Marquis
Jack Dawkins
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2002
- Posts
- 10,462
Last night a sub that I have a good level of familiarity with rejected my domination in a way that really surprised me.
I made her an offer she couldn't refuse. I make dinner, she IS dessert. We're comfortable enough with each other that we do a decent amount of D/s posturing. She refers to me as Sir, and usually obeys me without question. Although she has long had submissive fantasies, I am her first explicit Dom, and I have tried to be careful not to take things too quickly with her.
We sat down to eat, and she noticed she didn't have any silverware. She got up to get some, but I stopped her. I told her she was to eat with her hands while I dined like a civilized man.
Now this is a person that has done significantly grosser things for me, but the hesitation in her body language was clear as daylight. My first reaction was to get into enforcer mode, and it must have been obvious in my body language, because she reacted to it. But not in a submissive "oh no, the bad man is going to get me" way, but rather in a "I don't want to upset you, but I am not doing this" way. A few years ago I might not have been able to tell the difference.
We were silent for a while, then I asked her to come sit next to me on the couch and tell me what was wrong. A long conversation ensued and it turned out the problem was emotional and had nothing to do with my request.
It ended up OK, but I went through a series of emotions that I am sure I will deal with again, and I am curious as to people's reactions to these situations, from both sides of the whip.
At first I felt confusion and anger over her refusal over what I saw as such a small request. I had half a mind to grab her hair and stick her face in the food, but this is a good bitch and I couldn't afford to blow her over a guilty pleasure.
As it began to occur to me that there was some reason for this that needed to be adressed, I became very concerned that if I wasn't firm with her here, pretty soon I was going to be getting topped from the bottom. Again, I can recall a big mistake I made with this in the past, where presented in this situation I would throw up my arms like a baby and promise to never ever dom the person again. That'll show 'em.
My confidence as a dom is a lot stronger than it used to be, so I can take a little rejection these days without pouting, but I still wonder if there isn't a point where you are just spoiling your sub. How do you go about giving a sub the room they sometimes need, without giving them the impression that you're going soft?
I made her an offer she couldn't refuse. I make dinner, she IS dessert. We're comfortable enough with each other that we do a decent amount of D/s posturing. She refers to me as Sir, and usually obeys me without question. Although she has long had submissive fantasies, I am her first explicit Dom, and I have tried to be careful not to take things too quickly with her.
We sat down to eat, and she noticed she didn't have any silverware. She got up to get some, but I stopped her. I told her she was to eat with her hands while I dined like a civilized man.
Now this is a person that has done significantly grosser things for me, but the hesitation in her body language was clear as daylight. My first reaction was to get into enforcer mode, and it must have been obvious in my body language, because she reacted to it. But not in a submissive "oh no, the bad man is going to get me" way, but rather in a "I don't want to upset you, but I am not doing this" way. A few years ago I might not have been able to tell the difference.
We were silent for a while, then I asked her to come sit next to me on the couch and tell me what was wrong. A long conversation ensued and it turned out the problem was emotional and had nothing to do with my request.
It ended up OK, but I went through a series of emotions that I am sure I will deal with again, and I am curious as to people's reactions to these situations, from both sides of the whip.
At first I felt confusion and anger over her refusal over what I saw as such a small request. I had half a mind to grab her hair and stick her face in the food, but this is a good bitch and I couldn't afford to blow her over a guilty pleasure.
As it began to occur to me that there was some reason for this that needed to be adressed, I became very concerned that if I wasn't firm with her here, pretty soon I was going to be getting topped from the bottom. Again, I can recall a big mistake I made with this in the past, where presented in this situation I would throw up my arms like a baby and promise to never ever dom the person again. That'll show 'em.
My confidence as a dom is a lot stronger than it used to be, so I can take a little rejection these days without pouting, but I still wonder if there isn't a point where you are just spoiling your sub. How do you go about giving a sub the room they sometimes need, without giving them the impression that you're going soft?