I am teeing up

[A Desert Rose]

and have pulled out my 7iron.

I am wondering about criticism, specifically, how you dispense it and how you recieve it. Where do you do it, i.e publicaly or privately? How does it relate in the D/s relationship, if that happens to be your lifestyle choice? How do you handle it in any romantic and/or sexual relationship? I don't even mind input on criticism in the workplace. Take it where you want to, if you want to.

 

[Ebonyfire]

and have pulled out my 7iron.

I am wondering about criticism, specifically, how you dispense it and how you recieve it. Where do you do it, i.e publicaly or privately? How does it relate in the D/s relationship, if that happens to be your lifestyle choice? How do you handle it in any romantic and/or sexual relationship? I don't even mind input on criticism in the workplace. Take it where you want to, if you want to.

I only deal with what bothers Me. I use lots of "I" language such as "I do not not like it when you do...... it makes me feel...... and I want to .......

That is mostly used for my vanilla relationships.

In D/s, I am in charge so criticism is not what I use. I use correction. This means if my sub is doing something in error I correct his behaviour. Why criticize him, when I can have more fun humiliating him, which is what he craves anyway. I call it a win win situation.

Ebony

 

[SexyChele]

Ah yes, I do dispense criticism, yes siree I do. I try to be constructive about it, though. And I try to keep it focused, and even though I might be "upset", I try to reign in those feelings so I can stay level-headed. I also try not to criticize in public, but rather I prefer to talk to the person privately.

I expect the same considerations from others. I can accept constructive criticism - have learned to ever since I started publishing stories! But "ranting" is something I do not tolerate, and have no fear of telling some one to simple "shut up" if that is what they are doing. (And yes, I may even tell a Dominant that, as I look at it as a sign of loss of control)

I do believe you receive criticism in all facets of life. Work is kinda expected. Shit happens, you deal with it, and move on. In matters of the heart, it is important to consider the feelings of the other person, as people can get hurt very easily.

But then, Eb's approach might be the very thing some one is looking for, so who knows!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ah yes, I do dispense criticism, yes siree I do. I try to be constructive about it, though. And I try to keep it focused, and even though I might be "upset", I try to reign in those feelings so I can stay level-headed. I also try not to criticize in public, but rather I prefer to talk to the person privately.

I expect the same considerations from others. I can accept constructive criticism - have learned to ever since I started publishing stories! But "ranting" is something I do not tolerate, and have no fear of telling some one to simple "shut up" if that is what they are doing. (And yes, I may even tell a Dominant that, as I look at it as a sign of loss of control)

I do believe you receive criticism in all facets of life. Work is kinda expected. Shit happens, you deal with it, and move on. In matters of the heart, it is important to consider the feelings of the other person, as people can get hurt very easily.

But then, Eb's approach might be the very thing some one is looking for, so who knows!

My approach has to do with A) why I have subs in the first place, and B) what I expect from them. I spend a lot of time interviewing and choosing subs, so I do not have to criticize.

It is My world.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

My approach has to do with A) why I have subs in the first place, and B) what I expect from them. I spend a lot of time interviewing and choosing subs, so I do not have to criticize.

It is My world. And yes, there are a lot of male subs who apply and a few who past muster.

Ebony

 

[A Desert Rose]

Then what you are saying is....

My approach has to do with A) why I have subs in the first place, and B) what I expect from them. I spend a lot of time interviewing and choosing subs, so I do not have to criticize.

It is My world.

Ebony

~~~~~~~~~if EXPECTATIONS are laid out from the onset, and those involved fully understand, you should not have to criticize?

Thanks Eb, for your input.
Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Then what you are saying is....

~~~~~~~~~if EXPECTATIONS are laid out from the onset, and those involved fully understand, you should not have to criticize?

Thanks Eb, for your input.
Rose

Bingo, Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

A question of respect?

Ah yes, I do dispense criticism, yes siree I do. I try to be constructive about it, though. And I try to keep it focused, and even though I might be "upset", I try to reign in those feelings so I can stay level-headed. I also try not to criticize in public, but rather I prefer to talk to the person privately.

~~~~~~~~~Because you dispense your criticism privately, I am assuming you do that out of RESPECT for the person involved? And by staying calm, you are able to retain a sense of OBJECTIVITY?
Do I understand you correctly, Chele?
Thank you for your input.
Rose

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I try not to criticize others. I do it on occasion, but try to keep it as private and constructive.

I'm a very sensitive person at times, and don't take criticism very well. Of course this all depends on the methods used as to how I will respond. Constructive as opposed to negative criticism I can take, however I do prefer the courtesy of it being in private as well.

Just my thoughts, hope this is what you were looking for.


dixi

 

[zipman]

A different take on it

I have a slighlty different view of this topic.

Criticism is just negative feedback to me.

Example #1 " I don't like the way you sucking my cock." There is no direction as to how I want it to be done.

Example #2 " This story sucks." There is no mention of what I might have wanted to see that would have made the story better.


Constructive Criticism. Explaining how to change the behavior to improve it.

Example #1 "Didn't I tell you to squeeze the base when you're sucking my cock." Explicit directions of what I want.

Example #2 " I thought the story was good, but I would have loved to have read more detail during the punishment scenes."


My personal view is that criticism can make people feel badly about themselves. And for the record, If I have to give my sub constructive criticism - especially if she is hearing it for the second time, well, someone is going to have a very sore ass and it isn't going to be me!!!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Many thanks

to Dixie and Mr.Zippy. When I return from lunch, I will respond to you both in turn. Very interesting opinions from both of you.

Rose

 

[~Dream~]

thanks Desert Rose..

I try not to criticize others. I do it on occasion, but try to keep it as private and constructive.

I'm a very sensitive person at times, and don't take criticism very well. Of course this all depends on the methods used as to how I will respond. Constructive as opposed to negative criticism I can take, however I do prefer the courtesy of it being in private as well.


dixi

I AGREE 100% with Dixie,if the criticism is NOT constructive it is then considered by me to be abusive and a BIG waste of my time.also to point out,I would NEVER tell my Dom,My Master to "shut up" under ANY circumstances as to me this is VERY disrespectful talk and If I cannot treat Him with the respect He Deserves,then I should not expect to be treated respectfully by Him either..Master always talks things out with me..we COMMUNICATE..that is utmost important in ANY relationship.
He instructs and may sometimes disagree with me on things but I have never felt criticized

 

[SexyChele]

Re: A question of respect?

~~~~~~~~~Because you dispense your criticism privately, I am assuming you do that out of RESPECT for the person involved? And by staying calm, you are able to retain a sense of OBJECTIVITY?
Do I understand you correctly, Chele?
Thank you for your input.
Rose

You are correct in your understanding, Rose. I do not like to be criticized in public - I don't think anyone does, unless they are into the whole humiliation scene. Also, if done privately, a person normally will not go on the defensive, but will be focused on what you are saying to them.

Objectivity is a biggie. I cannot state that I have the corner on that market - not by a long shot! If another person explains their position to me rationally, then I will try to see things from their perspective, yes. If I'm criticizing something some one has done, I try to remain calm because that dispels overwrought emotions entering into the picture.

Of course, that is no guarantee. Sometimes my own emotions get the better of me, I will admit. Other times, no matter how calm I am towards others, their emotions are running high or they are simply ready to go on the defensive. That is usually when "ranting" comes into the picture.

Hope that explains things further...

 

[A Desert Rose]

So you are saying as is Dream.....

that SENSITIVITY in your approach is very important, not only where it concerns you, but with others? In Dreams post she specifically sites her relationship with Art. Am I reading you both correctly?
Thank you both for your posts

Rose

I try not to criticize others. I do it on occasion, but try to keep it as private and constructive.

I'm a very sensitive person at times, and don't take criticism very well. Of course this all depends on the methods used as to how I will respond. Constructive as opposed to negative criticism I can take, however I do prefer the courtesy of it being in private as well.

Just my thoughts, hope this is what you were looking for.


dixi

:

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: A different take on it

I have a slighlty different view of this topic.

Criticism is just negative feedback to me.

Example #1 " I don't like the way you sucking my cock." There is no direction as to how I want it to be done.

Example #2 " This story sucks." There is no mention of what I might have wanted to see that would have made the story better.


Constructive Criticism. Explaining how to change the behavior to improve it.

Example #1 "Didn't I tell you to squeeze the base when you're sucking my cock." Explicit directions of what I want.

Example #2 " I thought the story was good, but I would have loved to have read more detail during the punishment scenes."


My personal view is that criticism can make people feel badly about themselves. And for the record, If I have to give my sub constructive criticism - especially if she is hearing it for the second time, well, someone is going to have a very sore ass and it isn't going to be me!!!

~~~~~~~~~Very interesting insight, Mr.Zippy. I especially like that you see criticism as something that "can make people feel badly about themselves." Would you use the word INADEQUATE in this instance, or am I on the wrong track?

Thank you pal.
Rose

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: So you are saying as is Dream.....

that SENSITIVITY in your approach is very important, not only where it concerns you, but with others? In Dreams post she specifically sites her relationship with Art. Am I reading you both correctly?
Thank you both for your posts

Rose

:

Well I can't speak for Dream, but yes that is what I was saying. I've never seen anything accomplished by approaching a person in any other way.


dixi

 

[A Desert Rose]

Shared respect......

I AGREE 100% with Dixie,if the criticism is NOT constructive it is then considered by me to be abusive and a BIG waste of my time.also to point out,I would NEVER tell my Dom,My Master to "shut up" under ANY circumstances as to me this is VERY disrespectful talk and If I cannot treat Him with the respect He Deserves,then I should not expect to be treated respectfully by Him either..Master always talks things out with me..we COMMUNICATE..that is utmost important in ANY relationship.
He instructs and may sometimes disagree with me on things but I have never felt criticized

~~~~~~~~~and open COMMUNICATION is your basis then, for moving ahead in your relationship? And criticism is not part of your interaction then?
You used the word INSTRUCTION, instead.

I like that.

Thank you Dream,
Rose

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: A different take on it

~~~~~~~~~Very interesting insight, Mr.Zippy. I especially like that you see criticism as something that "can make people feel badly about themselves." Would you use the word INADEQUATE in this instance, or am I on the wrong track?

Thank you pal.
Rose

You are on the right track Rose. Inadequate would be one word that could describe it. There are plenty of others too, it all depends on the type of criticism that is given. The thing they have in common is that criticism can erode a person's self-esteem, very quickly.

I have always felt that criticism is a very negative way of communicating. And usually, people who are very critical of others are seeking to make themselves feel better.

 

[artful]

Re: A different take on it

I have a slighlty different view of this topic.

Criticism is just negative feedback to me.

Example #1 " I don't like the way you sucking my cock." There is no direction as to how I want it to be done.

Example #2 " This story sucks." There is no mention of what I might have wanted to see that would have made the story better.

Constructive Criticism. Explaining how to change the behavior to improve it.

Example #1 "Didn't I tell you to squeeze the base when you're sucking my cock." Explicit directions of what I want.

Example #2 " I thought the story was good, but I would have loved to have read more detail during the punishment scenes."

My personal view is that criticism can make people feel badly about themselves.

Thanks for typing out my thoughts on the matter Zipman!

 

[~Dream~]

Re: So you are saying as is Dream.....

that SENSITIVITY in your approach is very important, not only where it concerns you, but with others? In Dreams post she specifically sites her relationship with Art. Am I reading you both correctly?
Thank you both for your posts

Rose

:

you are quite welcome Rose bear with me as my letter after M om my keyboard has puked lol so I am subsitimg the letter m which will soumd weird but I gotta deal..lmao..amyways...I was talkimg about amy relatiomship actually people best mot criticize me if they do mot have good reasom too or they may bite off more tham they can chew!