How to Unleash Inner Domme!

[mme_ashley]

Hi All,

My boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship, and although I have always known that he was interested in being dominated, I am not what I would call a pre-determined domme! I want to please him, but I find it strange and awkward to play "bitch" to my sub mate! I was wondering if anyone here had any suggestions as to how I can learn to enjoy dominating my submissive partner.

Thanks,
Ash

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hi All,

My boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship, and although I have always known that he was interested in being dominated, I am not what I would call a pre-determined domme! I want to please him, but I find it strange and awkward to play "bitch" to my sub mate! I was wondering if anyone here had any suggestions as to how I can learn to enjoy dominating my submissive partner.

Thanks,
Ash

Being a dominant and being a bitch are not the same. It is not a component of dominance.

Power and control are components of dominance. Also do you only intent to dominate in the bedroom? or in other areas of your relationship?

 

[Netzach]

Whoa nelly...

ok, there are two things at play here.

One is the cartoon character that most boys call "Domme" Bitch with a whip. in a latex catsuit to go get groceries, unpredictable, implacable, and a total cunt all the time.

Two is being a Dominant woman. IE: a woman who's in charge of the relationship whether that's all the time or a set time. That means if he wants to play video games and you want to go see a movie you go see a movie. That means if he wants to watch a movie and you want him to go down on you, he goes down on you. It's what you want, as normal, abnormal, kinky, vanilla, romantic or boring as YOU want.

If part of fantasy A turns you on, as it does me, then go for it. Keep in mind, via part B that you get to play at that when you want, how you want and for as long as you want. It's not because you have to, it's not because he wants you to.

You are not doing your boyfriend a favor. Get that idea out of your head. If he's submissive, and he says he is, then that means submitting. Reassure him, let him know it will be hot and exciting to let you take control, but that he has to actually let you take control. That means no whining, no endless repeating of wants, no second-guessing, no pressuring.

Don't be something you're not. If you're not a bitch, if that feels silly to you, don't be one. You can be as refined, seductive, feminine, and sexy as you feel, you don't have to be vulgar. You can be as vulgar as you feel, you don't have to be put-together. This is, I reiterate yet AGAIN....

all about you.

Daunting, isn't it? A little scary, a lot exciting.

Have fun!

 

[mme_ashley]

I apologize if I am getting my terminology wrong, I am very new to this sort of thing. I think that my boyfriend's fantasy is the full-time domination thing, but that he is generally content with me being dominant some of the time (ie. doing only what I want, accepting orders without question). I guess I'm trying to find out if we can be sexually compatible without either of us entirely comprimising our preferences. I'm pretty "vanilla" if that is the term to use...

Ash

 

[MissTaken]

Being Dominant does not mean wielding a whip, unless you love that sort of thing.

Try short periods of time where he is to do what you tell him in a sexual and non sexual manner. He can give you a bath, lotion your body, get you what you need, go down on you, and that sort of thing.

This may sound silly, but treat him like a child if he refuses i.e. going to the corner etc.

Get used to being waited on and pampered.

Oh, and there are some stories here at lit that you can read together to get a feel for what you both enjoy.

Good luck!

 

[Ebonyfire]

I apologize if I am getting my terminology wrong, I am very new to this sort of thing. I think that my boyfriend's fantasy is the full-time domination thing, but that he is generally content with me being dominant some of the time (ie. doing only what I want, accepting orders without question). I guess I'm trying to find out if we can be sexually compatible without either of us entirely comprimising our preferences. I'm pretty "vanilla" if that is the term to use...

Ash

If domination is something that is artificial to your personality, it will be hard to go against your nature.

However, if it is something you think you can explore. Try little baby steps, like requiring him to do the things you would normally do. Folks here have given you some good ideas. Try them for small bursts of time to see if you have a desire to do more.