Emotional love is very, very important to me. And while I'm not really attracted to men physically, I could see a physical attraction growing from a deep emotional connection regardless of gender. Anyone else feel the same?
Emotional love is very, very important to me. And while I'm not really attracted to men physically, I could see a physical attraction growing from a deep emotional connection regardless of gender. Anyone else feel the same?
I wouldn't say I was quite the same. Emotional attachment is pretty much the same. However, I always was attracted to certain types of guys: Masculine, Muscular, Hairy, and some tan lines were always a plus. However, I was never attracted to penises. If I were the Creator, I would have created something that was ALL male, except a tight vagina & womb instead of a penis. The ultimate to be able to impregnate such a creature. Someone might think I wanted a F2M. However, most of the pictures I have seen of that they were rather small boned and usually not extremely hairy...
All that above is my physical ideal. Of course seldom does anybody match someone's sexual ideal. I have love men in the past, most of them weren't a perfect physical match. What made the difference was that because there was an emotional attachment, I could be attracted outside my ideal.
Of course, there are limits to how much emotional attachment can turn to a sexual desire. For instance, I remember a really nice guy who was very short and slender -- to the point that he bought clothing in the "boys" section (not the men's). I fell asleep once after sex with him and he was on top of me. Sometime during that night, I woke up and freaked out thinking that I had just molested a child. (Kind of the same disorientation that one may get when they wake up and think it's morning even though it is actually evening.) Still a nice guy that I got it on with a few times, but I could never imagine waking up daily with him because that mental pic of him being a child freaked me out.
Another example, there are some "nice" guys who are very feminine. I remember one such guy during my college years who kind of nursed me when I had the flu. He had a women's pitched voice, and a bit of a pear shaped ass. Nice guy, but sexually one time was one time too many. We remained friends while he was around, but I couldn't get it up for him.
Third area, I would also say that also sexual compatibality can also make a difference. I could emotionally love someone, but if we weren't compatible, then sex just wouldn't last. For instance, I'm a top. The last time I was on bottom was 1985 and I don't miss it one bit. When I was young, I thought I had to be versatile because a top required that you be hung like a horse. Never once did I enjoy it. My whole experience with penises was rather disappointing. To the point that I went through a delima of wanting a man's love, yet not really wanting his penis. I wondered if I somehow was some closet freak because supposedly a gay/bi guy is supposed to crave cock. That was the FURTHEST thing from my desire -- especially after I had plenty of samplings. Yet at the same time, I craved a man's love -- and I don't mean a pat on the shoulder or a big brother to hang out with. I wanted physical closeness...
I was lucky that after a few years of man2man sex under my belt, I realized just how varied male sexuality is from person to person. There are plenty of masculine guys who are perfectly satisfied with being on bottom. The love of my life is that way. I sometimes worry that he doesn't get off enough. (I try to get him off with my hands, but it is soo difficult. I worry about this because I know that you are more likely to develop prostate problems if you don't get release now and then.)
As to love regardless of gender, I probably could have been "bi". However, I probably would have always leaned to the gay side as the need for male love was always stronger. I never saw that so much as genetic as the fact that i always had plenty of non-sexual love from females growing up, but any non-sexual love from men was non-existing. I'm not saying that homosexuality is due to no love from the father figure as that over-simplication is as lacking as saying that heterosexuality is due to lack of love from the mother figure. I'm just saying that I leaned more towards the gay direction because it filled a gap in my heart.
My only regret is that I didn't sire kids. Though many people (any gender, any preference) are content with not having children, it was always a strong desire to sire kids. With age, it seems even stronger as I think about all the wonderful stories I have of family. It really isn't an option for me (not only because I'm in love with the same sex, but because my fertility is VERY low). On the other hand, had I gone straight, it may not have been fair to a woman. I could do it, but it probably wouldn't have had the same amount of intensity of feeling that anybody man or woman deserves from a partner.
