How to... Survive a Break Up.

[Mhorashty]

So.. my fiance'e broke up with me about two and a half weeks ago. I'm still broken hearted and hoping we can get back together, but she said if there was any chance of it happening it wouldn't be for 3 to 6 months. She wants to get things straight with herself, and she also wants me to get things straight with me. I'm going through a lot of psychological problems right now (Depression, Bi-Polar, Anxiety, etc). The worst part of the situation is... we live together. We share a bed, and neither one of us really has another place to go.

Ideally, I'm hoping in three months we'll be back together. But I realize that is kind of unlikely to happen. In any case. Our lease is up in 6 months. I'm trying to survive and get over everything and work on my problems and find myself again.. but every time I see her I feel like my heart is being ripped wide open.

I just don't know what to do. Any Advice?
-=Mhorashty=-

 

[mjl2010]

That's like a huge ouch man. My sympathies.

I guess I'd say there is hope. She didn't say there was NO chance of getting back together. Have you seen your therapist since the breakup? If not, call and go see him/her. You definitely don't want to drop down into a serious depression and this sort of thing can do that, as I'm sure you know.

Does your apartment have a second bedroom? If things get too uncomfortable, one of you can change rooms. In the meantime, I'd say be nice, supportive and try to keep her informed of progress you're making and encourage her to share hers as well.

Worse thing right now would be to get pushy. Hard to be patient when you're that close to her all the time and sleeping together too. Patience.

Why did she break up? A fight? Something else? Issues? Are you truly compatible? This last thing I'd give serious thought to. In your position, with your problems, it is easy to see roses where the thorns are more prevalent. Try to distance yourself from the need to be with her and take stock. Is she your ideal mate for life? And if so, why did she break up with you?

Are you taking your meds as you should be? I know several folks that are bi-polar and they never stick with them consistently. I realize the side effects can be a bitch, but if you're off them, get on them.

Good luck, I wish you well. --- See that Therapist!!!

MJL

 

[fire_breeze]

Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry for what happened! I know that those words sounds completely hollow, and I truly wish that there's something I can say and do, but all I can really do is empathize.

I'm still broken hearted and hoping we can get back together, but she said if there was any chance of it happening it wouldn't be for 3 to 6 months.

I really hate to say this, but there is a huge chance that that she may not want to get together after the 3-6 month period. As you mentioned, she may want to figure things out and re-examine her life which, as harsh as this sounds, may or may not include you.

She wants to get things straight with herself, and she also wants me to get things straight with me. I'm going through a lot of psychological problems right now (Depression, Bi-Polar, Anxiety, etc).

The most important thing for you now is to think about you - care about yourself! I also hope that you are getting the help and support that you need

The worst part of the situation is... we live together. We share a bed, and neither one of us really has another place to go.

Ideally, I'm hoping in three months we'll be back together. But I realize that is kind of unlikely to happen. In any case. Our lease is up in 6 months. I'm trying to survive and get over everything and work on my problems and find myself again.. but every time I see her I feel like my heart is being ripped wide open.
I just don't know what to do. Any Advice?

That really puts a twist over the whole matter. In my opinion, try to move out as soon as possible. I realise that's not always possible, but if you can, try to sublet your half (you didn't say if it was a one or two bedroomed place). If subletting isn't an option, then move out of the bed. Sleep in the office, on the sofa in the living-room, anywhere but in the same bed. Spend more time at your friends, where you may want to learn the art of couch-surfing. do something that you enjoy, find support where you can, go to the gym (I do my best thinking there, but that may not necessarily apply...). The point is, focus on you. Try to find a place already, so that when your lease is up, you can move out right away. Even if you do get together, it may be better to have some breathing space.

You need to take time to heal, on your terms and away from her. It may not be easy, it may take some time, but in the end, you'll pull through, of that I have no doubt. Be patient with yourself and with her. Tell her of your progress and have her tell you hers. Keep an honest and open communication between the two of you.

I don't know if any of this rambling helped. In any case, I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Dribble]

The worst part of the situation is... we live together. We share a bed, and neither one of us really has another place to go.

-=Mhorashty=-

this would kill anyone. I couldnt do it. When all else fails, there is no one else who will take care of you...so I would put my welfare ahead of hers, especially your mental well-being. She's the one that called it off. I would ask her to leave. It will either work out or not, regardless of whether she is there or not. In my opinion, she is pesently using you.

The other thing I suggest is getting on with your life. Keep it structured. Show her that you will not just sit back and die. Show her that you have no intention on crawling back. When she sees you planning on being a happy with or without her, her attitude may change.

 

[Mhorashty]

That's like a huge ouch man. My sympathies.

Thanks. It stings every bit as people imagine, and worse. As is right now. It's 3:58 am. I have to be up for work in an hour, and she's been gone since 8 p.m. Hanging out with our friends.

I guess I'd say there is hope. She didn't say there was NO chance of getting back together. Have you seen your therapist since the breakup? If not, call and go see him/her. You definitely don't want to drop down into a serious depression and this sort of thing can do that, as I'm sure you know.

Yeah. She's advising me to move out. To crash anywhere but here pretty much. It's not really helping though.

Does your apartment have a second bedroom? If things get too uncomfortable, one of you can change rooms. In the meantime, I'd say be nice, supportive and try to keep her informed of progress you're making and encourage her to share hers as well.

It does but our other roommate lives there. A friend of mine who I've known for like 10 years, but who has become like a little brother to her...

Worse thing right now would be to get pushy. Hard to be patient when you're that close to her all the time and sleeping together too. Patience.

Yeah. Been here already. Pushy was my deal for about a week and a half.

Why did she break up? A fight? Something else? Issues? Are you truly compatible? This last thing I'd give serious thought to. In your position, with your problems, it is easy to see roses where the thorns are more prevalent. Try to distance yourself from the need to be with her and take stock. Is she your ideal mate for life? And if so, why did she break up with you?

She broke up with me basically because she can't take it anymore. I've been losing it for about a year or so. Everyone around me noticed but never said anything, and when I finally made the realization (about two months ago) I started trying to get my shit in order. But it was too little too late. I would really like to distance myself. But it's so hard. Especially when I want nothing more than to be with her at all times. She is everything I could want physically, sexually, mentally.. we have our differences but they were never really major... until recently. She's kinda got this whole I wanna party thing going.. and I kinda have this whole I have to work three jobs thing going...

Are you taking your meds as you should be? I know several folks that are bi-polar and they never stick with them consistently. I realize the side effects can be a bitch, but if you're off them, get on them.

I am sticking to my meds. I know I need them. I've seen where I am without them.

Good luck, I wish you well. --- See that Therapist!!!

MJL

Thanks again.

 

[Mhorashty]

Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry for what happened! I know that those words sounds completely hollow, and I truly wish that there's something I can say and do, but all I can really do is empathize.

Thanks. I guess just having a place to unleash some thoughts and know that people actually can feel for what I'm going through and aren't just saying it to my face makes me feel a little better about things.

I really hate to say this, but there is a huge chance that that she may not want to get together after the 3-6 month period. As you mentioned, she may want to figure things out and re-examine her life which, as harsh as this sounds, may or may not include you.

Yeah. I know. It makes me sad and brings me near to tears to think about.

The most important thing for you now is to think about you - care about yourself! I also hope that you are getting the help and support that you need

I'm really trying to care about myself. But I'm hurting in ways that I can't do anything about and that I don't think I've ever hurt in before. God I sound like such a heart broken loser.

That really puts a twist over the whole matter. In my opinion, try to move out as soon as possible. I realise that's not always possible, but if you can, try to sublet your half (you didn't say if it was a one or two bedroomed place). If subletting isn't an option, then move out of the bed. Sleep in the office, on the sofa in the living-room, anywhere but in the same bed. Spend more time at your friends, where you may want to learn the art of couch-surfing. do something that you enjoy, find support where you can, go to the gym (I do my best thinking there, but that may not necessarily apply...). The point is, focus on you. Try to find a place already, so that when your lease is up, you can move out right away. Even if you do get together, it may be better to have some breathing space.

Can't sublet my half. I could sleep out on the sofa bed. It's not the most comfortable thing in the word. But I could easily do it I suppose. The main problem with spending more time at my friends is that at this point they are as much her friends as mine. I do have a gym membership. Yeah I think you might be right about getting a new place even if we get back together...

You need to take time to heal, on your terms and away from her. It may not be easy, it may take some time, but in the end, you'll pull through, of that I have no doubt. Be patient with yourself and with her. Tell her of your progress and have her tell you hers. Keep an honest and open communication between the two of you.

I don't know how to take time to heal. I hate myself for letting things get this bad. I hate her for not shaking me and screaming at me and letting me know how bad things were getting. I hate my friends for sitting back and watching me spiral out of control and not saying a thing... I just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know if any of this rambling helped. In any case, I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks for the well wishes. Like I said prior, having a chance to just spill my thoughts and guts to some faceless people does kinda help.

 

[Mhorashty]

this would kill anyone. I couldnt do it. When all else fails, there is no one else who will take care of you...so I would put my welfare ahead of hers, especially your mental well-being. She's the one that called it off. I would ask her to leave. It will either work out or not, regardless of whether she is there or not. In my opinion, she is pesently using you.

The other thing I suggest is getting on with your life. Keep it structured. Show her that you will not just sit back and die. Show her that you have no intention on crawling back. When she sees you planning on being a happy with or without her, her attitude may change.

It's definitely doing a number on me. I know I can't count on anyone else taking care of me... but I've always put her and everyone else before me. Made sure everyone else was okay before worrying about myself. That's why I don't know how things got this fucked. I would ask her to leave but as much tearing my heart apart as seeing her everyday is, not seeing her would be worse. Man. No wonder I can't get help. I make excuses for everything.

She is definitely using me. Me and my hopes of getting her back. I bought her breakfast and dinner today. I still worry about her. I still care about her. I'd still give her my last breath. She knows it. Damn, I'm a chump.

I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to show her that I'm not going to die without her... but it certainly doesn't feel that way. I need to get myself motivated. I need to get myself turned around and quick. I just wish I knew how to do it. I wish I could get my heart to stop hurting.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[Dribble]

I would ask her to leave but as much tearing my heart apart as seeing her everyday is, not seeing her would be worse. Man. No wonder I can't get help. I make excuses for everything.

She is definitely using me.

Breakups suck...and it is easy to sit here and say I would be doing something different...but in reality, that isnt the way love works.

But what I do know...if you keep going this way you will build up animosity, which will further destroy communication...and can even lead to worse feelings. Let me ask you a question. Even if it doesnt work out...would you still want to be friends? If the answer is yes, be careful letting her use you.

 

[fire_breeze]

I could sleep out on the sofa bed. It's not the most comfortable thing in the word. But I could easily do it I suppose.

Do it. It may not be the world's most comfortable bed, but at the moment, sharing one bed may not be the wisest course of action for either of you.

God I sound like such a heart broken loser.

You may be broken-hearted, but you are hardly a loser. As Dribble said, break-ups suck and they are hard on your soul, regardless of the circumstance, who did it, the reasons and so forth. I highly doubt that the hurt qualifies you as a loser, as you put it.

I just don't know what to do anymore

There may not be much to say, except perhaps read the advice of the other posters, take it slow, be patient and take care of yourself. And as clichéd as this sounds, there's nothing more you can do except to take one day at a time.
I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Mhorashty]

I'm really thankful for the advice. I keep asking my friends questions that I think are silly and I still have a lot of the same feelings for her and I just can't find away to curb myself. Like last night, she left at 8, I went to bed at like 11 and when I woke up at 4 and she was still gone, I called to make sure she was okay. I found myself a little annoyed that she was still out at 4 and quickly tried to reprimand myself for it, because it's none of my business really what she does anymore.

I miss having someone to curl up next too at night. Even though we still share a bed, we force ourselves to the edges, and at night when I end up migrating to her side (which I do and have always done) she'll nudge me till I wake up and realize what I did and then I'll move back to my side. It's heart breaking. Each and every time.

Everyone is giving me different advice and I just don't know who's is right:

One friend told me to move on and go find someone else to sleep with.
Another told me to find things that make me happy and do those.
Another told me to go out and make friends that we don't share.
My therapist told me to take my mind of off things by getting lost in movies or TV shows to give myself a break.
Someone else told me to move out no matter what it takes.
My mom wants me to move back home but I haven't lived there in over 3 years and I don't think I could take the constant reporting in and dirty looks if I do choose to find someone to sleep with. Not to mention the whole having to admit I live at home thing.
Then there are the suggestions here, some of which echo others that were made that I haven't listed.
I just feel so lost.
As if every stable thing under my feet is gone. I still try to spend time with her cause we're "trying to be friends" and she's very physical and affectionate with our friends, and I'm a very physical and affectionate person and every time I touch her she tenses up and it wrenches my heart that much harder.
Not to mention it seems like every time I'm around she makes some kind of insensitive comment directly aimed at hurting me. But sometimes it seems like things will be okay, like this afternoon before I had to go to work we were sitting at our computers working on something and she started singing along to some Cake song and seemed to totally forget I was there to the point of dancing in her chair and when she opened her eyes we both just burst out laughing... then tonight after work I found out ALL of OUR FRIENDS (including ones who live in different states) were all going bowling together so I called her twice to try and make sure she knew. I got no answer and then when I showed up a 1/2 hour later she was there hanging out and I asked why she didn't answer when I called and she just kinda brushed me off and seemed completely annoyed that I was there. So much to the point that I left. Then two hours later we're playing guitar hero II at a friend's (the only one who didn't go, that's where I went when I left) and everything was cool. Then when I left I was all like, "See ya at home." and she just gave me a dirty look.

I mean seriously? WTF?
I realize I screwed up. I realize she's pissed off about some things. I realize we aren't together. But just based on what I've posted above I have to look at it and go "...and I'm the one on meds for being Bi-Polar?"

 

[mjl2010]

I'm really thankful for the advice. I keep asking my friends questions that I think are silly and I still have a lot of the same feelings for her and I just can't find away to curb myself. Like last night, she left at 8, I went to bed at like 11 and when I woke up at 4 and she was still gone, I called to make sure she was okay. I found myself a little annoyed that she was still out at 4 and quickly tried to reprimand myself for it, because it's none of my business really what she does anymore.

I miss having someone to curl up next too at night. Even though we still share a bed, we force ourselves to the edges, and at night when I end up migrating to her side (which I do and have always done) she'll nudge me till I wake up and realize what I did and then I'll move back to my side. It's heart breaking. Each and every time.

Everyone is giving me different advice and I just don't know who's is right:

One friend told me to move on and go find someone else to sleep with.
Another told me to find things that make me happy and do those.
Another told me to go out and make friends that we don't share.
My therapist told me to take my mind of off things by getting lost in movies or TV shows to give myself a break.
Someone else told me to move out no matter what it takes.
My mom wants me to move back home but I haven't lived there in over 3 years and I don't think I could take the constant reporting in and dirty looks if I do choose to find someone to sleep with. Not to mention the whole having to admit I live at home thing.
Then there are the suggestions here, some of which echo others that were made that I haven't listed.
I just feel so lost.
As if every stable thing under my feet is gone. I still try to spend time with her cause we're "trying to be friends" and she's very physical and affectionate with our friends, and I'm a very physical and affectionate person and every time I touch her she tenses up and it wrenches my heart that much harder.
Not to mention it seems like every time I'm around she makes some kind of insensitive comment directly aimed at hurting me. But sometimes it seems like things will be okay, like this afternoon before I had to go to work we were sitting at our computers working on something and she started singing along to some Cake song and seemed to totally forget I was there to the point of dancing in her chair and when she opened her eyes we both just burst out laughing... then tonight after work I found out ALL of OUR FRIENDS (including ones who live in different states) were all going bowling together so I called her twice to try and make sure she knew. I got no answer and then when I showed up a 1/2 hour later she was there hanging out and I asked why she didn't answer when I called and she just kinda brushed me off and seemed completely annoyed that I was there. So much to the point that I left. Then two hours later we're playing guitar hero II at a friend's (the only one who didn't go, that's where I went when I left) and everything was cool. Then when I left I was all like, "See ya at home." and she just gave me a dirty look.

I mean seriously? WTF?
I realize I screwed up. I realize she's pissed off about some things. I realize we aren't together. But just based on what I've posted above I have to look at it and go "...and I'm the one on meds for being Bi-Polar?"

Don't call her. Don't talk to her more than you have to. Don't do anything. At this point, it's all pushing her. Go live with your mother. It won't kill you to do that for six months or until you can get yourself on your own feet again.

The worst thing you can do is stay focused on her. She shows up at something with your friends, be the one who is annoyed at her, not the other way around.

The thing is, you need to be helping yourself and apparently she doesn't want to help you or want you close right now. Step away. Most of all, be the man that you can respect. The more I read from you, the more I think, he needs to be apart from her and move on.

Someone says something about moving back home, just shrug and say, "Yep. Had to get away from X and that was the quickest way to do it. Then change the subject. If it's no big deal to you, then why should be a big deal to anyone else.

Why allow HER to impede any chance of YOU getting your shit together? You just so need to get away. Takes guts and balls, yeah. But do it. Then get your shit together and back on your own two feet again.

MJL

Edit: Being friends after a breakup means in the beginning, being cordial, polite and not screaming at each other in public. It does not mean calling her to tell her about a bowling night out. Do not look for excuses to call her. LET HER GO!

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[emptynester]

Mhorashty, it sounds to me like she wants everything on her terms.

It is true what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. At this point she knows you are going to be there, to always be the one to call. Try and give her some space; don't make the call even though you feel like you can't make it without talking to her or checking up on her. Set short term goals such as not calling for a day. If you succeed then set another goal of just one more day. You will be able to tell fairly quickly what her response is going to be.

Remember the quote "if you love someone set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't, they never were." There is a lot of truth in that. If she loves you and is only trying to get back at you or for some reason trying to hurt you, making yourself a little less available may be the wake-up call she needs.

Be prepared for any outcome. As difficult as it may seem at the moment, sometimes a break is exactly what a relationship needs.

My oldest and his girlfriend (now wife) broke up at least a half a dozen times. He was a pain to be around when they were fussing and a bigger pain to be around when they were broke up. He didn't know what he wanted or I should say he was afraid of making that commitment.

I always gave her support when she called. I would tease her and tell her she could do better. When she finally told him she was going to get on with her life, that was the wake-up call he needed. He couldn't stand it when she didn't call him to check up on him. He was constantly wondering what she was doing or who she was with.

It was the longest three days we all had to endure. LOL I am not trying to make light of your situation. I sense your pain in every post.

Just remember, it is best for you at the moment to find out now what her true feelings are. You are only going to feel worse as time goes on not knowing for sure whether there is still a chance of getting back together.

IMO, it would be much worse to end up in a life long relationship with someone who doesn't love you back than it would to have to end it now and search for that someone who completes you.

 

[Mhorashty]

Every night living in this situation causes me more heart ache and heart break than I think I can take. Yet still... I come home to it and welcome it, each and every time. I think tonight might have been the straw. Fuck my credit. Fuck my pets. I think I've finally had enough.

 

[SweetErika]

Every night living in this situation causes me more heart ache and heart break than I think I can take. Yet still... I come home to it and welcome it, each and every time. I think tonight might have been the straw. Fuck my credit. Fuck my pets. I think I've finally had enough.

I think that (the bold part) is going to be a very good thing for you.

You deserve better than to be used and abused, which it sounds like she's doing. You're working three jobs while she's partying? Does she contribute her third of the household, and pay all of her own, expenses, or are you picking up the slack?

I understand people react in different ways, but it sounds like she's constantly pouring salt into your wounds with the cruel comments and actions. I can't imagine someone who liked you as a person would do that. When I end (or decline) a relationship, I try to be as sensitive and caring as possible. I'm not my usual self, but I do what I can, within reason, to make it easier for the other person.

If her point of breaking up with you was to give you time to get your mental health in order, why isn't she trying to make that easier for you by being compassionate? If she knows and cares about your health, then how can she not realize exacerbating your pain is likely distracting you from getting on the road to wellness?

I'm sorry if this is negative, but I just can't fathom treating someone the way it sounds like she's treating you, ESPECIALLY if I were concerned enough about that person's stability to break it off.

Don't fuck up your credit (trust me on this!), and find a good home for your pets if there's no way you can care for them or take them with you, but looking at her behavior may just help you realize this breakup could very well be a blessing in disguise and heal your wounds.

 

[Mhorashty]

I think that (the bold part) is going to be a very good thing for you.

You deserve better than to be used and abused, which it sounds like she's doing. You're working three jobs while she's partying? Does she contribute her third of the household, and pay all of her own, expenses, or are you picking up the slack?

I understand people react in different ways, but it sounds like she's constantly pouring salt into your wounds with the cruel comments and actions. I can't imagine someone who liked you as a person would do that. When I end (or decline) a relationship, I try to be as sensitive and caring as possible. I'm not my usual self, but I do what I can, within reason, to make it easier for the other person.

If her point of breaking up with you was to give you time to get your mental health in order, why isn't she trying to make that easier for you by being compassionate? If she knows and cares about your health, then how can she not realize exacerbating your pain is likely distracting you from getting on the road to wellness?

I'm sorry if this is negative, but I just can't fathom treating someone the way it sounds like she's treating you, ESPECIALLY if I were concerned enough about that person's stability to break it off.

Don't fuck up your credit (trust me on this!), and find a good home for your pets if there's no way you can care for them or take them with you, but looking at her behavior may just help you realize this breakup could very well be a blessing in disguise and heal your wounds.

Most of what you've said, I've said to our friends (at least the ones I've talked to enough to realize that they still care about me), and they've all given me the same old song and dance about how she really does care about me and how she still loves me, and it's just that things weren't working, etc. I've said almost the exact things, word for fucking word (the bold parts). They just kinda brushed it off, and it makes me feel like crap and like my friends don't really care either.

As far as the pet's go, technically they (2 cats) are OUR pets. Only if I move into my mom's I won't be able to take them which means I have to leave them at the apartment. I spent a week living at a friend of mines and didn't realize how much I would miss them till they weren't around. So, it's just one of those weird situations where she doesn't want to split them up (the older one was a no kids, no other pets cat when we adopted her. About a year or so later we introduced a kitten to the household and she's really developed a strong motherly instinct regarding her, so that's why my ex doesn't want them split) and I doubt she's just going to be like here take them.

And as far as my credit goes, I'm on the lease. The lease is up in 6 months. I really don't feel like I should be paying money for a place that I am not living at, so I may have to try to get in touch with our landlord and see if I can get off the lease.. and in part I'll feel bad because that'll make the rent jump a hundred and fifty bucks for both my friend and my ex... and then I hate myself for caring about how she'll cover the rent...

 

[Millificent]

*hugs*

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.

You both seem to be at different points in your life. Perhaps this is the best course right now.

If it's possible, go live with your mom. I understand about the lease though. If it's not possible, sleep on the couch. Distance yourself. I know it's hard. Especially since you still care about her. And it's perfectly normal that you do.

Work on you. Do things that you enjoy. Hang out with your friends and don't worry if she's there or not. Say a polite hello and leave her alone. Don't let her try to make you uncomfortable. They are your friends too.

Be prepared that things might not work out.

*hugs* again.

 

[Mhorashty]

Update

UPDATE

I will be moving out of the apartment within a week and hopefully begin healing and turning myself into the person I want to be. I want to say thank you to all of you who've left comments in effort to help me. Thank You. I will probably loose the internet for a week or two, I'm going back to my Mom's and she doesn't have the internet yet, but it's something I'll be calling about on Friday.

-=Mhorashty=-

 

[fire_breeze]

UPDATE

I will be moving out of the apartment within a week and hopefully begin healing and turning myself into the person I want to be. I want to say thank you to all of you who've left comments in effort to help me. Thank You. I will probably loose the internet for a week or two, I'm going back to my Mom's and she doesn't have the internet yet, but it's something I'll be calling about on Friday.

-=Mhorashty=-

Good for you! and once again, the best of luck, with everything...

 

[StonetheCrow077]

My three step program to getting over a break up...

1. Work - throw yourself into it...
2. Beer - drink lots of it!
3. Sex - get laid

of course, with depression and being Bi - polar, you might wanna skip the beer part...

 

[Mhorashty]

My three step program to getting over a break up...

1. Work - throw yourself into it...
2. Beer - drink lots of it!
3. Sex - get laid

of course, with depression and being Bi - polar, you might wanna skip the beer part...

LOL
That is exactly what my friend Chris said, except instead of beer he suggested a bit of the Cap'n.

I have three jobs I can devote a good portion of time to now, I also have joined a gym and starting next week I WILL make it there three times a week. I also have a Halloweenish story I'm working on writing for here. I have a novel I really want to start working on. I have an idea or two for brand new Role-Playing Games that I should really work on and try and get published. I've been friending people like crazy on MySpace just so I have new people to talk to who aren't in any way familiar with my ex. I've been making plans to hang out with friends (my gaming friends, who aren't friends with her). I have all kinds of things and plans and ideas and wants and needs and desires... and it's about time I did something about it.

 

[manstoked]

Your relationship is completely over. Hate to say it, but it is. Even if you get back together and get married, there will always be a lingering doubt in your mind. Even if she completely comes back your way there will be an underlying resentment inside you. You owe it to yourself to find someone who is completely happy with who you are. There are too many women out there who are still looking for their guy and the odds are good that one of them is a better match for you.

You gave it a good shot. You gave it your all and it was close right? It almost worked but it didn't. And that's really all there is to it.

So +1 on Stone's advice #1. Now is a good opportunity to redefine your life on your terms. If you don't like your work find work that you feel is important in defining who you are. Good thing it sounds like you are already doing this.

Being a well defined guy does wonders for finding the right woman.

Stay away from the booze. Beer goggles can only lead to bad choices down the road.

The getting laid thing. I don't really know... be careful. You want to stay disease free if you already are, that's for sure. Better just to be satisfied knowing you can be comfortable keeping good company with beautiful women. The sex thing can create pressures that get in the way. If you click great, but otherwise concentrate on getting to know (I mean really know) as many girls as possible. Make them seek you out for sex rather than the other way around.


Oh... and get your mom the internet. Bet she'd like it.

 

[HockeyShark]

Time.

We have all been there and it SUCKS.

 

[Peregrinator]

Riles