i could have been someone

[Gave Up]

here's something i just wrote on the spot, kinda fits my mood right now, any thoughts would be helpful.



i thought i found myself
didn't need to stay
i thought i found myself
really did lose my way

seven years wasted skin
turned to things i thought i believed in
looking back all i can see
are things that really did hurt me

nothing left worth my weight
nothing here but pain and hate
sitting alone, wondering how
can't believe i am still here now

illusions of what i could be
crystal ice has covered the sea
no one around to tell me why
sit on the clouds way up high

lost my way today
couldn't find it anyway
died fighting this war
i don't know who i am anymore

nothing left worth my weight
nothing here but pain and hate
sitting alone, wondering how
can't believe i am still here now

i look back and see all i have done
realized i lost every single one
stayed away hoping for a new day
i know that i can but i lose anyway

i could have been someone
i could have been someone
i could have been someone
i should have been someone




personally i think the 'pain and hate' line is stupid...but that's just me....

 

[flyguy69]

...
personally i think the 'pain and hate' line is stupid...but that's just me....

So why did you put it in?


It might make a good song lyric, but as a poem it goes on awfully long to say "I could'a been a contender, Charlie"

 

[Gave Up]

So why did you put it in?


It might make a good song lyric, but as a poem it goes on awfully long to say "I could'a been a contender, Charlie"

like i said, i did it on the spot. and lol on the reference, heh heh.

 

[flyguy69]

like i said, i did it on the spot. and lol on the reference, heh heh.

Now put some chords to it!

 

[Gave Up]

Now put some chords to it!

i would if i didn't feel so defeated right now.

 

[flyguy69]

i would if i didn't feel so defeated right now.

Buck up, Malloy!

 

[Guest]

Buck up, Malloy!

........................

 

[wildsweetone]

here's something i just wrote on the spot, kinda fits my mood right now, any thoughts would be helpful.



i thought i found myself
didn't need to stay
i thought i found myself
really did lose my way

seven years wasted skin
turned to things i thought i believed in
looking back all i can see
are things that really did hurt me

nothing left worth my weight
nothing here but pain and hate
sitting alone, wondering how
can't believe i am still here now

illusions of what i could be
crystal ice has covered the sea
no one around to tell me why
sit on the clouds way up high

lost my way today
couldn't find it anyway
died fighting this war
i don't know who i am anymore

nothing left worth my weight
nothing here but pain and hate
sitting alone, wondering how
can't believe i am still here now

i look back and see all i have done
realized i lost every single one
stayed away hoping for a new day
i know that i can but i lose anyway

i could have been someone
i could have been someone
i could have been someone
i should have been someone




personally i think the 'pain and hate' line is stupid...but that's just me....

you are someone. you're a song writer and you have the ability to share your thoughts with people who love your music and your lyrics.

write another song and then tomorrow, come back to this one and see if you feel it needs working on.



a question for you (no need to answer me)... what does 'seven years wasted skin' mean? does it need further embellishment in the song?

 

[Gave Up]

you are someone. you're a song writer and you have the ability to share your thoughts with people who love your music and your lyrics.

write another song and then tomorrow, come back to this one and see if you feel it needs working on.



a question for you (no need to answer me)... what does 'seven years wasted skin' mean? does it need further embellishment in the song?

seven years wasted skin refers to the 7 years i spent as a drug addict. i am feeling very fragile over the fact that i am entering into the 'nearing 30' catagory next week and have fuck all to show for it because of drugs. i have no education (i DO have highschool) no career, and nothing to fall back on. and i should have at least something by this fucking age.

 

[bluerains]

here's something i just wrote on the spot, kinda fits my mood right now, any thoughts would be helpful.



i thought i found myself
didn't need to stay
i thought i found myself
really did lose my way

seven years wasted skin
turned to things i thought i believed in
looking back all i can see
are things that really did hurt me

nothing left worth my weight
nothing here but pain and hate
sitting alone, wondering how
can't believe i am still here now

illusions of what i could be
crystal ice has covered the sea
no one around to tell me why
sit on the clouds way up high

lost my way today
couldn't find it anyway
died fighting this war
i don't know who i am anymore

nothing left worth my weight
nothing here but pain and hate
sitting alone, wondering how
can't believe i am still here now

i look back and see all i have done
realized i lost every single one
stayed away hoping for a new day
i know that i can but i lose anyway

i could have been someone
i could have been someone
i could have been someone
i should have been someone




personally i think the 'pain and hate' line is stupid...but that's just me....

this has a nice rhythm...natural flow ...am feeling that "the nothing here but pain and hate" could use a bit of metaphor such as nothing here but, a hive of stinging hate..something long those lines gives it more unique aura...but, I am a bit into the hive of things at time...nice work..

 

[Gave Up]

this has a nice rhythm...natural flow ...am feeling that "the nothing here but pain and hate" could use a bit of metaphor such as nothing here but, a hive of stinging hate..something long those lines gives it more unique aura...but, I am a bit into the hive of things at time...nice work..

thanks! that helps actually!

 

[bluerains]

ur welcome.. I know I know am in edit...

thanks! that helps actually!

just thought of this tune...had to pass it on...


Blues Traveler - Hook Lyrics
It doesn't matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that I'll convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But I've said nothing so far
And I can keep it up as long as it takes
And it don't matter who you are
If I'm doing my job, it's your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I don't mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow?
Was that the hook brings you back
I ain't telling you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin
to see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I can't keep these feelings on the shelf
I tried, well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities to the ground
I've found I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
That's really all this was
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck because
The hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely
one just need a hook to work with...and now you will build a fortress in song...

 

[Maria2394]

good luck with your writing

 

[bluerains]

bouncing off

ty...

 

[Maria2394]

the rules say...we must not...break..the prime directive....as a traveler amist the steam...I say ...this is a truth...among reality....

Im so sorry! did I say something wrong?

 

[bluerains]

there is no right , wrong...

am sorry ...my record was erased...and am not going to rethread it...sorry maria...the hive is alive...

 

[My Erotic Tale]

seven years wasted skin refers to the 7 years i spent as a drug addict. i am feeling very fragile over the fact that i am entering into the 'nearing 30' catagory next week and have fuck all to show for it because of drugs. i have no education (i DO have highschool) no career, and nothing to fall back on. and i should have at least something by this fucking age.

The search for contentment rages strong...longing tranquility and inner peace for a man needs nothing more than a robe, a bowl and a soul to survive. Finding riches in the golden morning sun and silver in the stars. While others seek it elsewhere. If you have trained your body to feed on substance then you can't change that over night, but feed it you must for it to feel fulfilled, feed it a flower to the power of poetry, eat the words of a great write that stirs the soul to forget it has less than a robe, a bowl and a soul. <grin>

me ..I need more...like a computer ...no robe...a steak and some would argue my soul <grin> have a great day and welcome to lit poetry....one more thing...you haven't given up on your self, your still here.

Art~

 

[Gave Up]

The search for contentment rages strong...longing tranquility and inner peace for a man needs nothing more than a robe, a bowl and a soul to survive. Finding riches in the golden morning sun and silver in the stars. While others seek it elsewhere. If you have trained your body to feed on substance then you can't change that over night, but feed it you must for it to feel fulfilled, feed it a flower to the power of poetry, eat the words of a great write that stirs the soul to forget it has less than a robe, a bowl and a soul. <grin>

me ..I need more...like a computer ...no robe...a steak and some would argue my soul <grin> have a great day and welcome to lit poetry....one more thing...you haven't given up on your self, your still here.

Art~

hmm...very well written. i understand what you are saying, and do realize it. perhaps it's the reason i am so depressed right now. my body is wondering where the numbness it's gotten used to has gone.

and as far as given up on your self, i am still here, but i don't know for how much longer. i can't seem to shake this slump. a week and a half of a constant depression isn't and never was like me.

 

[wildsweetone]

okay dear, you can do one of several things...

you can stay where you are and existence will continue on as it is.

you can make an appointment and go and see your doctor and ask for help.

you can top yourself and put yourself out of your misery, but i want to know how you're going to do it and when and where.

you can write it all out. everything you're feeling and everything you're not feeling. just write.

you can find a family member and confide in them your difficulties at the moment.

you can ring a random number and talk to whoever will listen until you feel different than right now.

you can surround yourself with kindness.

you can take a step back and lower the expectations you have of your self just until you are able to join in life again.

you can find people online who will listen and try to help you to learn what you need to do next.

none of us can do this stuff for you (much as some of us would like to), you have to sit down and make some choices for yourself at this point.

My Erotic Tale is right, there is comfortableness in simplicity. move to the bare essentials of existence and from there learn what is important in life.

i hope something in here helps a little. my thoughts and prayers are with you. take good care of your self okay. you're a good person.

*hug*

 

[Gave Up]

okay dear, you can do one of several things...

you can stay where you are and existence will continue on as it is.

i have a great deal of fear of this. cause then i think the depression will just get worse and worse, cyclical, etc

you can make an appointment and go and see your doctor and ask for help.

doctors will only prescribe medication. and i have known enough people fucked up because of anti-depressants that i just don't want to be like that.

you can top yourself and put yourself out of your misery, but i want to know how you're going to do it and when and where.

that's not something i am prepared to talk about.

you can write it all out. everything you're feeling and everything you're not feeling. just write.

that's what i have been doing as best i can, but i am losing the motivation on putting things down. i was writing 2 or 3 incomplete songs a week, i am now down to one, if that.

you can find a family member and confide in them your difficulties at the moment.

my family has a hand in the problem at hand, so no.

you can ring a random number and talk to whoever will listen until you feel different than right now.

lol. that made me laugh actually thanks

you can surround yourself with kindness.

oh? where do i find this? because thus far, i am quite literally alone. go ahead, ask what i did this weekend.

you can take a step back and lower the expectations you have of your self just until you are able to join in life again.

but i don't have the time to try and rebuild my life

you can find people online who will listen and try to help you to learn what you need to do next.

depending on online people isn't healthy.

none of us can do this stuff for you (much as some of us would like to), you have to sit down and make some choices for yourself at this point.

i know. it's just fighting this everyday gets VERY draining.

i hope something in here helps a little. my thoughts and prayers are with you. take good care of your self okay. you're a good person.

how do you know i am a good person?

*hug*

thanks

 

[wildsweetone]

some medication when used appropriately can be helpful.

you have a fear that your depression will become worse. is it a rational fear or irrational?

without online support in the last little while, i wouldn't be here. so it does have it's place in our lives if we wish it to.

we can be alone no matter what we do on our weekends or during our evenings and no matter how many people surround us. being alone is okay. being lonely is not so good if we don't like it. and if you don't like it then what can you do to alter the situation?

sometimes for some of us, writing is cyclic. we can write madly for a week (or a day or an hour) and then nothing for a month. some can write madly for a month and then nothing for the next six. we are all different, all unique and all have different environments... these elements make our writing unique to each of us. it's easier to accept how your writing is at the moment, than to worry about how it used to be, or how it might be tomorrow.

live in the moment. concentrate on each separate action you do in each moment you do it. let the worries of the past and future just sit on the back burner until you can live in the moment for a little while. practise doing that with one task for a few days. concentrate on absolutely nothing except what each movement of your body is doing and what you are accomplishing each time you do it. it can take a while to learn how to do this effectively.

you say you don't have time to try and rebuild your life. i have lots of questions about this. and some thoughts of my own. i am in my 40s and i spend a little time each day rebuilding and reassessing my self. that's just part of what i am. i think lots of people do it unconsciously. i also think, if you care about yourself, then you need to make the time. you're a worthwhile person. you have a gift of music, of lyrics that you can help others understand life. look after your self so you are able to share your gift to the best of your own ability.

how do i know you're a good person?

you haven't sworn at me yet.

 

[Gave Up]

some medication when used appropriately can be helpful.

you have a fear that your depression will become worse. is it a rational fear or irrational?

without online support in the last little while, i wouldn't be here. so it does have it's place in our lives if we wish it to.

we can be alone no matter what we do on our weekends or during our evenings and no matter how many people surround us. being alone is okay. being lonely is not so good if we don't like it. and if you don't like it then what can you do to alter the situation?

sometimes for some of us, writing is cyclic. we can write madly for a week (or a day or an hour) and then nothing for a month. some can write madly for a month and then nothing for the next six. we are all different, all unique and all have different environments... these elements make our writing unique to each of us. it's easier to accept how your writing is at the moment, than to worry about how it used to be, or how it might be tomorrow.

live in the moment. concentrate on each separate action you do in each moment you do it. let the worries of the past and future just sit on the back burner until you can live in the moment for a little while. practise doing that with one task for a few days. concentrate on absolutely nothing except what each movement of your body is doing and what you are accomplishing each time you do it. it can take a while to learn how to do this effectively.

you say you don't have time to try and rebuild your life. i have lots of questions about this. and some thoughts of my own. i am in my 40s and i spend a little time each day rebuilding and reassessing my self. that's just part of what i am. i think lots of people do it unconsciously. i also think, if you care about yourself, then you need to make the time. you're a worthwhile person. you have a gift of music, of lyrics that you can help others understand life. look after your self so you are able to share your gift to the best of your own ability.

how do i know you're a good person?

you haven't sworn at me yet.

re: rebuilding. my father sees me as a failure and he only has a short time left. he is dying. i hated the man since my high school days, and i still do, but fuck him, i don't want him dying thinking his son was exactly what he thought i was.

and i don't know if i truely DO have the gift of music. that's part of my problem. i djed for 9 years, but djing isn't actual talent. it does take skill to do it, but to go from djing to producing is like comparing apples to oranges. and i am having a VERY hard time w this. and to get where i would have a relatively easy time w it, would take years of schooling, if i could even get in that is, my credit is shit. so getting money for school would be near impossible. and i worked out what it'll take to pay off my debts. at least 7 fucking years. so i can be in my 40's w MAYBE a chance at a career (if you add years to pay off debt with years of school) in music, which as we all know is next to impossible to break into, especially if you don't have years of experience playing out....etc....

add that to literally sitting by myself everynight wishing i was someone else and you get a great deal of depression.

 

[wildsweetone]

i am very sorry to hear your dad is dying. i hope he goes peacefully.

where there's a will, there's a way. you're from the States? which one?

woops i see you're from canada. hmm okay... which Province?

 

[Gave Up]

where there's a will, there's a way. you're from the States? which one?

woops i see you're from canada. hmm okay... which Province?

saskatchewan. and originally my parents are from the states, florida and chicago.

 

[wildsweetone]

would you have any difficulty getting to Ontario?