I always thought a fetish was innate, always there whether awakened or not....I was wrong.

[TemptationTango]

I am going to try and explain this......let's go back many years to Wife #1. We married young, and she actually went from kind of a ugly duckling into one beautiful woman, even post 50. My repressed fetish was always there, from the beginning, and it was about her fucking other men and having mind blowing orgasm's with them. Just the thought of it made me wild, but I never had the balls to suggest it to her. Well, my projection powers must be pretty damn good, because I caught her cheating, we reconciled, then she did it again and said she wanted out, so we divorced.

I know, I still feel like an asshole for being mad about here fulfilling a fantasy that lived only in my brain. Looking back, I would have handled things different. But, this is where it gets interesting. None of the other women I dated were ever a candidate for that kink...never crossed my mind. I ended up meeting a fantastic woman post divorce, and we have been together for 2 decades. Guess what, not once have I ever thought of her banging someone else. It simply does not turn me on at all.....but, if I think about the ex....boom it's baaaack.

So my question for Lit is, can people manifest their fetish on to you knowingly or un-knowingly with out ever speaking a word of it? Did I do that to the ex, or did she do it to me? Do some emanate telepathic powers that trigger certain desires in others? I'm not talking about how one dresses, or the perfume they wear...strictly an unintentional manifestation. I recognize that my ex has some kind of hold over me and I am ok with that. What I want to know is, have others here experienced the same type thing with different people?

I always thought that we don't get a choice as to what turns us on or off....it's just there. This whole thing has me dazed and confused.

 

[cubbyfire04]

I get this... My previous marriage was open. Although it isn't what ultimately drove us apart, I was very turned on by the thought of her with other men. Still am. But my fiance now... I don't have even a shred of that feeling.

I certainly don't think you projected this onto her. And I also think this was more of a fantasy than a fetish, which is why it only applies to her. Your new love is different. It's territorial and protective in nature. I think that could mean you're happier now, and more confident in what you have to offer her than your ex.

 

[TemptationTango]

Definitely happier(except for the no sex/contact thing) and my wife is a opposite of the ex as far as confidence, being more intellectual and somewhat of a control freak. Maybe those traits chase away that fantasy, since the ex was more subservient/a follower.

All of us have some type of aura around us, some bold, others almost hidden. I think maybe that projects to others how we see them, starts our mind to try and interpret things out of that telepathic signal?

 

[policywank]

I think that different people awaken different feelings in us. To the extent that I want to indulge in a specific experience (sexual or otherwise) with a specific guy it is frequently the case that both ingredients - the individual and the act - need to be present to attract my interest. Other acts I may enjoy with many men but not all men and others I enjoy with any man.

Personally I think that some women just naturally have a need to have multiple lovers. Some men can sense that and relate to that aspect of her personality. Likewise even if a woman is inclined towards monogamy it may be that she doesn't quite fit with her current partner so she needs something more or someone different. Again that can be something the man senses.

It seems to me more likely that you recognized something in her rather than projected something onto her. Perhaps this is optimistic, but I think that men who are drawn to sexually open women and imagine them with other men may simply be recognizing their need, wanting to see it fulfilled and finding that whole scenario appealing to observe. That is very different from men who's primary view of women is rooted in being possessive and controlling. Put another way, a man who truly respects a woman's agency will want to see her fulfilled and what he envisions for her will be rooted in what she wants not what he wants her to want. So your perspective on one woman versus the next is simply a reflection of their desires not yours.

 

[TemptationTango]

That is a profound post....

I have had women(strangers) tell me I am an empath, so this is very interesting. I consider myself borderline reclusive. But out in public, I can tell 'some' people are drawn to me and it's un-nerving at times.

BTW, I feel a gathering momentum to write a erotic Lit story...strictly involving (cough)fictional(cough) characters.

 

[Gallant Man]

I am going to try and explain this......let's go back many years to Wife #1. We married young, and she actually went from kind of a ugly duckling into one beautiful woman, even post 50. My repressed fetish was always there, from the beginning, and it was about her fucking other men and having mind blowing orgasm's with them. Just the thought of it made me wild, but I never had the balls to suggest it to her. Well, my projection powers must be pretty damn good, because I caught her cheating, we reconciled, then she did it again and said she wanted out, so we divorced.

I know, I still feel like an asshole for being mad about here fulfilling a fantasy that lived only in my brain. Looking back, I would have handled things different. But, this is where it gets interesting. None of the other women I dated were ever a candidate for that kink...never crossed my mind. I ended up meeting a fantastic woman post divorce, and we have been together for 2 decades. Guess what, not once have I ever thought of her banging someone else. It simply does not turn me on at all.....but, if I think about the ex....boom it's baaaack.

So my question for Lit is, can people manifest their fetish on to you knowingly or un-knowingly with out ever speaking a word of it? Did I do that to the ex, or did she do it to me? Do some emanate telepathic powers that trigger certain desires in others? I'm not talking about how one dresses, or the perfume they wear...strictly an unintentional manifestation. I recognize that my ex has some kind of hold over me and I am ok with that. What I want to know is, have others here experienced the same type thing with different people?

I always thought that we don't get a choice as to what turns us on or off....it's just there. This whole thing has me dazed and confused.

If I had to guess it would be that you probably view your ex wife as a hot slut, more of a toy to show off, tease other men then fuck them. Perhaps you love your new wife more deeply, in a sensual way but also in a protective way and therefore you want to keep her for yourself.

 

[drobert44]

If I had to guess it would be that you probably view your ex wife as a hot slut, more of a toy to show off, tease other men then fuck them. Perhaps you love your new wife more deeply, in a sensual way but also in a protective way and therefore you want to keep her for yourself.

I doubt you can send a mental signal like that.......

 

[Gallant Man]

I doubt you can send a mental signal like that.......

I was not saying as a "mental signal" rather as his own thoughts and kinks.

 

[drobert44]

I was not saying as a "mental signal" rather as his own thoughts and kinks.

Gotcha, I do wonder if wifey can read my mind.....................oooo

 

[Gallant Man]

Perhaps some fetishes are similar to instincts, some are important for reproduction so who knows. Nature usually has the stronger males have their pick of the females so wanting to give your hot babe to a larger stronger dominant man might just be a fetish/instinct to comply. Ratey discusses how some instincts in animals are there but have to be "turned on". Fear of snakes for example, the juvenile sees the mother's reaction to a snake and the instinct is turned on from then on. Before that the juvenile is not afraid of snakes but after a single exposure it is, so it is not a repeated learned process. I believe this is from his fascinating book (but not the main subject):

Shadow Syndromes: The Mild Forms of Major Mental Disorders That Sabotage Us​

 

[IsItBad]

I am going to try and explain this......let's go back many years to Wife #1. We married young, and she actually went from kind of a ugly duckling into one beautiful woman, even post 50. My repressed fetish was always there, from the beginning, and it was about her fucking other men and having mind blowing orgasm's with them. Just the thought of it made me wild, but I never had the balls to suggest it to her. Well, my projection powers must be pretty damn good, because I caught her cheating, we reconciled, then she did it again and said she wanted out, so we divorced.

I know, I still feel like an asshole for being mad about here fulfilling a fantasy that lived only in my brain. Looking back, I would have handled things different. But, this is where it gets interesting. None of the other women I dated were ever a candidate for that kink...never crossed my mind. I ended up meeting a fantastic woman post divorce, and we have been together for 2 decades. Guess what, not once have I ever thought of her banging someone else. It simply does not turn me on at all.....but, if I think about the ex....boom it's baaaack.

So my question for Lit is, can people manifest their fetish on to you knowingly or un-knowingly with out ever speaking a word of it? Did I do that to the ex, or did she do it to me? Do some emanate telepathic powers that trigger certain desires in others? I'm not talking about how one dresses, or the perfume they wear...strictly an unintentional manifestation. I recognize that my ex has some kind of hold over me and I am ok with that. What I want to know is, have others here experienced the same type thing with different people?

I always thought that we don't get a choice as to what turns us on or off....it's just there. This whole thing has me dazed and confused.

well.....perhaps: who really knows why we develop the fetishes that we do? sometimes we can trace back to some clues about why a particular thing might be hot to us or turn us on.....but other times it just IS something that turns us on......maybe there is a basis for it, maybe it is genetic, maybe we just like the idea of it......seems that a good many men have harbored or do harbor that particular fantasy of seeing another man fucking your wife......id say the idea is fairly common.......like you, most of us would never ever voice it......and in most cases it never happens......in all reality, most cheating has nothing to do with the spouse at all.....and so it is doubtful whether subliminally or deliberately your wife was in anyway answering your fetish.....in fact her fucking someone else was most likely not about you at all aside from her desire to find someone besides you to be intimate with. also, in all likelihood, the reason you have not maintained or harbored the same fantasy with your current woman is NOT that she is not bringing it out in you or such but more so that you now associate the outcome of that fantasy with you getting a divorce and her leaving you. sort a of a pavlovian or freudian response if you will. i think, however, that a fetish whether fantasized or realized is just that....its a fetish.....a thing we like....an idea that, for whatever reason, arouses us and fuels some, and sometimes most, of our fantasies. fwiw.

 

[SlutAddicted]

There is nothing that I can see in the OP which would lead to the inescapable conclusion that wife 1 was unsatisfied in the bedroom. People cheat for all kinds of reasons other than the absence of sexual fulfillment. Likewise cuckold fantasies are not intrinsically linked to a fear of sexual inadequacy even if those fantasies involve all the women a man has been with as opposed to one with which he has certain chemistry.

 

[marriedtosister]

So I have an insatiable incest fetish but I didn't start off with one.

I ended up getting into a very unlikely long-term relationship with my sister - not because she was my sister but because of *her* - and this turned into an insatiable, general incest fetish.

Basically the fetish followed the real life reality, rather than vice-versa. I don't think fetishes are innate neccessarily. Sometimes they develop as a result of experiences/exposures.

As for choices - I think if you try hard enough to get turned on by something, associate it with enough orgasms, etc - you can give yourself a Pavlovian reaction to anything you want within reason.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

A lot of this kind of stuff is still within the range of most people’s sexuality. In that sense it’s innate. But that’s also why it can “spread” and be “shared”. Because if most people gave it a chance, they might like it. The idea is erotic if given thought. I believe most things are like this.

But then you have true fetishes. Even with those, the experience of the person involved usually will explain why they have it. Sometimes not though but sometimes yes. Take me for example - it’s not strictly a fetish but you could say that for the purposes of this thread. The fetish I have of itself isn’t something that’s mainstream enough to ever be talked about somewhere like here, but I’m far from alone in it. I can look back at my life and understand why things happened the way they did, but an outsider wouldn’t be able to sympathize or understand on default.

But as far as the “moment of realization” goes - for me it was instantaneous and extreme. Simply one day I had an experience that changed everything and I went from being mostly vanilla and even asexual to someone with an almost exclusive turn on/fetish.

Why? I don’t know exactly, but I think it has to do with life experience. Sometimes when you have certain experiences but don’t think of them in erotic ways, a lot of that potential remains untapped. And then suddenly you’re thrust into this oddly erotic situation, when everything’s already been drenched in gasoline, and things get … HOT!

 

[Beholders_Eye]

And then there are internet sites like Literotica that put all sorts of ideas in your head that you never even suspected could be a 'thing'. Many of those aspects of sexual behavior then present themselves to you; you either embrace or reject some or all of them. Now you have a fetish/fantasy that becomes part of your inner makeup. Now you may have some decisions to make about relationships and personal behavior.

A similar thing may happen if you discover, say, a new political school of thought or style of cuisine. Your life may take a new turn. A tricky proposition. No doubt a sexual epiphany will go more deeply into one's consciousness (in ways I will never understand).

Pandora is not always kind.

Just my 1.5 cents...

 

[TemptationTango]

There is no telepathic communication, conscious or unconscious, that would send sexual messages from you to someone else, or the other way around.

- I do disagree here, the realm of brain waves / telepathic ability is a deep rabbit hole...but I tend to believe there is more to it than we know. You might be right though, if we factor in audio and visual signs that each of us have and use everyday. Failure to interpret, misunderstanding and confusion on both people involved can make that one a cluster.

You might be personalizing this experience way too much.

Personalization is a common cognitive distortion in which the person believes that they are entirely to blame for something, even though they most likely had little to nothing to do with the outcome. Or rather, it would be impossible to determine who or what exactly is to blame, who/what is fully responsible for "causing" this event.

You are attributing blame to yourself immediately. You say, "my projection powers must be pretty damn good, because I caught her cheating." According to your interpretation, it is because of your fetish that she saw other men. This is a cognitive distortion. AKA, it is an irrational thought. That doesn't mean you are an irrational or crazy person, but it means that (at least to my outsider perspective) it looks as though your perception of reality has been distorted in a negative way. Specifically, around your fetish and how things went with your ex.

- I agree, my perception of reality when it comes to the ex is severely distorted, and yes, there is much more to the story of our relationship. As far as our relationship now, we both have regrets, we have forgiven each other, and we still love each other. Neither one of us are going to act on this because we are not willing to destroy two more marriages and hurt the spouses we also love.

If I were you, I would honestly interrogate that instead of interrogating this idea of fetishes being unconsciously transmitted. Because correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like something that is bothering you and creeping into your thoughts in your current relationships.

- Well, yes, I am bothered by my sexual thoughts of my ex, even though I will not act on them. Guilt, yep...ok, I'll man up carry it. It does not help that my wife lost interest in sex almost a decade ago leaving me a walking hair trigger....lol.

 

[jaF0]

Appears some of you have a fetish for being verbose.

 

[honestWithWifie]

... So my question for Lit is, can people manifest their fetish on to you knowingly or un-knowingly with out ever speaking a word of it? Did I do that to the ex, or did she do it to me? Do some emanate telepathic powers that trigger certain desires in others? I'm not talking about how one dresses, or the perfume they wear...strictly an unintentional manifestation. I recognize that my ex has some kind of hold over me and I am ok with that. What I want to know is, have others here experienced the same type thing with different people?

I always thought that we don't get a choice as to what turns us on or off....it's just there. This whole thing has me dazed and confused.

I also married #1 young. Wife #1 cheated many times. She flipped my cuckold switch. I never admitted it to her while we were married. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I wanted to watch her fuck other guys. I'm the one that pulled the plug on the marriage after 9 years. I did admit this to her after the divorce. We talked about it and we both knew that 'cuckolding' was one road we would have both enjoyed going down.

So I eventually married to second wife ... and she is perfect in so many ways ... and still after 30 years ... she still doesn't get my cuck thoughts going like wife #1. I am very honest in my current marriage ... so she knows my kinks.

 

[TemptationTango]

I also married #1 young. Wife #1 cheated many times. She flipped my cuckold switch. I never admitted it to her while we were married. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I wanted to watch her fuck other guys. I'm the one that pulled the plug on the marriage after 9 years. I did admit this to her after the divorce. We talked about it and we both knew that 'cuckolding' was one road we would have both enjoyed going down.

So I eventually married to second wife ... and she is perfect in so many ways ... and still after 30 years ... she still doesn't get my cuck thoughts going like wife #1. I am very honest in my current marriage ... so she knows my kinks.

Wow, that's a remarkably similar story. Yes, "flipped a switch" is how I experienced it. And it's been almost 20 years and that switch is still off for the new wife and oh so still on for the Ex.

 

[petes478]

Wow, that's a remarkably similar story. Yes, "flipped a switch" is how I experienced it. And it's been almost 20 years and that switch is still off for the new wife and oh so still on for the Ex.

Too funny yet interesting too. I fuck mostly married white women. Intrigued with all this additional tidbits. Some ask me to throat fuck their cuck and I do it. Mostly for the cleaning but sometime I just want to destroy them. And I do it. These wives get off seeing it. My passion strong even in anger.