How to "turn on" my g/f

[goldenboar]

Hi..
I am new here.. Maybe you wouldn't believe it, but I am almost 30 and it is the first time I have a date !!
The problem is, I don't know how to "deal" with my g/f.. She come from a very strict family (oriental culture) and I can not read what is her intentions.. I don't know whether she will aprove for some actions or not. Is there anyone that can give me some suggestions, indications, or tips about how to approach this kind of lady?
Any advice will be very appreciated..
Rgds,
Goldenboar

 

[Treat]

You say that you don't know how to deal with your gf? Well, in my opinion if is and still is your girlfriend, then you know how to deal with her. What the real question may be is how do you approach her in the intimate way. The only thing I can say, is talk to her about it. Just don't jump right in and try to score a home run. If the two of you have never had sex withone another the first step like I said should be to talk about it. Find out if she is ready or not to take the next step in your relationship.

There is one thing to remember and always remember when in a relationship. That is communication! Always communicate no matter what the subject or circumstance shall be. As for her family and upbringing, I can say this much. You and she just be yourselves and do not think about where the other came from and so forth. Just be yourself and enjoy one another.

 

[teresafannin]

I agree with Treat, communication is the most important thing. The man I am with now is not only the best lover I have ever had, we can talk about anything. Talk to her & let her know how you feel.Make sure she is ready to move forward & take the next step in your relationship. If you haven't had sex yet, take it slowly & ask her what makes her feel good. Good luck.

 

[Skibum]

If you ever learn how to "turn on" your girl friend, let me in on the secret. I've been married 21 years, and I still can't get it right!

 

[Whispersecret]

Here are some of my thoughts based on my own experience. If you want to turn me on, you have to do much more than be sexually skillful. You have to:

...treat me lovingly all day, everyday.

...make me feel beautiful and desired whenever you can.

...remember that foreplay goes on all the time, not just in bed.

...refrain from ogling other women on TV, in magazines, in public in front of me. That always makes me feel inferior. (Course, it's been established that feeling insecure is my natural state, however, it's still not a good idea.)

...convince me that I am the sexiest thing you've ever laid eyes on, and that you consider yourself lucky I'm even letting you look at my naked body. Note that word "CONVINCE". It's an important one. If I'm not convinced, you've made no headway at all.

I think the key is to make me feel like you want to have sex WITH ME, not just HAVE SEX for sex's sake.

Now, I've already admitted that I have a self-esteem problem, so that's probably why my suggestions all run toward boosting that. Maybe other women would disagree with me, however, that's my perspective.

[Edited by whispersecret on 08-06-2000 at 05:38 PM]

 

[RonG]

There is a lot of good advice here and let me toss in an aphorism for fun "Sex is good, Intimacy is great!" Choose which goal you really want in the relationship and work towards that.

 

[Wizard]

I'm with Skibum, I have almost 13 years and still learn everyday myself........Best thing just follow your heart...do what you think is right.....

 

[teresafannin]

Hello, I think learning every day how to please each other is a good way to spend time. I only see my sweetie on the weekends, so we make every minute count. I think Whispersecret speaks for a lot of women. I want to be cherished in all ways, not just sexually. I hope things go well with you.

 

[goldenboar]

Thanks for all of yor sincere answers.. At least it help me a lot.. I don't know whether it is possible to talk about sex directly to her, since it is considered "taboo" in our culture.. I have tried the communication methods for almost all of the subjects except sex (since it is taboo).. But, I think RonG gave a good advice also.. I must set my "compass" in order to achieve something greater..
Thanks a lot for all of your help..
Rgds,
Goldenboar

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

My biggest turn on is having a man talk to me. And not dirty talk(although that works to lol). I love a man that has witty things to say not talk about cars and sports all the time but has a very large communication skills

 

[SimplySouthern]

I agree with you BWL...a man that shows he is truly interested in you and what means something to you is the biggest turn on.

A man who makes you feel like you are wanted and desired and like you are the ONLY woman on the face of the Earth. Now that's a real man

 

[Morgoth]

Ah, Mon Cherie, Whisper, how I love you. Your beauty astounds me and roots into the deepest crevices of my brain. When I see you, my brain is to shy to even think about you, but when you go, I plead silently in my mind for your love. I have finally developed the courage to ask you. I am rooted in place by you, every curve of your body sings out to me, every cell on you jumps at me. What can I do to deserve your love? Please tell me.

 

[goldenboar]

That is really nice, Morgoth

Hi Morgoth.. That is really nice..
Here is something nice for you that I take from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet" ...
===========================
...
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he
crucify you. Even as he is for your growth
so is he for your pruning.
...
Love gives naught but itself and takes
naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
"God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love,
for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
.....

 

[morgainefairy]

if nothing else, i have learned there is more fear in asking the question than there is in whatever the reply may be. however you feel comfortable doing so, the most important thing, as treat said, is communication. i have found that what someone projects to others, especially if they are inhibited, is quite subdued. i'll bet she has some great fantasies swimming around in that pretty little head of hers. don't miss out on being a part of it!

 

[Whispersecret]

Why, Morgoth, where have you been all my life? I could almost hear that gravelly voice speaking to me with a French accent...<shivers> Come closer, and whisper in my ear. My neck is really really sensitive...


Goldenboar, I'm going to suggest a "bookmarking" method that I read about in a book called, "Nice Couples Do." You do this if one or both partners is uncomfortable talking about sex. Find a magazine or book that contains a variety of sexual descriptions, or you could just look here at Literotica, really. Have your girlfriend mark passages or stories that excite her, things she might like to try. Then, she leaves the marked book/mag for you to find. (On Literotica, she could leave a list of stories that turns her on, or cut and paste sections.)

This way she can tell you what she might like or knows she likes without ever having to say a word.

 

[Chaynne]

Talk to her! Find out if she has any fantasies, wishes, hopes, etc. But don't just jump into the subject. Lead up to it or you might turn her off for good if she's really shy!

 

[Samuari]

Ahh Whisper, Cherishing works both ways, and its rarity is the reason that escorts can charge $500/hr to make you feel good (realy realy good).

 

[poohlive]

There have been two things I have done that got a girl turned on with me.
the first was I told her the truth, about everything, and she was so turned on by it.
The second was lying, I lied through my teeth and she was so turned no by it.
Women, go figure, oh well. I hoped that answered your question, (realizing it didn't) ummm, I don't know...

 

[goldenboar]

Wow. How can telling the truth and lie at the same time??

Hi Poohlive..
I can not understand how to tell the truth and lie at the same time.. But, I think I will stick to the suggestion to talk to her slowly.. An dI always believe in an honest relationship...
Thanks for your suggestion anyway..

 

[Samuari]

I think what pooh ment was that really didn't matter what he said, they all jumped into his bed. I'll tell now that either he is lieing (again), or he has somthing really good in that pot of honey, that he guards so closly. Maybe he has Eyore set them up. You know, get them feeling so down that anything will turn them on. Be your self, man. If it works, you don't have to remember which set of lies you told. If it doesn't, do you really need to get off at the cost of your integrity?

 

[goldenboar]

Ha..ha... Good suggestion