How to

[CandiCame]

As a sub... how can I ask someone to satisfy me?

The guy I'm "dating" right now is so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents (which is sad, because he doesn't celebrate Christmas) but we've had sex- but it seems like he's so scared to do anything, and I want to be able to experiment more, but he's so weird about it.

I haven't sucked him off; and I don't know how to ask him to do any of the humiliation stuff I'm into- let alone the pain stuff. He's way to gentle, which was cool the first time, but I wanna try something else- I'm kind of a natural sub, I want my top to be in complete control. I don't know how to talk to him about it.

 

[Licia]

As a sub... how can I ask someone to satisfy me?

My hubby has asked me in the middle of a kiss, "How may I pleasure you this evening?" Translation for us: use me. The fact that he willingly gives me that power with the threat that I just may abuse it is a turn-on. Toying with the mental aspect is fantastically suggested, but I could never truly abuse him.

The guy I'm "dating" right now is so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents (which is sad, because he doesn't celebrate Christmas) but we've had sex- but it seems like he's so scared to do anything, and I want to be able to experiment more, but he's so weird about it.

Keeping it very simple and basic when first beginning seems the easiest road. It helps to solidify the bond because like math, a couple moves from base generalities into more complicated equations. It takes practice. Also, the guy may be shy. He probably knows what he wants, but he may be embarrassed about his fantasy.

I haven't sucked him off; and I don't know how to ask him to do any of the humiliation stuff I'm into- let alone the pain stuff. He's way to gentle, which was cool the first time, but I wanna try something else- I'm kind of a natural sub, I want my top to be in complete control. I don't know how to talk to him about it.

Write an unabashed letter and stick it in his wallet. Since gentle sex is the order of the day (for now) ask him during what he liked best. Most likely, the conversation will happen before the event.

Pain stuff can be a fine line. Your top will always hold safety as a top priority if he's fitting to be in that position. Some subbies might like more than a body can handle. The both of you HAVE to discuss and negotiate.

 

[pisces_girl]

Suggest trying something new? Don't make an event of it just make it casual... as casual as something like that can be.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Is he a top or dom or vanilla?

 

[JMohegan]

As a sub... how can I ask someone to satisfy me?

The guy I'm "dating" right now is so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents (which is sad, because he doesn't celebrate Christmas) but we've had sex- but it seems like he's so scared to do anything, and I want to be able to experiment more, but he's so weird about it.

I haven't sucked him off; and I don't know how to ask him to do any of the humiliation stuff I'm into- let alone the pain stuff. He's way to gentle, which was cool the first time, but I wanna try something else- I'm kind of a natural sub, I want my top to be in complete control. I don't know how to talk to him about it.

Present it as a compliment, not a shortcoming. "You're so _____ [insert sexual praise here]. Thinking about you gives me the most wicked ideas." Instead of: "You're way too gentle, can we pick things up?"

And don't confuse the issue by pretending you want him to be in control. This is about YOU getting what YOU want. Nothing wrong with that, but actual deference is something else entirely.

 

[CandiCame]

Is he a top or dom or vanilla?

He's waaaaaaay vanilla. The other night was the first time he'd ever done anal, at all. I'm the first guy he's been with.