Humor Thread

[DG Hear]

In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you.

Dear Lord,

This has been a tough 12 months. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays, and now my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is Barack Obama.

 

[DG Hear]

A dog lover, whose dog was a bitch and 'in heat', agreed to look after and house her neighbors' male dog, while they were away on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when they mate.

Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. "hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw".

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me" he replied.

 

[Handley_Page]

A Bride's Poem

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...

Like his mother used to do

 

[Handley_Page]

A young lady was sent to her Gynaecologist complaining of two green skin marks on the inside of her thighs.
The Doc has a real close look, consults a couple of books and then says:
"The good news is you are perfectly healthy and there is no problem. However, you'd better tell your friend that the ear-rings are not real gold."

 

[DG Hear]

BBQ RULES:

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off,' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

At my house I just let my wife do the Barbque cooking and then there's no problems.
DG

 

[TE999]

A man is waiting for his girlfriend outside a theater in Alaska. Snow begins falling and the wind picks up. He reaches inside his parka, pulls out a thermometer, studies it for a minute and says "If she's not here by 15 degrees, I'm leaving."

 

[Handley_Page]

Here are some interesting mistranslations:

In a Belgrade elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

A doctor's office in Rome:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good time.

On a menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:
If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass?

In a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

A temple in Bangkok:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.

In a Bangkok cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a hotel in Yugoslavia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

 

[Handley_Page]

The young college physician was bewildered by the procession of unhappy
young women regularly visiting his campus clinic for pregnancy tests.

"There seems to be something in the air this time of year that causes young
girls to get pregnant," he commented to an older colleague.

"What is it, I wonder?"

"Their legs," replied his friend.

 

[Tarakin]

A man is waiting for his girlfriend outside a theater in Alaska. Snow begins falling and the wind picks up. He reaches inside his parka, pulls out a thermometer, studies it for a minute and says "If she's not here by 15 degrees, I'm leaving."

 

[Tio_Narratore]

A man is waiting for his girlfriend outside a theater in Alaska. Snow begins falling and the wind picks up. He reaches inside his parka, pulls out a thermometer, studies it for a minute and says "If she's not here by 15 degrees, I'm leaving."

Whatever happened to the strength and dedication of Northern men? Here's a version of "The Frozen Logger."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBLHeAvZyh8&feature=related

 

[DG Hear]

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue....

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

 

[TE999]

A man goes to a psychoanalyst. The analyst gets out a stack of cards with ink blots on them, shows them to the man one at a time and asks him what they remind him of. The man looks at every card in the stack and says "Sex."

The analyst says, "Sir, you seem to have an obsession with sex."

"Me?" the man replies, "You're the one showing me all those dirty pictures."

 

[Handley_Page]

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house..The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So,she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,

'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'A few minutes later, I get into the cab.

'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to escape, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'


The cab driver hit a parked car.

 

[SweetMaj]

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house..The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So,she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,

'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'A few minutes later, I get into the cab.

'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to escape, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'


The cab driver hit a parked car.

A good one, HP.

 

[DG Hear]

APHORISM:

[A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH ]

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . That it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important . . . Because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat . . . And you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print. . . . There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos in strange places? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . . And the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . . . . . But it's still a gift.

 

[SweetMaj]

APHORISM:

[A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH ]

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . That it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important . . . Because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat . . . And you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print. . . . There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos in strange places? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . . And the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . . . . . But it's still a gift.

I like it !!!

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Random....

Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher costs of eating out.

If you see a turtle without a shell, is it naked or homeless?

A husband asks his wife to tell him something that will make him happy and mad. After a moment she says, 'You have the biggest dick out of all of your friends.'

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Arg, stupid double post, lol.

 

[SweetMaj]

Random....

Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher costs of eating out.

If you see a turtle without a shell, is it naked or homeless?

A husband asks his wife to tell him something that will make him happy and mad. After a moment she says, 'You have the biggest dick out of all of your friends.'

I love it.

 

[DG Hear]

Dementia Quiz

Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception,
reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but
instead, answer each of them immediately.

OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....
.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )



First Question :

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<




Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't
take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?




Second Question :
If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?


You're not very good at this, are you?






Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT
use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another
1000 . Now add 20 Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total?


Scroll down for the correct answer.....






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not
your day, is it ?
Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe...



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and
??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary Read the question again!



Okay, now the Bonus round,
a final chance to redeem yourself:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating
the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses;
how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.


Have a nice day, one and all.

 

[SweetMaj]

Dementia Quiz

Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception,
reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but
instead, answer each of them immediately.

OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....
.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )



First Question :

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<




Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't
take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?




Second Question :
If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?


You're not very good at this, are you?






Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT
use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another
1000 . Now add 20 Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total?


Scroll down for the correct answer.....






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not
your day, is it ?
Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe...



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and
??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary Read the question again!



Okay, now the Bonus round,
a final chance to redeem yourself:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating
the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses;
how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.


Have a nice day, one and all.

This was funny !!! A nice day to you too, DG.

 

[DG Hear]

A Little Humor

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.. Completely

ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line

pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the

cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked

sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor

and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young

man, we're both 90 years old, ' the husband said ..'We may not have 45

minutes.' They were seated immediately.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would

'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the

aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her

father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews

responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her

father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs

should relax and get used to the idea.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your

casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what

would you like them to say?'



Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine

spiritual leader, and a great family man.'



Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher

and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'



Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smith climbs to the top of MT. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'

The Lord replies, 'A minute.'

Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'

The Lord replies, 'A penny.'



'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'

'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every

evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.. In fact, she sleeps with

anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'

'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,

exactly where is Larry's bar?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request,

dear,' he said. 'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.

'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.' 'But I

thought you hated Bob,' she said. With his last breath John said, 'I do!'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I

have to talk to you about it.' The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'

The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'

The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what

should I do?'



The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I

can find out and I'll let you know.'

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone

for three hours. You want my advice?'



The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[DG Hear]

Irish nuns

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat,
and one says to the other, "I hear that the people
in this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live
in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling,
"Hot Dogs, get your dogs here," and they both walk
towards the hot dog cart.

"Two dogs, please!," says one.
The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers.

She begins to blush, and then staring at it for a moment, leans to the other Nun and in a soft brogue whispers......

"What part did you get?"

 

[SweetMaj]

Irish nuns

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat,
and one says to the other, "I hear that the people
in this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live
in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling,
"Hot Dogs, get your dogs here," and they both walk
towards the hot dog cart.

"Two dogs, please!," says one.
The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers.

She begins to blush, and then staring at it for a moment, leans to the other Nun and in a soft brogue whispers......

"What part did you get?"

This made me laugh. (Did the hot dogs come with roasted onions?)

 

[DG Hear]

Ok, received this one. Had i before but it's funny to me.
DG

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And Paddy began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
"I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

"Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same..."

Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said:

"Please... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"