Husband Gave It Up!

[debbiewhitworth]

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.

 

[warmnhard]

He is a fool. And that is a betrayal of you. Besides being beautiful, you are his wife and he is betraying your marriage.

 

[Jedi_Khan]

Um, wrong forum lady. You probably want the General Board, next one up. But be forewarned: those bastards up there aren't all that friendly.

 

[lind3127]

i know the feeling

Hi. I know your feeling very well. I am in the same situatuion, but reversed, she has given up. I didn't have an affair but i simpley talked to a member of the opposite sex & now i am out on the street. Becareful darling. PM if you need or want to talk

 

[Brains123]

You have to wonder if hes 'giveing it up' because someone else is now 'giveing it up'

 

[satindesire]

May I suggest you go to the How To Forum for advice? This is the "Role Playing" section of the literotica website.

http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6

There's a link for you.

 

[jazzyb_77]

i'm so sorry for you debbie...

quick question for you...are you enticing him?

what would happen for instance if you were to ask him to give you some and he refused...and you just said...ok, i'll go back to the bedroom and masturbate...and you DO GO BACK TO THE BEDROOM and masturbate.

probably if you do that, he'd be right behind you...

i don't know, but that's my guess. sometimes guys get jealous if you act like you'll take care of your own business if they don't take care of you.

jaz.

 

[SweetErika]

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to have sex and if it has anything to do with your cancer and mastectomy?

Could he have a mental or physical problem, like depression, a hormonal imbalance or erectile dysfunction? Has he had his hormones and everything checked by a doctor recently, or is he willing to do so now?

Have you sought therapy, either together, or on your own?

Do you still have other forms of intimacy, like kissing, cuddling, affectionate touching, talking, etc., or is all of it gone?

If he doesn't want to have sex, period, have you asked him if he would be okay with you having your needs met elsewhere?

 

[ChrisPharmD]

Well, I'm in Georgia... hmmmm....

 

[sweet_escape]

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.

It doesn't sound like a very happy situation you're both in. It'd be best to talk with him and find out exactly what's going on. There could be an entirely different reason for his change in behaviour than the one you're suspecting. At least then you can come up with a solution to this problem together.

 

[working_girl]

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to have sex and if it has anything to do with your cancer and mastectomy?

Could he have a mental or physical problem, like depression, a hormonal imbalance or erectile dysfunction? Has he had his hormones and everything checked by a doctor recently, or is he willing to do so now?

Have you sought therapy, either together, or on your own?

Do you still have other forms of intimacy, like kissing, cuddling, affectionate touching, talking, etc., or is all of it gone?

If he doesn't want to have sex, period, have you asked him if he would be okay with you having your needs met elsewhere?

This is all good advice. There are a lot of guys who will resort to giving up on sex altogether before they willingly drop their pants in front of a Dr. Guys who have erectile problems often suffer from crippling self esteem and shame issues. Until you have persuaded him to get a check-up, suggesting you find sex outside the marriage might be incredibly damaging to him. Is there some major issue or event that occurred about when your husband stopped wanting sex that could have triggered depression, low self esteem or something?

If he can't be persuaded to see a Dr that could be very dangerous. Not to alarm you too much but some forms of cancer (e.g. prostate) can cause erectile problems and a loss/surge of sex drive. If he hasn't had a general check-up in a while, I would strongly advise you to get him seen.

You might also want to consider couples therapy as loss of sex drive is usually a psychological symptom of other major issues. Are you still close as a couple? Is he physically affectionate with hugs, kisses etc? If you took sex out of the equation, how happy is the rest of your marriage?

If he won't go to couples therapy, suggest he goes alone to a therapist and talks about whatever is on his mind without the added pressure of you being there. I'm sure he realises how damaging this is to his marriage in the longer term and on the assumption that he isn't playing away, he must miss that closeness and intimacy on some level, as much as you do.

 

[klippert]

just a thought

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.

You have too get him to open up.....communication!!!!

MrsK has a very Good friend that was in a similar situation. She had the affair. She and her husband are still together, but, their is that air of suspicion. After he found out she was sleeping with the next door neighbors husband, they went to some intensive counseling, they worked out their differences. 12yrs later he went back into his shell, and she nearly went into the bed with another man. I'm not one too pass judgment, from my wife's view, her friend has had a propensity too cheat.....I feel she has done it more then mrsK realizes, With that said. I believe that marriage should be saved........ I know, I know......I'm divorced once......sometimes marriages end for whatever the reason. We, or should I say "I", at that time wished too save the marriage....she had NO intention, she luv'd getting married not being married.

 

[A_Kefka]

I personally am very against cheating, its onw of the worst betrayals possible. He should be fulfilling your needs if he can, and if he can't he should be talking to you about it. If it really can't be worked out and you aren't satisfied with the relationship then you should get out of it, but don't give up too easily.

 

[unregistered]

 

[ShyGuy68]

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.

If I were closer to you, I would without doubt want to meet up, and see how things work out

 

[NewTemptations]

My first thought was that he may feel that he could hurt you or that he may consider you as fragile. Even though you aren't now, that mindset may still be there from when you were battling cancer. He may just consider you to precious to use for sex. Of course there are many possibilities, only one of which would be him finding you unattractive. You really need to talk this out and a therapist that could get to feelings and reasons that he may not even realize would be even better.

 

[TallBlueBoy]

Sometimes the sex just sort of...dries up. You really need to talk to him about it.

For many years, I was the initiator. After a while though, I got tired of the constant rejection from my wife. Our sex life had slowed down to barely twice a month. Last year, it hit an all time low - we had sex only 9 times in 2008. My wife had simply lost interest in sex.

We had a very long, very difficult talk. I basically let her know that after 20 years of being totally faithfull to her, that if my basic needs weren't met, I would go elsewhere for sex, and that it did not mean that I loved her or our family any less.

Like I said, it was a very painfull conversation. But it worked.

 

[sissyboycindy]

no sex husband

Well it isnt right to cheat on him,but he isnt taking care of your sexual needs and desires.If i was you i would sit him down and talk about it with him and express your needs and let him know that if he doesnt sexually satisfy you like you need that you will get other men to do it for him.

 

[bearcat1957]

All good advice, except for the "men" hitting on you while your are vulnerable. Strongly suggest you try the advice before the affair. If nothing else works, you have to decide if you want to keep the marriage or not and then decide whether or not to pursue the affair while still married. This presumes you have other connections with your husband besides sharing the same house. If not, and if a divorce is emotionally and financially doable (for you, your husband, and any children), the divorce might be better for you in the long run than trying to live a lie. Of course, he might not object to the affair but that would be very unusual. Good luck.

 

[Jack_Samuel]

I think one partner deciding to give it up is extermly wrong and a betryal of your marriage. In any good partnership a decision cannot be made by one person alone.

If he wants to live his life that way and neglect your feelings then i feel you have no choice but to look outside the relationship for fulfillment

 

[A_Kefka]

Just remembered something I once saw on the history channel. Isrealite law in the time of the old testament said that a man was required to make love to his wife with a certain frequency, which varied depending on his profession.

 

[RunningJib]

Very sorry to hear of your plight

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.

You sound like a wonderful person with an optimistic outlook on life. I imagine that you would be wonderful to be in bed with.

Is it possible that he is feeling guilty?

 

[jeninflorida]

why did he give up sex? how would you feel the day after if you did sleep with another man?

My question for anyone interested in responding is:
My husband has decided to give up sex all together. I am sexually deprived and have a high sex drive. I am thinking about having an affair with a man. What are your comments on this?
I suspect that his reason is because I had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy 6 yrs. ago. I have had reconstruction and look good. His change came after my surgery.