Husband with E.D. any suggestions

[dreamer626]

To start off I dont want to sound like a mean person, so i hope that I dont come off that way.

My husband started having ED problems about 4 years ago (we have been married 10 years and dated more than year before we got married) he is a diabetic with the majority of the problems assoated with uncontrolled diabetis.

I guess Im asking if anyone has any suggestions that we might not have tried, that might get him in the mood.
I know that in his case that using toys might be a ego thing(a reminder of what he can do?) but we have used them before now he just shows no intrest. Am I just overly dramatic?
I have tried to be supportive even telling him that i would be happy with foreplay but still cant get any where. so i have come here to you wonderful people looking for sugestions / advice / ideas anything.


thank you
Dreamer626

 

[Kissophile]

Has your husband spoken with his physician about this? That's the best first step. I'm not familiar enough with the various pharmaceutical remedies and the impact they might have on a diabetic, but certainly a physician could advise him appropriately. In addition to the Viagra-type drugs, other options exist that might be more suitable for a diabetic.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by dreamer626
To start off I dont want to sound like a mean person, so i hope that I dont come off that way.

My husband started having ED problems about 4 years ago (we have been married 10 years and dated more than year before we got married) he is a diabetic with the majority of the problems assoated with uncontrolled diabetis.

I guess Im asking if anyone has any suggestions that we might not have tried, that might get him in the mood.
I know that in his case that using toys might be a ego thing(a reminder of what he can do?) but we have used them before now he just shows no intrest. Am I just overly dramatic?
I have tried to be supportive even telling him that i would be happy with foreplay but still cant get any where. so i have come here to you wonderful people looking for sugestions / advice / ideas anything.


thank you
Dreamer626

Is his diabetes still uncontrolled? If so, I'd suggest this is the first thing to try to correct. It may have added benefits in addition to helping him get healthier. Since this is unfortunately not uncommon among men with diabetes has he talked to his doctor about it? I'm sure he/she is familiar with this situation.

Edited: you beat me to it!

 

[Cathleen]

http://www.diabetes.org/type-2-diabetes/sex-and-pregnancy/mens-sexual-health.jsp


Dreamer, this site might be a good place for information. I have nothing else to offer..... except my best wishes.

 

[dreamer626]

he has seen the dr and the dr gave him a trial pack of viagra and they didnt really have much inpact, and his health issues are still uncontrolled mostly his fault he refuses to do what the drs say.


Dreamer626

 

[Kissophile]

Re: Re: Husband with E.D. any suggestions

Is his diabetes still uncontrolled? If so, I'd suggest this is the first thing to try to correct. It may have added benefits in addition to helping him get healthier. Since this is unfortunately not uncommon among men with diabetes has he talked to his doctor about it? I'm sure he/she is familiar with this situation.

Edited: you beat me to it!

Given a little bit of personal experience with this matter, I noticed the thread right away.

 

[zhukov1943]

he has seen the dr and the dr gave him a trial pack of viagra and they didnt really have much inpact, and his health issues are still uncontrolled mostly his fault he refuses to do what the drs say.


Dreamer626

Wow - that's gonna be a BIG problem down the road. My buddy Dan pretty much ruined his kidneys by not controlling his diabetes properly...

Please, please, smack him in the head or something.

 

[dreamer626]

Trust me I would like at times , You would think that after having surgery on both eyes and eventually loosing one he would start to do what he was told but he will not. and the sad thing about this he isnt even 30 yet.



Dreamer626

 

[zhukov1943]

Trust me I would like at times , You would think that after having surgery on both eyes and eventually loosing one he would start to do what he was told but he will not. and the sad thing about this he isnt even 30 yet.



Dreamer626

If he can afford it (or has good insurance) those insulin pumps really make managing his sugar levels a lot easier.

Although he'd still have to "stick" himself to test his blood sugar, all he'd have to do is push the button on the pump to dose himself with insulin - it looks like a "pager", with a little tube coming out that goes into a needle that you can wear for days at a time. Just stick it in a pocket and go!

 

[Cathleen]

he has seen the dr and the dr gave him a trial pack of viagra and they didnt really have much inpact, and his health issues are still uncontrolled mostly his fault he refuses to do what the drs say.


Dreamer626

I am a diabetic too and have some of the additional conditions associated with it. I have to be dilegent with nutrition etc. I have been controlled for the most part, a few increases in the a1c. Even with that I cannot stop the damage to my kidneys, neurons and other organs. Somehow he needs to deal with the diabetes - perhaps some small changes will inspire him to continue.

One of my physicians signed me up with a program through Pfizer - Diabetes Control Network, Mission Control. It provides some tools to educate and motivate, perhaps that may help him.

 

[dreamer626]

If he can afford it (or has good insurance) those insulin pumps really make managing his sugar levels a lot easier.

Although he'd still have to "stick" himself to test his blood sugar, all he'd have to do is push the button on the pump to dose himself with insulin - it looks like a "pager", with a little tube coming out that goes into a needle that you can wear for days at a time. Just stick it in a pocket and go!

he refuses to get one he doesnt want anything attached to him
Dreamer626

 

[zhukov1943]

he refuses to get one he doesnt want anything attached to him
Dreamer626

Well - if he keeps this up, he's gonna have bigger problems than keepin' a "chubby"...

You've got my sympathy.

 

[SweetErika]

To start off I dont want to sound like a mean person, so i hope that I dont come off that way.

My husband started having ED problems about 4 years ago (we have been married 10 years and dated more than year before we got married) he is a diabetic with the majority of the problems assoated with uncontrolled diabetis.

I guess Im asking if anyone has any suggestions that we might not have tried, that might get him in the mood.
I know that in his case that using toys might be a ego thing(a reminder of what he can do?) but we have used them before now he just shows no intrest. Am I just overly dramatic?
I have tried to be supportive even telling him that i would be happy with foreplay but still cant get any where. so i have come here to you wonderful people looking for sugestions / advice / ideas anything.


thank you
Dreamer626

I'm not sure if I'm understanding you correctly...are you saying he's refusing anything sexual/intimate like using toys or pleasing you? If so, in addition to getting to the doctor, making lifestyle changes, and lots of reassurance/ positive reinforcement from you, it might be wise to seek some therapy. I know ED takes a terrible toll on people, but it seems unreasonable for him to cut you off completely. Perhaps if both of you could express your feelings and work toward some solutions in a safe environment, you can avoid future resentment and the complete distruction of your relationship.

 

[someplace]

It sounds as if there are some psychological issues to be dealt with (not wanting to treat his diabetes and lack of intimacy or desire to change the situation) before you can successfully deal with the physiological.

Perhaps your doctor can suggest someone YOU can talk to about ways to get HIM to help himself, and then your relationship will benefit.

 

[dreamer626]

well as far as being intimate goes we have "tried" 6 times in the last 2 years.

Dreamer626

 

[WarmVanilla]

To start off I dont want to sound like a mean person, so i hope that I dont come off that way.

My husband started having ED problems about 4 years ago (we have been married 10 years and dated more than year before we got married) he is a diabetic with the majority of the problems assoated with uncontrolled diabetis.

I guess Im asking if anyone has any suggestions that we might not have tried, that might get him in the mood.
I know that in his case that using toys might be a ego thing(a reminder of what he can do?) but we have used them before now he just shows no intrest. Am I just overly dramatic?
I have tried to be supportive even telling him that i would be happy with foreplay but still cant get any where. so i have come here to you wonderful people looking for sugestions / advice / ideas anything.


thank you
Dreamer626

I'll tell you right now that you're not mean, and you're overly dramatic. Mr. Vanilla and I are still dealing with the tail end of this problem, and it hasn't been nearly as long as you've been dealing with it.

Mr. tells me that the only thing that's likely to help him is getting his heath taken care of, or at least to start in that direction. It was only when things started getting better with his health that he started feeling comfortable enough to do anything sexual with me. Before then, he was depressed and honestly thought he was going to die.

A lot of what helped, for us, was communication. He got medicines, and went to the classes at the hospital. He said it made a huge difference to the way he felt that I went with him, when I could, to the classes.

I'm not saying that everything was sweetness and light. I spent several months crying, and another two or three thinking of leaving him, because I felt unwanted and unloved, and, honestly, I was. He was too deep in depression from being sick to care about me.

Another thing he said helped, while he was getting better, was being open to new things. He would never have been open to using toys before, but after he got through some of the depression, he was open to it, since nothing else was happening yet.

It's been several months since he's been on medicines, and things are much better now. Occasionally there's a night where things don't cooperate, but they're rarer all the time. And, from this experience, we've learned that just closeness can be important, as well as being open to new ideas.

I do have to say that while he was sick and depressed, Lit was invaluable for helping me keep a sense of sanity. That and a few toys.

Good luck. Know you're not alone.

 

[Killswitch]

To start off I dont want to sound like a mean person, so i hope that I dont come off that way.

My husband started having ED problems about 4 years ago (we have been married 10 years and dated more than year before we got married) he is a diabetic with the majority of the problems assoated with uncontrolled diabetis.

I guess Im asking if anyone has any suggestions that we might not have tried, that might get him in the mood.
I know that in his case that using toys might be a ego thing(a reminder of what he can do?) but we have used them before now he just shows no intrest. Am I just overly dramatic?
I have tried to be supportive even telling him that i would be happy with foreplay but still cant get any where. so i have come here to you wonderful people looking for sugestions / advice / ideas anything.


thank you
Dreamer626

Aerobics?

 

[zhukov1943]

Re: Re: Husband with E.D. any suggestions

Aerobics?

That was uncalled for.

 

[Bandit58]

he refuses to get one he doesnt want anything attached to him
Dreamer626

Well if he is not careful he will wind up with a dialysis machine attached to him......this makes me sad, because I live with what diabetes has done to someone I love dearly. The ED is only part of the problem - he needs to get his health totally sorted out, I cannot understand why someone would not want to do everything they can to be healthy for their loved ones.

We use toys, in fact just bought new ones before Christmas and had a lot of fun with them Especially with him in charge of the controls!

 

[dreamer626]

I wanted to thank you all for your support and advice



Dreamer626

 

[WarmVanilla]

I wanted to thank you all for your support and advice



Dreamer626

If there's anything else I can do, let me know. Talked it over again with the husband, and he really feels that getting diabetes straightened out is worth any amount of work. He feels a million times better than he did this summer. And I'm thrilled to have him feeling so much better. It's hard to see someone you love feel so bad.

 

[Bobmi357]

Dreamer,
Sometimes it takes a major shock to get someone to start caring for their health. If this has been going on for four years I'd strongly suggest that its time to apply some shock treatment.

First, have your lawyer draw up a will. On the same day that you spring the will on him, also take him to a funeral home and ask that he be fitted for a casket. When he asks what the hell your doing, simply say that since he's refusing to listen to his doctor and refusing to take care of himself, you are preparing for the inevitable, which as his wife, you have EVERY right to do.

He'll get the message real quick after that.

 

[someplace]

I think that's excellent advice.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

Good advice

I just lost my Mother in Law. Althought she has always had health problems this was still a shock to us. One of the positives to come of this lose was that my Father in Law took the time to tell my wife of His wishes for his funneral. I would also suggest getting Cemetary Plots and Headstones. If your husband says something to the effect of "Are you trying to get rid of my?" just reply calmly "No you seem to be doing a fine job of that yourself!"

Good luck to you!

Holden

 

[bkp]

Good GOD, thats harsh, but I'm sure it would be real effective.

My step dad is the same way though, eats what he wants then takes a shot.
Icecream, cake, soda, you name it.
Hell he's even half blind now and he's only 9 years older than me "45."

Originally posted by Bobmi357
Dreamer,
Sometimes it takes a major shock to get someone to start caring for their health. If this has been going on for four years I'd strongly suggest that its time to apply some shock treatment.

First, have your lawyer draw up a will. On the same day that you spring the will on him, also take him to a funeral home and ask that he be fitted for a casket. When he asks what the hell your doing, simply say that since he's refusing to listen to his doctor and refusing to take care of himself, you are preparing for the inevitable, which as his wife, you have EVERY right to do.

He'll get the message real quick after that.