How to orgasm

[sexyvixen1987]

Hi everyone,

I'm going to cut right to the chase: I have never orgasmed. I've only masturbated, never been with another person, but no matter what I try it just doesn't seem to work. I get myself all worked up and then the feeling just recedes. Even if I keep going, hoping it will come back it doesn't. Most of the time I just get bored after a while and then stop. It doesn't make any sense, I get turned on just fine and the first like ten minutes of masturbation feel really good but I can't get anywhere after that. Any suggestions you guys have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

[SweetErika]

1) Relax, relax, relax. Do whatever it takes to relax fully and enjoy the process, instead of pinning your hopes on an end-result, like orgasming. Orgasm will happen when it happens. Worrying about it or trying to force it will be counterproductive.

2) When it stops feeling really good, or you feel the need to take a break, take a short break. Your body probably just needs time to re-sensitize and your mind likely needs to refocus.

3) Fantasize, liberally. Getting involved in hot fantasies will also help you avoid getting bored and distracted by the 'Why isn't it happening yet?' thoughts.

4) If you haven't tried a really good vibrator yet, give one a shot. Many women (yes, even those in their 30s and beyond) have their very first orgasms with a vibe like the Hitachi Magic Wand; if you put the $55 or so into an incredibly reliable multitasker like that (with the blue attachments), you may find it's the only vibe you ever actually need. Some people simply need more stimulation than a hand, mouth, penetration or weaker vibe can provide; if you might be one of them, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

5) Enjoy yourself and repeat the steps until you find the perfect combination for your mind and body. The fact that what you're doing now feels good is a very positive sign, so see what happens when you try new things and adjust the other ingredients.

 

[Cathleen]

Welcome to Lit.,sexyvixen.


How do you masturbate now? Where? Do you use anything? Do you have time and privacy?

 

[sexyvixen1987]

Thanks for the tips Erica!

Cathleen: I masturbate in my room, it's fairly private. I have a roommate but she usually just hangs out in her room rarely bothers me. I turn on the radio to make sure that she can't hear me if I accidentally make some noise but I'm naturally pretty quiet.

I do have a cheap vibrator, I think it's a pocket rocket. I have the same problem with it, I'll use it for like five minutes and at first I'll find some really amazing spots on my clit that just make me want to jump off the bed but then I lose it.

 

[vrosej10]

Are you using a vib? If so, try without it. That is exactly what happens to me if I use a vib.

 

[pinkflames]

In my early days I used to take a good 25 minutes or more to orgasm. I found the best way for me was to lose myself in the dirtiest fantasy I could conjure up and be persistent with the stimulation. It does get easier with time as your body learns to let go.

 

[jtf71961]

maybe try a vibe a little stronger, than what you have now. Some women's clits are not as sensitive as others and need a little more.

 

[littlebabyclit]

SexyVixen1987, I have the same problem as you, and almost the same exact problems with the masturbation efforts. Only I've had this problem longer than you've been alive. So, although I have no great help to offer you (previous suggestions here were already very good anyways) I'm here to support you. I will continue to read this thread with interest.

Okay, maybe I do have a few thoughts. I really relate to what you're saying about getting bored. When you can be alone, I suggest watching porn, if you don't already. I was never a fan of porn originally but it does help with getting past the boredom factor and to help you stay lubed (in addition to whatever lubricant you may be using.) You may find certain porn scenarios or fantasies start to appeal to you. To start, there's lots of free porn (short) videos on the web. Video clips are from 1 minuite all the way up to 45 minutes long. Porn helps keep the mind on track. No matter how dumb I find a lot of porn, somehow, since I'm hetero, it still helps sometimes to see those close up shots of a penis sliding in and out of a wet, pretty pussy. It's primal.

You said you've been with no one else sexually yet. Just curious, what's going on with that? Saving yourself for marriage, or some other reason ? Do you feel inadequate because of not having orgasms?

Hope you report back how things are going for you. Best wishes.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Oh, I had one more thing to add. Keep going with the masturbation. Work past the boredom factor. Try to do it when the mood strikes you, don't put it off. I stopped for years and that wasn't good. I am a firm believer now that practice makes perfect. Masturbation is getting better for me, because I'm applying myself to it regularly now.

Think of learning how to play yourself, like a musical instrument. It takes practice, practice, practice ! LOL

 

[sexyvixen1987]

Thanks for all the great suggestions guys.

LBC: Sucks to know your stuck with the same problem but it is good to know I'm not alone. I've been reading a lot of lit stories while masturbating or just general fantasizing. I've tried the watching porn thing and I find that it kind of bores me. I think the issue with that might be watching the wrong kind of porn. I've been looking up things from youporn and redtube, but maybe I need to download some good "couple porn" as one of the other how-to threads called it. I love masturbating to the sex scenes from romance novels but they're always too short lol.

The not being with anyone else is a combo of things. I've just never been with someone I've felt comfortable in taking things farther than just a peck on the lips with and even if I had, I'm saving my virginity for marriage though I'd be up for doing other things with the right man.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Hi again Vixen,

Are there any non-porn mainstream romance or sexy movies you like that you could masturbate to?

Since you get turned on by written words and imagination, what about cybersexing anonymously with someone attractive online (since you're unattached?) ever tried it? Or an adult chat room, where you might pair off into solo chat with someone who attracts you?

I now look at long masturbation sessions as self pampering time, as investments in myself. Again, an anti-boredom thinking technique. It's cutting a slice of time for yourself and allowing yourself to just be and to feel. Not to have to get something done, or to have to be somewhere.

Regards,
"LBC"

 

[SophieUK]

I think LBC has a good idea.. find the right [partner for cyber? That way u can control the pace and the direction...

 

[sexyvixen1987]

I've tried the cybersex route but I find that then I get caught up trying to figure out what to say rather than enjoying myself. I even tried writing a story for myself and then just reading that while playing.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Just in case you haven't found them yet, Lit has squillions of short erotic stories for you to flip through. They range from tame and couply to more hardcore so if the first few you click on don't appeal, don't get discouraged.

They're arranged into categories here.

You should also have a browse through YouPorn and RedTube for inspiration. If you're really clever (as I occasionally am) you can open 2 windows and read a story on one half of your screen while porn plays on the other. You can mute the embarrassing sounds and cheesy music, or just listen on headphones.

Throw in a good vibrator, a couple of alcoholic drinks and some privacy and I almost guarantee you success.

Best of luck.

 

[CristinaRobo]

I can understand the reluctance to try cyber sex since you don't want to be so distracted by your typing that you forget to have fun. I would recommend a steamy video if you can find one that you like. Pop it into the DVD player and get worked up to a frenzy. This has been my avenue of choice when needed.

In reference to some of the other posts, I also am one who does not need (nor prefer) vaginal penetration when using a vibrator. In fact, I'd prefer clitoral stimulation at a not too aggressive buzz level. After some early experimentation, my husband has learned not to interrupt the external stimulation. When he first did that, I'm like, "Oh my why did you stop, I was really enjoying that." Now he knows better!

 

[littlebabyclit]

Hmmmmm, maybe you could find a cyberpartner whose voice you like, who could be persuaded to read erotica to you, passages of your choice, for as long as you require. You could also then reciprocate the favor to him. Hang around these boards for a while and see if anybody's posts or threads appeal to you over time. Maybe you might want to give someone here a cyber spin?

Also: How about starting a thread on one of the boards and see if you could find someone who's into reading/loving the same erotic writings/stories/books you like?

You're making me get creative for myself, too !

 

[sugaredwalls]

Hi everyone,

I'm going to cut right to the chase: I have never orgasmed. I've only masturbated, never been with another person, but no matter what I try it just doesn't seem to work. I get myself all worked up and then the feeling just recedes. Even if I keep going, hoping it will come back it doesn't. Most of the time I just get bored after a while and then stop. It doesn't make any sense, I get turned on just fine and the first like ten minutes of masturbation feel really good but I can't get anywhere after that. Any suggestions you guys have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Lol, everyone is throwing suggestions at you but here's mine...

When you masturbate, are you going right for your clit? It's a sensitive thing and really easy to desensitize, your fingers can do just as good of job of doing that as a vibrator. Maybe you should build up and get yourself really, really excited before you even touch it. The anticipation may keep you from getting bored with it.

SweetErika had the best advice of RELAXING and ENJOYING your own body, that's what masturbation is all about. It's a way to know what turns you on and what makes you feel good.

Before you even touch yourself, just start relaxing your body from head to toe, close your eyes and systematically relax all of your muscles, really feel all of the tension leave your body. Try to empty your mind of everything but your breathing and just concentrate on that for a minute or so, to really ensure a peaceful relaxation.

Start letting your mind wander to things that turn you on but don't touch yourself yet. Really let yourself get worked up over something, let yourself get really wet and get that feeling of needing to touch yourself for relief, but not yet. Rub your legs together, thrust your hips up or whatever but don't touch your pussy yet.

When you're really worked up and can't take it, slowly start caressing your own body but not the pussy yet. Really build up your excitement by running your hands across your own body. Anywhere that turns you on, your neck, your breasts/nipples, shoulders, stomach....you get the picture. Keep your mind fantasy going while you're touching your body, let yourself get so turned on until you can hardly stand it.

Everyone touches their body differently, so this next part is just suggestions.

Start really teasing yourself, stroke the inside of your thighs, start lightly brushing your hand over your mound (wear panties for more anticipation) maybe start lightly stroking yourself on the outside of your panties to increase your excitement. Maybe slide your hand inside your panties and briefly let a finger stray inside of you to feel your wetness and then slowly drag it up through your slit, slower as your finger goes over your clit. Really, really tease yourself by not directly touching your clit, just tease all around it to make yourself feel really, really good. The area above the hood of your clit is a real erogenous zone and can feel really good to play there for a minute, stroking and rubbing it to tease yourself even more. The opening of the vagina has a ton of nerve endings as well and it feels good to tease yourself there too.

When you have completely teased yourself and you're really wet and your clit is aching to be touched, start touching it in your favorite way. Let yourself be taken over by the pleasure, ride the wave of how good it feels. If an orgasm happens, it happens but even if it doesn't, it still felt really good right? Don't be hung up on actual orgasm, just make yourself feel good, which was more good advice SweetErika already gave.

Hope this helps, happy masturbating!

 

[sexyvixen1987]

Thanks for all the great suggestions guys. I really like the idea of finding someone with a sexy voice to read me a dirty story while watching porn at the same time. And sugaredwalls, I will definitely try your techniques. I find that normally I'll get myself worked up by reading stuff but when I finally let myself touch I go straight for the clit.

I'm very excited to put these new techniques into practice

 

[SophieUK]

Thanks for all the great suggestions guys. I really like the idea of finding someone with a sexy voice to read me a dirty story while watching porn at the same time. And sugaredwalls, I will definitely try your techniques. I find that normally I'll get myself worked up by reading stuff but when I finally let myself touch I go straight for the clit.

I'm very excited to put these new techniques into practice

sounds like a great plan to me

 

[phelon]

1) Relax, relax, relax. Do whatever it takes to relax fully and enjoy the process, instead of pinning your hopes on an end-result, like orgasming. Orgasm will happen when it happens. Worrying about it or trying to force it will be counterproductive.

2) When it stops feeling really good, or you feel the need to take a break, take a short break. Your body probably just needs time to re-sensitize and your mind likely needs to refocus.

3) Fantasize, liberally. Getting involved in hot fantasies will also help you avoid getting bored and distracted by the 'Why isn't it happening yet?' thoughts.

4) If you haven't tried a really good vibrator yet, give one a shot. Many women (yes, even those in their 30s and beyond) have their very first orgasms with a vibe like the Hitachi Magic Wand; if you put the $55 or so into an incredibly reliable multitasker like that (with the blue attachments), you may find it's the only vibe you ever actually need. Some people simply need more stimulation than a hand, mouth, penetration or weaker vibe can provide; if you might be one of them, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

5) Enjoy yourself and repeat the steps until you find the perfect combination for your mind and body. The fact that what you're doing now feels good is a very positive sign, so see what happens when you try new things and adjust the other ingredients.

addendum to #1) Breathe... had a GF with problems, she got so excited she would stop breathing deeply enough and then fall out of the experience... we worked on it a bit, and it really helped..

 

[thirty]

Hi everyone,

I'm going to cut right to the chase: I have never orgasmed. I've only masturbated, never been with another person, but no matter what I try it just doesn't seem to work. I get myself all worked up and then the feeling just recedes. Even if I keep going, hoping it will come back it doesn't. Most of the time I just get bored after a while and then stop. It doesn't make any sense, I get turned on just fine and the first like ten minutes of masturbation feel really good but I can't get anywhere after that. Any suggestions you guys have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Sorry for my curiosity, but why don't you find a man. (It seemed that they assumed you were a girl.)

I guess it will be hard for a virgin girl to get orgasms.
Girls need enough experiences before getting orgasms.

 

[SweetErika]

Sorry for my curiosity, but why don't you find a man. (It seemed that they assumed you were a girl.)

I guess it will be hard for a virgin girl to get orgasms.
Girls need enough experiences before getting orgasms.

Virginity and experience with partners are irrelevant in most cases. If a woman can't orgasm on her own, she probably won't be able to orgasm with a partner.

And, no, it's not hard for most virgins to have orgasms. Most people have countless orgasms before they ever have sex.

Also, a lot of people (but mostly women) who can orgasm easily by themselves have trouble orgasming with a partner for many reasons.

 

[infinity706]

maybe try a vibe a little stronger, than what you have now. Some women's clits are not as sensitive as others and need a little more.

Yeah, that could be part of the problem. I know a Pocket Rocket is far too weak for me. Of course, I usually need those multi speed vibrators with 8 or so different speeds. It has to get up to at least 6 or 7 before it'll do much for me and it's usually up to max by the end.

 

[sexyvixen1987]

Sorry for my curiosity, but why don't you find a man. (It seemed that they assumed you were a girl.)

I guess it will be hard for a virgin girl to get orgasms.
Girls need enough experiences before getting orgasms.

I kind of assumed the same thing before, that as soon as I was with someone else it would happen. But a lot of the reading I've been doing around anorgasmic women says that you need to be able to make it happen yourself before you can depend on someone else doing it for you.

 

[bobinks2]

I've just never been with someone I've felt comfortable in taking things farther than just a peck on the lips with and even if I had, I'm saving my virginity for marriage though I'd be up for doing other things with the right man.

Assuming that the 1987 in your screenname is your DOB, that would make you about 22. IMHO, "I've just never been with someone I've felt comfortable in taking things farther than just a peck on the lips with" at age 22 is kind of a red flag. What's up with that?

I support your decision to save your virginity for marriage, but question why. I generally assume that people save themselves for marriage for religious reasons. If that's the case, you may have a bunch of negative conditioning about sex from religious or other sources that prevent you from enjoying sex. The recommendation to relax is good advice. You may want to look into some form of meditation to learn how to release all thoughts. That way, when your sex negative thoughts enter your mind, you can release them.

Finally, in glancing through the responses above, it seems that most of them are focusing on clitoral stimulation. Have you tried to stimulate your G spot?

Good Luck.