hubby agreed to dominate me now what?

[josephs_slave]

I am so turned on by the thought of my husband controlling me sexually...I love it when he gets rough like holding me down in bed and fucking me hard, when he calls me names and says nasty things to me, and I love to be forced and to have a little pain ...I am so turned on by the stories on here....how do I get him to completely understand the mindset of a dom and plan a whole evening of dom/sub play so we can try it out

 

[Bette_coquette]

Have him talk to bloved.

 

[juicypeachxx]

just tell him little things like "what of we did this ....." or "what of you said that that to me, it would really turn me on" or give him some stories on here to read to get the full idea. my honey never did any kinky things before me and he is seriously the best lover in the whole world now... thats what i did!

 

[FurryFury]

I would recommend going to the BDSM interest check list next. IMO, it's very important to make sure what you call kinky and what he calls kinky are either the same items or have been identified and discussed on everyone is on the same page.

 

[subwannabe]

You could also pick out some stories that really turn you on and have him read them.

 

[Adakgirl]

LOL you pretty much have to be a Dom to understand the mindset of a Dom and even Dominants sometimes do not understand their own mindsets, it just comes natural to them..and IMO dominants are all unique unto themselves. Perhaps you start with suggesting he read up on the topics involved? Search engines are your friends.

 

[JMohegan]

I am so turned on by the thought of my husband controlling me sexually...I love it when he gets rough like holding me down in bed and fucking me hard, when he calls me names and says nasty things to me, and I love to be forced and to have a little pain ...I am so turned on by the stories on here....how do I get him to completely understand the mindset of a dom and plan a whole evening of dom/sub play so we can try it out

Start by contemplating the mindset of a sub. Think about what it means to defer or submit.

Instead of focusing on what *you* want, give him explicit permission to do whatever *he* wants, whenever and wherever he wants to do it. Pick a safeword, and promise to use it, so he won't have to worry about going too far.

If he's in the mood for an evening watching movies, while you kneel at his feet and he strokes your hair, that's what happens. If he's in the mood for an evening of rough, nasty sex, that's what you'll get. Etc.

 

[Seurat]

I would recommend going to the BDSM interest check list next.

link?

 

[FurryFury]

link?

I got these out of the library. None of them look like the one I used back when I did it but hopefully they will work well for folks!

http://www.domsubfriends.com/library/question1.shtml

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html

http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/nchk_main.php3

 

[RuReal]

Communicate that is the most important think in all relationships and even more so in BDSM. Knowing what you want to achieve is a very important thing.

Do not get stuck on the stick of dom/sub talk about what you want to achieve and leave the titles and other crap for later. What you seem to want does not seem to be too complicated so explain and provide examples. Remember this there is no such thing as a True Dom or True Sub enjoy yourselves.

 

[satindesire]

I am so turned on by the thought of my husband controlling me sexually...I love it when he gets rough like holding me down in bed and fucking me hard, when he calls me names and says nasty things to me, and I love to be forced and to have a little pain ...I am so turned on by the stories on here....how do I get him to completely understand the mindset of a dom and plan a whole evening of dom/sub play so we can try it out

One thing that many people make the mistake of is expecting our partners to read our minds, and "just get it" when we ask a general or vague question or request something.

Unfortunately, "Just take me now" can mean one thing to you, and something totally different to your husband, and his definition may not suit yours.

So please, make sure when you talk to him about blah blah blah, you're being VERY SPECIFIC. He can't read your mind, so you'll need to explain exactly what you want him to do.

ETA: Also, I understand that sometimes it can be a little embarrassing, but part of opening up to the BDSM world is overcoming our shyness and embarrassment. In the end, it really is worth it.

 

[BiBunny]

Start by contemplating the mindset of a sub. Think about what it means to defer or submit.

Instead of focusing on what *you* want, give him explicit permission to do whatever *he* wants, whenever and wherever he wants to do it. Pick a safeword, and promise to use it, so he won't have to worry about going too far.

If he's in the mood for an evening watching movies, while you kneel at his feet and he strokes your hair, that's what happens. If he's in the mood for an evening of rough, nasty sex, that's what you'll get. Etc.

Hell may have frozen over, but I agree. Submitting has nothing to do with "getting him to dominate me." If you want kinky sex, that's cool, but I don't think telling him what to do constitutes him dominating you.

 

[ImOnIt]

Hell may have frozen over, but I agree. Submitting has nothing to do with "getting him to dominate me." If you want kinky sex, that's cool, but I don't think telling him what to do constitutes him dominating you.

No Bunny, she means real domination. Or is that real domination.

 

[BiBunny]

No Bunny, she means real domination. Or is that real domination.

Oh. Ohhhh. In that case, my bad.

 

[JMohegan]

Hell may have frozen over, but I agree. Submitting has nothing to do with "getting him to dominate me." If you want kinky sex, that's cool, but I don't think telling him what to do constitutes him dominating you.

I'll mark my calendar.


Mrs. Joseph - In all seriousness, Bunny's right. There's nothing wrong with wanting your husband to top you. Print out a bunch of checklists and stories, explain what you want, see if he'll give it a shot. Maybe ask him if he's got any previously unexplored fantasies or desires you can fulfill for him, to reciprocate.

Just don't confuse any of that with the notion of him controlling you sexually. Telling him you want him to be in charge of what goes on in the bedroom is a whole different conversation.

 

[RuReal]

I'll mark my calendar.


Mrs. Joseph - In all seriousness, Bunny's right. There's nothing wrong with wanting your husband to top you. Print out a bunch of checklists and stories, explain what you want, see if he'll give it a shot. Maybe ask him if he's got any previously unexplored fantasies or desires you can fulfill for him, to reciprocate.

Just don't confuse any of that with the notion of him controlling you sexually. Telling him you want him to be in charge of what goes on in the bedroom is a whole different conversation.

Really at this stage and with what they are doing does it really matter? She is asking for advice on how to make her experience better not to be looked down on or treated talked down to for terminology used.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Really at this stage and with what they are doing does it really matter? She is asking for advice on how to make her experience better not to be looked down on or treated talked down to for terminology used.

JMohegan wasn't talking down to her.

He was just pointing out that there is a difference between submitting and bottoming.

And it's a valid point to make.

 

[RuReal]

JMohegan wasn't talking down to her.

He was just pointing out that there is a difference between submitting and bottoming.

And it's a valid point to make.

Looking from the outside in that is not what seemed to be going on. What was it that the OP asked for in the post and what did she get as a response. Please explain how this was of help to her in what she was asking besides explaining to her that she does not understand the terms that she is using?

Considering what she seems to want in her explanation does it really matter that she used dom/sub instead of top bottom?

 

[josephs_slave]

In my original post I just was giving examples of maybe things we have done that makes me know I can trust him, and the things we have done to even lead me to consider this...I know as a sub its not about what I want and I do love to please my hubby.

 

[RuReal]

In my original post I just was giving examples of maybe things we have done that makes me know I can trust him, and the things we have done to even lead me to consider this...I know as a sub its not about what I want and I do love to please my hubby.

Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship even more so with BDSM. If you do not communicate then one does not have enough information to start things off with or build with.

Who told you being a sub is not about what you want by expressing the fact that you want to be a sub you are showing a want are you not?

Being a sub is about what you and your partner wishes it to be about not about what I or anyone else says it is about. As the trust grows and you learn more about each other things just get better to the point where there is less detailed discussion and more just knowing what to do.

Rome was not built in a day and a good relationship of any sort is not built that quickly either. I cannot say it enough communication is very key if something does not work talk about it and it is also important to talk about what does work.

 

[JMohegan]

Looking from the outside in that is not what seemed to be going on. What was it that the OP asked for in the post and what did she get as a response. Please explain how this was of help to her in what she was asking besides explaining to her that she does not understand the terms that she is using?

Considering what she seems to want in her explanation does it really matter that she used dom/sub instead of top bottom?

The specific question I addressed was: "How do I get him to completely understand the mindset of a dom?"

In my view, a guy thinking he's in charge of what goes on in the bedroom, and a guy thinking it's hot to experiment with kinky sex, are two different mindsets. You can have the second along with the first, but the first does not necessarily follow from the second.

No idea if, or how, my view was of any help.

 

[joehmpsd]

Everyone has offered excellent advice and insight, I have been involved with my wife in a D/S relationship for about fifteen years. We are not 24/7 and occasionally actually have vanilla sex. We do not get caught up in titles or labels.

In our opinion the key to our success is, I know it is a dead horse but I am going to beat it one more time, is communication. Explore what both of you like or desire together, the needs of the sub and Dom are equally important in our opinion.

Play Safe and good luck

 

[BLoved]

Have him talk to bloved.

And I would advise him to read "Introductions", especially chapters 12-23.