How to tell my wife...

[michael40]

I have a very interesting situation. My wife is an ultra conservative woman when it comes to the bedroom scene. Very vanilla sex life to say the least. She is taking online classes and has a cohort of classmates she talks to on a regular basis. Anyway, she has recently mentioned one particular guy quite a bit over the past month. He lives about 30 minutes away from us and wanted to know if my wife wanted to get together to study. My wife is 36 and he is
24. I had the opportunity to meet the guy last week as we are both coaches and our teams met in a tournament. I told him I had no problem with the two meeting for dinner or studying together as I have done the same thing with classmates in my masters classes. The thought of her going out with a younger guy (even though its for studying purposes) is a turn on for me. I have always wanted my wife to explore that part of her sexualty. How can I tell her that this is a turn on for me and if the opportunity arises for her, to take advantage of the situation? Thanks for any advice.

 

[wicked woman]

Perhaps you need to separate your fantasy from her reality.

If she's very vanilla and has never expressed an interest in any way in being sexual with another man, why would you think that finding the 'right' way to tell her you're fine with it, would be all the encouragement she needs? He's a friend. They're going to study together.

Saying anything might scare her away from studying with him.


If you want to share your fantasy with your wife...which is completely different than giving her permission to go for it...feel free to do so, but keep it in the fantasy realm. Share a story with her about cuckholding or if you're watching a movie with it in it, bring it up in conversation and ask what she thinks.

But unless she expresses an interest in it, either as fantasy or in real life, I would not bring up the topic as a real life option. She's not shown any attempt to branch out and try anything new or to be open minded. Why do you think because you want this, she will now? Fantasy.

 

[subwannabe]

This could easily be one of those "be careful what you wish for"

 

[roomfor1more]

The idea might be arousing but the practicality of the situation may not be idea. To begin with the relationship is based on studying, not an attraction. This means both of them have something to lose if studying becomes complicated and it may mean your wife does not continue with her studies. Another issue is age and from my experience older women tend not to prefer young men due to their lake of maturity. While some guys may want to be with an older woman to learn, when I was in my 20s a woman who was more than 5 years older than me I had no interest in dating. This could be the situation for him. Therefore, the age difference may be a barrier for a physical attraction to form. Finally, if this is not well thought out and planned it may be one of those situations that destroys your relationship.

With that said, if you are still leaning towards trying it then the advice I would say see where things go naturally. Should there be an interest in him by your wife then you could help it along by inviting him out for dinner with your wife and you. Probably the best time would be towards the end when their studying is coming to an end due to them having different classes or their program is about to end. Then see how the evening progress and if things progress well then have him over for a nightcap. From there you can build on that and see where things go. Otherwise without a lot of supervision and without you there things could go bad quickly. In any event, in my opinion this is one situation that is best left alone.

 

[Eilan]

To begin with the relationship is based on studying, not an attraction. This means both of them have something to lose if studying becomes complicated and it may mean your wife does not continue with her studies.

I think this is a valid point, and it was actually the first thing I thought of when I saw this thread and its counterpart on HT. The class is mostly online, which changes the dynamic a bit, but there's still the potential for awkwardness if something happens between the OP's wife and the younger guy.

OP, if you're still around--encourage your wife to study with the guy. While she's gone, fantasize about the stuff they could be (but likely aren't) doing. You'll get your rocks off, and she'll get some studying done. Win-win!

At this point, though, it's probably a nonissue. Most schools' semesters/quarters are winding down this week, if they haven't already finished.

 

[Runr4Life]

I think this is a valid point, and it was actually the first thing I thought of when I saw this thread and its counterpart on HT. The class is mostly online, which changes the dynamic a bit, but there's still the potential for awkwardness if something happens between the OP's wife and the younger guy.

OP, if you're still around--encourage your wife to study with the guy. While she's gone, fantasize about the stuff they could be (but likely aren't) doing. You'll get your rocks off, and she'll get some studying done. Win-win!

At this point, though, it's probably a nonissue. Most schools' semesters/quarters are winding down this week, if they haven't already finished.

I'm with this one! If she's that conservative, and she's actually studying, it may be that she's just getting some attention from a younger guy while studying. You push too much, especially if she's not even thinking it, and you'll have more on your hands than you can handle I think..

 

[Lust Engine]

It's your fantasy. It might very well not be hers. By bringing it up could be a huge red flag to her to where you value your relationship.

It's one thing to discuss fantasies but to bring it this close to home just might not be a good idea, especially if she's conservative. An example would be where I can discuss bondage with my GF as a fantasy, but to bring home leather restraints & ball gags just might not be prudent.

Explore the options with her first long before you even start getting into specifics with her. Test the waters. She might like it or she just might want to back out. But under no circumstances disrespect her if you value her.

 

[Missingout]

My wife was on the conservative side. Maybe next time your having sex tell her that it kinda turns you on her studing with him.

I basically told my wife my friend has always fantasized about getting a bj from her it opened the door. We started to talk more openly.
Just wish it didn't take 20 years.

 

[NightL]

"How are you going to feel if he comes on to you?"
"What, are you jealous?"
"No."

but the opening line will get you started... but be careful for what you wish for...

What is it that turns you on? Do you want her to have an affair? Do you want to be a cuckold? Do you want a threesome? Do you want all the details presented to you after? Are you wanting an excuse to do the same?

What happens if she says "OK, but it is just going to be my thing. I don't want you there and I don't want to talk about it."

How would you feel if she said "you got to be kidding, he is a way too young, however there is this older business man who I have met. He is wealthy and always telling me he wants to spoil me."

But be careful for what you wish for...

 

[mrsneaky]

I actually share your fantasy. But for me, it's my wife hooking up with an ex b/f that she told me was REALLY good in bed.

She pretty much knows I want her too. But she has no interest.

 

[Eilan]

I actually share your fantasy. But for me, it's my wife hooking up with an ex b/f that she told me was REALLY good in bed.

She pretty much knows I want her too. But she has no interest.

Probably because there's a reason this guy is your wife's ex.

 

[acynlacy]

My wife was working on her masters degree at night, the college was a 45 minute drive to another town, 2 nights a week. She bumped into one of our neighbors on campus and to save gas and for safety, they started carpooling.

It was very innocent, the guy was a definite family man, but one night there was a wreck on the only highway and they were stuck for hours waiting for it to clear. Somehow the chat got personal and hand holding turned to kissing, kissing turned to petting and eventually it got oral. That's as far as it got.

My wife didn't tell me for a few weeks and I was upset a little then aroused, but I'm glad I didn't push her.