Humor Thread

[DG Hear]

Viagra Ads

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun,told the burnt-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.

The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The top ten were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there
overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis........This is your penis on drugs.

 

[DG Hear]

How To Make A Woman Happy

It's not difficult...

To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father

6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber

11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A gynecologist
15. a psychologist

16. A pest exterminator
17. A psychiatrist
18. A healer
19. A good listener
20. An organizer

21. A good father
22. Very clean
23. Sympathetic
24. Athletic
25. Warm

26. Attentive
27. Gallant
28. Intelligent
29. Funny
30. Creative

31. Tender
32. Strong
33. Understanding
34. Tolerant
35. Prudent

36. Ambitious
37. Capable
38. Courageous
39. Determined
40. True

41. Dependable
42. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
43. Give her compliments regularly
44. Love shopping
45. Be honest
46. Be very rich
47. Not stress her out
48. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

49. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
50. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
51. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

52. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him in peace & always say yes to SEX

 

[DG Hear]

Foreplay?

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?"
The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier".
The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.

 

[DG Hear]

Looking At Breasts

LOOKING AT BREASTS MAKES MEN LIVE LONGER ... says New England
Journal of Medicine.

Staring at boobs for just 10 minutes a day is equal to 30 minutes
of aerobics, says the study. Men can live longer, healthier,
happier lives by taking time out everyday to stare at women boobs!

In fact, new research published in this prestigious New England
Journal of Medicine shows that 10 minutes of ogling at a gal's
endowments provides men with a cardiovascular workout equal to a
30-minute aerobics workout in the gym. That means downing
whiskeys in a topless bar, thumbing through a Playboy magazine
or gazing at an attractive centerfold is probably better for most
men than jogging like an idiot on a treadmill !

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood
circulation," declared Dr. Karen Weatherby, the curvy German
researcher who conducted the research. She found in a
massive, five-year study of 200 men that breast-oglers had
lower blood pressure, less heart disease and a healthier pulse
rate than timid men who fear staring at women's finer points.

"There is no question that gazing at women's breasts makes men
healthier and our study proves it," explained Dr.
Weatherby. Engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts
the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by
doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to
five years."

So ladies . . . be humane . . . be kind . . . we need the
exercise .....

Guys, want to live longer... you know what to do.

 

[DG Hear]

Anthrax scare at Ford Field

Detroit, Michigan - Monday, November 24, 2008 -- Detroit Lions football practice was delayed nearly two hours this afternoon after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Head coach Rod Marinelli immediately suspended practice while police and federal agents were called to investigate.

After a complete analysis, Michigan State Police forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line. Practice was resumed after the forensic experts decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

 

[DG Hear]

It's got to be your ears!

Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

The flustered, embarrassed, Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"

She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and don't sag, and I have NO cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?"

Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers, "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."

 

[DG Hear]

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.

She says, "That's it! That's it!"

He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."

 

[DG Hear]

My Husband said...

May have posted before but worth another read.
DG

After 25 years of service the postman was about to retire. In his last day he went to same routine as he did for 25 years.

When he arrived the first house people gave him fishing gear and wished him happy retirement. When he arrived the second house people gave him camping gear and wished him happy retirement.

When he arrived at the third house a blonde lady opened the door and invited him in. They went to upstairs and had sex for two hours. Then she cooked him breakfast and handed him a dollar.

The postman was surprised, he asked: I had the greatest sex which I hadn't for years, breakfast was nice but what's up with the dollar?

The blond lady answered: Last night I was talking to my husband, I told him that today was your last day, what should we do?

Well my husband said: 'Fuck the postman! Just give him a dollar.'

'Well,' she added 'the breakfast was my idea!'

 

[DG Hear]

Underwear Dust

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your Clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your Butt!!

His Wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the Husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put Talcum Powder in my Underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder, 'It's 'Miracle Grow!'

 

[DG Hear]

Boobs vs. Willies

This one was just e-mailed to me. Cute!!!

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.'

 

[Pornguin]

I'm trying to catch up (still have dozens to go) but I love this thread.

 

[DG Hear]

I'm trying to catch up (still have dozens to go) but I love this thread.

Thank you! Makes me feel good. Me and a few other posters do our best. We know everything isn't for everyone. We all have different tastes in humor.

Hopefully everyone can find something to make them smile. We invite everyone to post whatever you want. Don't worry if you think its been posted before. We honestly don't care. Maybe we missed it the first time.
Thanks again for viewing this thread.
DG Hear

 

[DG Hear]

It's that time of year again.

My wife has been on my case to get the Christmas lights up for a couple
of weeks.

They are up now and for some reason she will not talk to me.









http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e235/dghear_2008/image001.jpg

 

[DG Hear]

Here is a mother's letter to Santa

I just received this from a lady friend. I thought it was worth posting.
DG

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, and sold Sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on The school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red Crayon, on the back of a receipt in in the laundry room between cycles, and Who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:


I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd al so like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to
boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three
pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room,' and, 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the
holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?
It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding Payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under
the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a Safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so
you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM...

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children young enough to believe in Santa..

 

[DG Hear]

Golfing mistake

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, the man says, it’s like this; “I was playing a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white on its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my big mistake.”

"What did you do?" the doctor asks.

Well. the man replies, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

She didn't take it well, so here I am.

 

[DG Hear]

Circus Opening

Help Wanted:

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is a good looking, older retired navy chief in his mid-sixties
and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is
one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good
or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun.
Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the
whip
and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to
snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she
throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion
stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts
licking her; feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her
entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never
seen a
display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired chief and
asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old chief replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of
the way."

 

[DG Hear]

Judas Asparagus

Judas Asparagus

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

______________________________

Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:
Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.

(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

 

[DG Hear]

Swat some flies

Redneck Play Station
CLICK HERE
http://majman.net:80/fly_loader.html

 

[DG Hear]

Had this before but worth a reread
DG


The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil!

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she
slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell
me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little John ny who was her friend sitting behind
her, took his #2 pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior? '

But Susie didn't stir fr om her slumber.

Once again, John ny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she
had her twenty-third child?'

Again, John ny came to the rescue.

This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in
me one more time , I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted!

 

[DG Hear]

Some old, some newer

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!


WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ."

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

 

[DG Hear]

Sent to me by a woman; What a surprise! LOL

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'


AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

 

[DG Hear]

Buttercups and Golf

Toward the end of the golf course, Steve somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden...POOF!!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter fact, you won't have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!"

THEN POOF...she was gone.

After Steve got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Bob. "Bob, where are you?"

Bob yells back "I'm over here, in the pussy willows."

Steve yells back, "DON'T SWING, BOB!!! For God's sake, DON'T SWING!!"

 

[DG Hear]

How much for sex?

A guy walks into his local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her room and start to discuss prices.

She says, "It's $100 for a blow job, $200 for straight sex, and $250 for a Monica."

"What's a Monica?" he asks and she answered.

"That's where I blow you now and screw you later."

 

[DG Hear]

Three (?) wise monkeys.

Once a wise man had said, ‘See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil’ (Yes, the three wise monkeys) but now in this age of HIV etc. another ‘wise’ man has added….see for yourself by clicking on the attachment tab. LOL.


http://forum.nicestories.com/files//25318-the rule of four.jpg

 

[DG Hear]

older couple getting married

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes
for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."