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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

I could use some cheering up...

Q: What do you call a bunch of hippie women in a hot tub?
A: Gorillas in the mist.

Cheers! ;)
 
a woodpecker was flying around near a birch tree and a beech tree when the birch tree said "Hey woodpecker? C'mere a sec."
so the wood pecker flew over and the beech tree said "We can't tell whether that little sapling down there is a son of a birch or a son of a beech. Could you please fly down there and settle it for us?"
so the woodpecker flies down and they hear him knocking on the side of the sapling. a few minutes later he comes flying back up and he says "Sorry fellas, but that little sapling down there is the best piece of ash I've ever stuck my pecker into."
 
maggot420 said:
a woodpecker was flying around near a birch tree and a beech tree when the birch tree said "Hey woodpecker? C'mere a sec."
so the wood pecker flew over and the beech tree said "We can't tell whether that little sapling down there is a son of a birch or a son of a beech. Could you please fly down there and settle it for us?"
so the woodpecker flies down and they hear him knocking on the side of the sapling. a few minutes later he comes flying back up and he says "Sorry fellas, but that little sapling down there is the best piece of ash I've ever stuck my pecker into."
Click to expand...


Hehe.

SJ
 
elizabethwest said:
It did for me. :) You're stuck with mags, btw... :D
Click to expand...
its kinda feminine dont you think?...oh well. ive been called much worse.;)


A newfie walks into the grocery store and he says "I want a half head of lettuce." the clerk says "We dont sell half heads of lettuce. Only whole heads of lettuce." The newfie gets really angry and they start arguing until finally the clerk gives up and says "Fine, I'll go get you a half head of lettuce." He grabs a head of lettuce and storms into the back, he picks up a cleaver and hacks the head of lettuce in half. The manger is standing there and when he sees the clerks' attack on the lettuce, he says "What's wrong?"
The clerk, not realizing the newfie had followed him, says "Some asshole wants a half a head of lettuce..." as he turns he sees the newfie and quickly recovers "...and this gentleman here would like the other half."
The newfie departs happily and the manager says to the clerk "Wow that was a nice recovery. You must be a very bright guy. We're opening a new grocery store in Sudbury and I think you might just be the guy to run it. What do you say? The clerk says "Sudbury. Only whores and hockey players live in Sudbury." The manager, looking very offended, says menacingly "My sister lives in Sudbury"
The clerk smiles a friendly smile and says "What team does she play for?"
 
I'll try and behave...;)

Ok, back on track here.

On the last day of his fishing trip, the priest hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The TTMB guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.


While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch."

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch!" she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop’s dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no! , no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish".

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch. "

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect.

The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, "You Mother Fuckers are my kind of people."
 
Last edited:
Two women were sitting having tea when the one sees her husband coming home with flowers in his hand. "Damn." she says angrily.
The other woman says "I would be happy if my husband brought me home flowers" The first woman says "Every time he comes home with flowers I end up on my back with my legs in the air"
The second woman says "Why don't you just get a vase?"
 
Last edited:
maggot420 said:
Two women were sitting having tea when the one sees her husband coming home with flowers in his hand. "Damn." she says angrily.
The other woman says "I would be happy if my husband brought me home flowers" The first woman says "Every time he comes home with flowers I end up on my back with my legs in the air"
The second woman says "Why don't you just get a vase?"
Click to expand...
Snagging jokes from the same thread? :D
 
A joke for SJ.

A preacher is at home when the area he lives in starts to flood. Soon the water is up to his front porch.

Someone drives up in a Jeep and yells, "Reverend! The water's going to get a lot higher. We have to get out of here!"

The preacher says, "Go ahead and rescue someone else. I trust in The Lord to look after me."

Several hours later, the water is up to the second floor of his home. A boat comes up and the pilot yells, "Reverend! This isn't the end of it. The flooding's going to get much worse. You have to come with me."

The preacher refuses. "There are others that need your help. I trust in The Lord."

Before long, the preacher is on the roof of his house with the water lapping at his feet. A helicopter comes overhead and a rope is lowered. "Reverend!" shouts the man in the copter, "You have to leave now! This isn't the end."

The preacher shouts back. "Help others. I trust in The Lord."

Soon the preacher is standing in front of St. Peter. "I don't understand," he says. "I've always trusted in The Lord to look after me."

St. Peter gives him a strange look. "We sent a Jeep, a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

Hope you have a good day, sophia.
 
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