How To Seduce Women.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Pay attention, cuz one of the Usual Suspects is certain to complain to LADY G.

LESSON 1

1. If you wanna bag a deer or an antelope yuh gotta go where the deer and the antelope play.

No solo sailing around the world. No playing hermit atop Mt. Everest.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

LESSON 2

Once you've located the fishes, you bait your hook and wait. Patience is everything with women. You wanna project a look that says, I'M AVAILABLE. If youre desperate youll attract one kind of fish, if youre needy youll get something else, even a drug addicted mommas boy will get bites. Be the lid to her pot.

If youre her lid come true, she'll move in close to attract your attention. BE PATIENT AND ALERT.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

LESSON 3

Once she's in close proximity, close enough to converse with normally, say something totally outrageous. The trick is to be sincere and in awe. Like, YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LEGS I'VE EVER SEEN. MY GOD I WISH I COULD TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO SOMEWHERE AND FUCK? I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WASHER WORKS, CAN YOU HELP ME?

Females say the same kinds of things when theyre interested. Its where I learned it. Including CAN I TAKE YOU HOME AND FUCK YOU? And females are even bolder, they'll stroke your leg with their foot under the table. Or my favorite I HOPE YOURE NOT USING MY SHOE SHINE TO TRY AND LOOK UP MY SKIRT. Or stand in front of the door and say, WHATS YOUR HURRY? Say or do something to aim the encounter where you want it to go.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

LESSON 4

Once youre confident she's interested what you wanna do is isolate her. Move her from the bar to a booth. Move her from the conference room to your office. Move her from the reception hall to your car. Move her from the living room to the bedroom. I call it SHIFTING CONTEXTS and INFLUENCING WITH INTEGRITY.

The idea isn't to rape her, the idea is to steer things towards the outcome both of you want. Especially if she's married or has a partner she's devoted to. She needs plausible deniability if she's caught, and a sanctuary where she cant be caught.

 

[imemkay]

What's Lesson 5? Are you going to show her the bottom of the pit you've dug in your basement?

Don't forget to say to her "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again." as you lower the lotion down to her. That's a real panty dropper!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh sweet Jesus. More pearls of wisdom from a miserable old coot.

Why not finish the thread you started last week? Couldn't handle a larger audience when it was moved??

Where did it go? You seem to have your nose pressed tight upon managements ass and shoulda heard its dulcet tones when it erupted.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What's Lesson 5? Are you going to show her the bottom of the pit you've dug in your basement?

Don't forget to say to her "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again." as you lower the lotion down to her. That's a real panty dropper!

Relax.

You must either be 18 or already locked inside your convent cell not to know how the game is played. Maybe I touched a nerve. Maybe you never had a date.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So tight I can taste it.

Its common knowledge.

 

[Christopher2012]

What's Lesson 5? Are you going to show her the bottom of the pit you've dug in your basement?

Don't forget to say to her "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again." as you lower the lotion down to her. That's a real panty dropper!

Silence of the Lambs! Oh snap!

I've never seen it but Doug Benson does this hilarious bit about the movie.

 

[imemkay]

Relax.

You must either be 18 or already locked inside your convent cell not to know how the game is played. Maybe I touched a nerve. Maybe you never had a date.

Oh that's me alright. Just sitting in my little cell crying over the fact that I've never been touched by a "real man" like you.

I'm well past 18 and have been on my fair share of dates. I know enough about the game to know that men who go around bragging about their prowess are really just tiny little insecure men who want to puff themselves up in somebody's eyes.

Real men respect women. Real men don't have to play games or try to trick women into their beds; trust me, they'll go willingly.

I'm sorry that your mama didn't love you. On the bright side, your Neanderthal-like behavior should provide a pretty good lesson for the rest of us to teach our daughters. Thanks for that!

 

[imemkay]

That's lesson 6, imemkay! Silly sausage!

Lesson 4 was isolating her, Lesson 5 is drugging her. Lesson 6 is dropping her in the pit.

How could I forget the drugs! <shakes fist> How else are the guys supposed to get the girls in the trunks of their cars - I mean you don't want them screaming and drawing attention.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh that's me alright. Just sitting in my little cell crying over the fact that I've never been touched by a "real man" like you.

I'm well past 18 and have been on my fair share of dates. I know enough about the game to know that men who go around bragging about their prowess are really just tiny little insecure men who want to puff themselves up in somebody's eyes.

Real men respect women. Real men don't have to play games or try to trick women into their beds; trust me, they'll go willingly.

I'm sorry that your mama didn't love you. On the bright side, your Neanderthal-like behavior should provide a pretty good lesson for the rest of us to teach our daughters. Thanks for that!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I cant put my finger on the time when I ever invited your favors or those of your friends. Help me out!

Sour grapes? I wonder.

 

[TeaforMe]

LESSON 4

Once youre confident she's interested what you wanna do is isolate her. Move her from the bar to a booth. Move her from the conference room to your office. Move her from the reception hall to your car. Move her from the living room to the bedroom. I call it SHIFTING CONTEXTS and INFLUENCING WITH INTEGRITY.

This is a RED FLAG to all women! Don't let a man isolate you or manipulate you into being somewhere you are not comfortable...EVER.

I call it MANIPULATION and PREPARATIONS FOR RAPE.

Seriously.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This is a RED FLAG to all women! Don't let a man isolate you or manipulate you into being somewhere you are not comfortable...EVER.

I call it MANIPULATION and PREPARATIONS FOR RAPE.

Seriously.

Of course you call it that, youre not paying attention, youre reacting to code words instead of thinking.

 

[NotHisLady]

Ok, I have to admit I must belong in a special class or something, I'm still trying to sort out how we moved from Deer/Antelope to Fish to Pot and all of that turned into women.

Then there's this business of him saying "Where did it go" about the other thread he started and sort of implying that it had been pulled down but it's still right here

I certainly think there should be some sort of caveat at the beginning of this dissertation or at the very least a sub-title. This isn't How to Seduce Women, it's How to Increase Your Chances of Having Sex with a Lonely and/or Desperate Woman (Who Will Regret it Afterwards.)

Gentlemen:
If you are reading this in earnest and have NOT been tipped off yet by the mug shot AV, this is not good advice. Assuming it is your goal to find a lady with whom to have a serious intimate relationship there is very little here that will help you.
The best thing to keep in mind is this--Do you really want a woman you can get by treating her that way?

Ladies:
On the off chance that some poor guy IS reading this in earnest, may I suggest that we try and put together for him some decent advice to counter this offal?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ok, I have to admit I must belong in a special class or something, I'm still trying to sort out how we moved from Deer/Antelope to Fish to Pot and all of that turned into women.

Then there's this business of him saying "Where did it go" about the other thread he started and sort of implying that it had been pulled down but it's still right here

I certainly think there should be some sort of caveat at the beginning of this dissertation or at the very least a sub-title. This isn't How to Seduce Women, it's How to Increase Your Chances of Having Sex with a Lonely and/or Desperate Woman (Who Will Regret it Afterwards.)

Gentlemen:
If you are reading this in earnest and have NOT been tipped off yet by the mug shot AV, this is not good advice. Assuming it is your goal to find a lady with whom to have a serious intimate relationship there is very little here that will help you.
The best thing to keep in mind is this--Do you really want a woman you can get by treating her that way?

Ladies:
On the off chance that some poor guy IS reading this in earnest, may I suggest that we try and put together for him some decent advice to counter this offal?

This is the best advice guys can ever get. And why it annoys the HT Old Maids.

 

[IhateClowns]

Ok, I have to admit I must belong in a special class or something, I'm still trying to sort out how we moved from Deer/Antelope to Fish to Pot and all of that turned into women.

Then there's this business of him saying "Where did it go" about the other thread he started and sort of implying that it had been pulled down but it's still right here

I certainly think there should be some sort of caveat at the beginning of this dissertation or at the very least a sub-title. This isn't How to Seduce Women, it's How to Increase Your Chances of Having Sex with a Lonely and/or Desperate Woman (Who Will Regret it Afterwards.)

Gentlemen:
If you are reading this in earnest and have NOT been tipped off yet by the mug shot AV, this is not good advice. Assuming it is your goal to find a lady with whom to have a serious intimate relationship there is very little here that will help you.
The best thing to keep in mind is this--Do you really want a woman you can get by treating her that way?

Ladies:
On the off chance that some poor guy IS reading this in earnest, may I suggest that we try and put together for him some decent advice to counter this offal?

So DON'T follow this advice? I am really confused. If this does t work then how else do I get women to fall into the fetal position without mumbling "get off of me" as I am lubricating my semi with the back of my knee sweat?

Women are so confusing.

 

[subdued_passion]

Ok, I have to admit I must belong in a special class or something, I'm still trying to sort out how we moved from Deer/Antelope to Fish to Pot and all of that turned into women.

Then there's this business of him saying "Where did it go" about the other thread he started and sort of implying that it had been pulled down but it's still right here

I certainly think there should be some sort of caveat at the beginning of this dissertation or at the very least a sub-title. This isn't How to Seduce Women, it's How to Increase Your Chances of Having Sex with a Lonely and/or Desperate Woman (Who Will Regret it Afterwards.)

Gentlemen:
If you are reading this in earnest and have NOT been tipped off yet by the mug shot AV, this is not good advice. Assuming it is your goal to find a lady with whom to have a serious intimate relationship there is very little here that will help you.
The best thing to keep in mind is this--Do you really want a woman you can get by treating her that way?

Ladies:
On the off chance that some poor guy IS reading this in earnest, may I suggest that we try and put together for him some decent advice to counter this offal?

Hear hear!

Motion seconded and passed.

 

[NotHisLady]

This is the best advice guys can ever get. And why it annoys the HT Old Maids.

I'll grant you the first and second are fairly sound. Everything past that would get you maced if it were me.
Call me whatever names you like, I'm no old maid--I'm a grown woman who only wants to deal with grown men.
These are little boy games. I have absolutely no doubt that you have "landed some fish" or "brought down a few deer" or "put the lid on some pots" doing things like this. I'm equally sure you will go right on doing it and thinking you've made some sort of conquest in the process.

Here's the basic flaw in all this beautiful logic.

You don't seem to understand that women are PEOPLE just like you are, not fish or deer or pots.

So when you are lining up your shot next time, you just think on what I said before.

DO YOU REALLY WANT A WOMAN WHO CAN BE HAD BY TREATING HER THIS WAY?

 

[subdued_passion]

DO YOU REALLY WANT A WOMAN WHO CAN BE HAD BY TREATING HER THIS WAY?

Give the old guy a break. He's doing his best with the hand he was dealt... Besides, I can't help thinking that Ted Bundy was probably his role model growing up.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Give the old guy a break. He's doing his best with the hand he was dealt... Besides, I can't help thinking that Ted Bundy was probably his role model growing up.

*tucks penis in between legs Buffalo Bill style*

 

[Lord Pmann]

This thread could also be called HOW TO RAPE A WOMAN, by some doddering old goat.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This thread could also be called HOW TO RAPE A WOMAN, by some doddering old goat.

Actually I decided to make it about RAINSHINE, I'm changing her name to SISTER BESSIE RICE the female preacher in TOBACCO ROAD who has no nose.

What in hell can you possibly know about rape or even sex?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Actually I decided to make it about RAINSHINE, I'm changing her name to SISTER BESSIE RICE the female preacher in TOBACCO ROAD who has no nose.

What in hell can you possibly know about rape or even sex?

BWHAHAHAHAHA. Oh shit. You just asked me what the hell I could possibly know about rape, as if that's a bad thing.

Sorry Rainshine, I know you probably ache to be drugged, hauled back to a dark house and raped, but as you've just been outed, I know nothing about rape. I am a poser. Such a poser.

*puts down rope, duct tape and chloroform*
*walks away in sad, Charlie Brown manner*

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm still laughing like crazy that I was just chastised for knowing nothing about rape. Or as it was put, "rape or even sex", as if sex was the second step, after rape. I mean, rape is first base. Just a greenhorn. Maybe one day I'll not only know how to rape, but I'll also know how to have sex. One can only dream.

I'm flattered your rape fantasies are about me, but I prefer my rapists a little bit less..... senile.

I've always strived to be the "gentleman rapist". I light candles. Even leave a callback number.