to make of this and frankly im in shock. I dont know if i should hate him or what.
He says he still wants to be friends with me and im speical.When i told him i would miss him when we wouldnt be talking as much he said he would miss me too. I got really mad and I dont know if i can talk to him at all anymore, im so hurt and betrayed. It feels like he still cares about me but i dont know what happend. Once again we were just offically friends and i cant be mad because he met someone else.
I dont know about you guys but before i date someone exclusive i get to know them first. I cant understand why he keeps attaching himself to women he hardly knows just because they have a few key things in common. Why does he do that when we know each other so well and we get along perfect in every way you can think of? Even when it comes to sex. I have never met someone as kinky and open minded as me that was normal lol.
Im really upset about this because i have lost my best friend and the person i thought i would be closer to soon. All the plans we made all the things we talked about doing together wont happen now. We dont even hardly talk. Is he confused? Am I stupid? I know im not, i didnt imagine him holding me in his sleep, or all the fun we had laughing together.
I thought maybe he is scared of being with me because he knows how well it will work out. He has a history of starting relationships with girls after knowing them and few days and it always ends really bad. I think this is about the 3rd or 4th time he has done this. I dont know what to do or think. If anyone reads this whats your opinion?? Thankyou so much..

 

[cuz cracker]

dear lady i did not finish reading your thread. i did not have to.
i am sorry to be the first one if sombody doesn't beat me to it to tell you this.

he is using you as a standby. he is one of the lowest forms of man there is. kick the bastard in the balls and tell him to go to hell!

and find out why you put up with this shit. read some books on relationships. please!

 

[cuz cracker]

come on ladies help her out.

 

[lilminx]

Ok- here's some help- lol

dear lady i did not finish reading your thread. i did not have to.
i am sorry to be the first one if sombody doesn't beat me to it to tell you this.

he is using you as a standby. he is one of the lowest forms of man there is. kick the bastard in the balls and tell him to go to hell!

and find out why you put up with this shit. read some books on relationships. please!

What she said...

 

[cuz cracker]

sorry to burst your bubble lilminx but!

this is the first time i have ever been called a she!

i assure you i am all man.

i've just been over the hill and down thru the holler so to speak.

and met a few lowlifes acting like men along the way.

 

[lilminx]

Re: sorry to burst your bubble lilminx but!

this is the first time i have ever been called a she!

i assure you i am all man.

Oops- my bad- I'm really sorry- I'm tired and wasn't paying attention...

 

[Guest]

I'm sorry for your pain, sweetie but you were simply, used. If anyone would willingly treat you in that manner, well, they are not worth the effort. I would attempt to move past this and be thankful you will no longer be a substitute.
Good luck!

 

[cuz cracker]

no problem. sometimies it is hard to tell who is what and sometimies that changes.

 

[koalabear]

If you like being used, stay with him........

 

[Kymberley]

strumpet....

Don't be there the next time. Put yourself back on that pedastal he took you off of, and realize that you are not some stand by waiting for him to see your worth.

Ask yourself this, and put aside the fact that you truly care for him; what if this was your best friend asking for the exact same advice? What would you tell her? Would you tell her to just put on her happy face and sexiest dress and wait for him to wash up and come back to her? Or would you tell her to forget the scumbag and find a man who is worthy of her?

I see so many of my friends willing to allow some man to put them on hold while they seek what they feel is something better. Then when the something better turns out to be nothing at all, they rush back claiming to need her, and she is so lonely for his attention, she falls for it, hook, line and sinker.

Are you really just a pussy waiting for his cock? Sorry to be so blunt. Are you a woman who is wanting love so badly that she will so willingly accept sloppy seconds?

Sweety, blow him off now, don't return his future phone calls when his new soulmate finds out that he has no soul and is completely heartless. Find the man whose heart burns for you, not just you right now.

Good luck, cry a few more times, then call block his phone number and go on with life realizing what a treasure you would be to a man searching for your riches.

 

[Gilly Bean]

If he honestly cared about you, he wouldn't be 'toying' with you like he is.

 

[La Huesera]

I had something like this happen to me when I was 17... I fell for the guy with long hair..ear ring..etc. (Hey...it was 1987..lol) Anyway, the moment his "lay of the week" left he was back at my door wanting to be friends. Then, the next time he "wanted some" he would find the next one and I would be out again. The whole time he kept telling me he wanted to be friends, but knew how I felt... and would play on that... and knew that the next time he needed a running buddy I was there with the car that ran and an ear that would listen...and money for beer. I will give him some credit, we never had sex... about as far as it got was kissing and a little hand action. My guess is this guy is a little older then you and you make him feel "special" because you care for him and listen to him like others don't. The girls that he is going out with might be older and won't take his shit.. thats why they don't stay together. It took me three years to get over the a-hole that I was stuck on... do you know what did the trick??? He and his brothers g/f went to the bank and did not come back for a week. When they came back, they were married. They are now divorced and he is married again to some other thing... and they live with his mother. Thank God somethings don't work out.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

this is something that someone i really care about sent me once in an email.. i found it very helpful when i was really down about not being able to be with someone that i fell in love with.. i eventually got over it, and it was hard... but this was rather inspirational



~*No One Waits Forever*~
Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss
someone is when they are right beside you and yet you
can never have them.....when the moment you can't feel
them under your fingertips you miss them?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying
something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing
and wishing you had? I guess the most important things
are the hardest things to say. They are the things you
get ashamed of because words diminish them, words
shrink things that seemed timeless when they were in
your head...to no more than living size when they are
brought out....

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...but if you
don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple
because you were so afraid of losing what you already
had with that person? Your heart decides who it likes
and who it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to
do. It does it on its own....when you least suspect
it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything
you had, but that other person was too afraid to let
you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too
afraid to care too much...for fear that the other
person does not care as much, or at all.

Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely
no idea whatsoever? Or fell for your best-friend in
the entire world, and then sat around and watched
him/her fall for someone else? Have you ever denied
your feelings for someone because your fear of
rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid....afraid of what we
don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid
of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie.... the thing we fear
grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to
look back and wonder what they would have, or could
have had.

No one waits forever...

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I have to agree with the rest - you are being used. He is using both you and the other women.

At first I was leaning towards saying the guy might not be doing it on purpose, but after thinking about it - I strongly doubt it. Even if it was subconcious - someone who would be that insensitive to your feelings has to be a total flake and deserves to be left alone anyway.

I have know guys like that - my ex-brother in law often had two or three women going at the same time, and he thought nothing of it, even when he really cared about one of them, he would have another in line, or be cheating on one or both of them.

This guy isn't so much cheating as he is using you as a backup. Flirting with multiple women (or men) may be okay such as happens on this BB, especially if the two parties are just getting to know each other and there is no comittment yet (and that is understood by all concerned). But getting so deeply involved as to actually date and oral sex, that is way beyond just getting to know someone you just met.

Delete everything you have on this guy - his phone number, his address, his name. Change your number, don't tell him if you move. Forget him big time so you won't ever be tempted to contact him again in a weak moment. There is no doubt that in the future he will eventually drop his current girlfriend and try to come back to you until he finds his next love at first sight.

FInd someone else, there are a lot of very nice guys out there that wouldn't dream of doing that to you - go find one. He isn't worth your time and love.

PS - just to be equal, women do this crap too; I had an old girl friend who did this to me several times when I was in my teens and twenties. The second time was when she got bored with her husband - what a mess!

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

sorry

that is a shame someone would even do that.take care and find someone else.

 

[Problem Child]

I didn't read it because it was too freakin' long.

 

[strumpet25]

Thanks all the advice guys and dont worry i wont be waiting around for him or anything. I may be hurt but im not stupid. Its sucks that i sorta lost my best friend but he made his choice and im done with him and i can live with that.

On the other note, im going to continue to keep in touch with him....no not because im some stupid woman waiting around for him to come back to me. But because i want to be right in line to hear that they broke up, then i can laugh about it. Maybe he will beg for me to come back to him telling me he made a mistake....well good cause then i can tell him he is a asshole and if he needs me he can jerk off to my picture. Its a good plan

 

[GuyJD]

I'm with Cracker, I didn't have to read any further to realize that he's either young, confused, or both.

Dump him and find someone who would pay more attention to you regularly and not once in a while.

 

[AusTess]

Can you say B A S T A R D really loudly?
Loud enough for him to hear you.
And when he asks you what you said,Tell him Tess says you're an arsehole.*l*
Run away,now,very very fast.

 

[beckbabe]

I didn't read it because it was too freakin' long.

You need to be rode hard and put away wet.

 

[Mischka]

On the other note, im going to continue to keep in touch with him....Its a good plan

Honestly, it's not a good plan. I read through your whole post, and I don't think the guy is a complete jerk, but he is immature and unwilling/unable to commit to a serious relationship. He seeks out these flash in the pan relationships because he knows they are not going to work. He uses you as his stabilizing element - as long as he can keep coming back to you, he can convince himself that he knows what a real relationship might look like. As long as you support him in between the relationships, the longer he will continue the behavior.

And that doesn't begin to address the impact this roller coaster ride is having on your self-esteem or social life. The only way you can move on to better things is to move on. Like everyone here has already said, as much as it might suck, you have to cut all ties to him. You already know that he'll dump the current flavor of the week - why do you need to stick around to here it? You have to admit you're secretly hoping that he'll come back to you and maybe this time it'll really work out. But it won't. It never will.

Good luck,

Mischka